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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Ex partner won't come to hospital for miscarriage

119 replies

ThisIsMyUsername0 · Yesterday 13:17

I've recently found out that i'm pregnant and now, a couple of weeks on after finding out that I'm pregnant, it's been confirmed that I'm miscarrying. I'm booked in on Tuesday at the hospital for a procedure to remove everything.

I've been asked, if I can, to bring someone with me. The father, a man I was with for 9 years, is refusing to come. We basically had a massive argument, ended our relationship and the next day, he was on an online dating site. He met up with someone a couple of days later and I've found out that they've been sleeping together. It was at this point I found out I was pregnant and told him. He asked if I wanted to get back together and try again however I said no, so he has kept on seeing this woman. Now, a couple of weeks on, I went round to his to collect some belongings (he owns the house) and asked him if he could come with me to the hospital however he has said no, he's busy. I pressed him on why he couldn't come and he just kept saying he was busy. I (shouldn't have, I know), checked his phone. He's arranged to meet up with her that day. Choosing a shag from a woman he's been seeing a couple of weeks over supporting me, his ex partner who is carrying his baby.

I went balistic when I found out and he started shouting and bawling that I shouldn't have looked through his phone, that he wasn't the person that should be supporting me any more etc.

Am I really being unreasonable to expect him to come? I could bring a friend or family member but it's his baby. I don't know if I'm overreacting here as my mind is all over the place at the moment.

OP posts:
Randomchat · Yesterday 17:11

ThisIsMyUsername0 · Yesterday 16:53

You're glad that my baby has died because I have broken up with my long term partner? What a wicked, wicked thing to say. I am more than capable of bringing up a child myself; I have a high paying, professional job to allow me to support any child and plenty of family support if I moved back to my home town.

This is one of the worst comments I have ever read on mumsnet and I'm not saying that because it's directed towards me.

Shameful.

You're right op. That's a disgraceful comment. I'm sorry you had to read it. I've reported.

Exhaustemonte · Yesterday 17:17

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ApplePieTree · Yesterday 17:21

I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you can find the support you need. I understand why you wanted your ex to support you but it’s probably better for you both now that you draw upon other support - especially the women who care about you. Wishing you well for your recovery.

Boomer55 · Yesterday 17:23

You’ve split up. Why would he now be there?

Loulou4022 · Yesterday 17:23

The two of you have broken up, he’s caused you a lot of upset both from the breakup and moving on so quickly why on earth would you want him supporting you through this unless you want to try and get back together with him?

ThisIsMyUsername0 · Yesterday 17:26

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I misinterpreted nothing. You don't like that you've been called out on what you said. What a hateful person you must be to have come out with such a wicked comment.

Please remove yourself from my post.

OP posts:
Stressmummy12 · Yesterday 17:30

He isn’t the person you need anymore or should want there. It’s sad but so true whether it’s his baby or not he won’t be much support so I’d go with the family or friend and forget him.

FuckKnowsMatee · Yesterday 17:39

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Absolutely disgusting comment. Really shameful but I doubt you’ll even take a moment to reflect on why it is such a vile thing to say.

Brokentoes85 · Yesterday 18:10

I'm sorry but you aren't carrying his baby. And its completely unreasonable to look on his phone.

Exhaustemonte · Yesterday 18:12

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Exhaustemonte · Yesterday 18:13

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FridayOnMyMind · Yesterday 18:15

Sartre · Yesterday 16:58

I’m sorry for your loss OP and I know this is awful to think but one day you’ll be grateful. The alternative was being stuck with him forever. He’s a selfish piece of shit.

I don’t think that that’s fair. He asked if they could get back together but she said he was out of her life.

She seems to want to have his support and then just tell him to piss off again. She can’t treat someone like this and then be upset when he chooses not to be a part of it.

Brokentoes85 · Yesterday 18:19

FridayOnMyMind · Yesterday 18:15

I don’t think that that’s fair. He asked if they could get back together but she said he was out of her life.

She seems to want to have his support and then just tell him to piss off again. She can’t treat someone like this and then be upset when he chooses not to be a part of it.

Yep. He asked if she wanted to get back together. She turned him down. Buy now expects the perks of a relationship and to call the shots on who he sees and when.

DragonsFurry · Yesterday 18:22

ThisIsMyUsername0 · Yesterday 17:26

I misinterpreted nothing. You don't like that you've been called out on what you said. What a hateful person you must be to have come out with such a wicked comment.

Please remove yourself from my post.

Oh blimey. What a stupidly cruel thing to write. Exhaustemonte must have serious problems to go around being that unkind to a stranger on the internet.

OneThreadOnlybyN · Yesterday 18:32

I'm very sorry to hear about you miscarriage(s) ❤️‍🩹

I totally understand how you feel about your Ex not being the man you thought he was & how sad/disappointed/hurt that makes you feel. I've been there (but it wasn't a miscarriage).

I'm glad you have someone going with you. ❤️

one bit of (unasked for!) advice (fwiw. I probably wouldn't have listened to anyone, but just on the off chance you do...

After Tuesday, put him behind you. As quickly as you can, get YOUR life back on track. Do things, spend time on things that make you happy. See friends, meet new people.. plan a new future! Don't waste your life mourning the loss of the relationship or being sad/disappointed he's not who you thought he was.

Ill be thinking of you on Tuesday.

DavidStopActingLikeADisgruntledPelican · Yesterday 18:33

I’m really sorry this has happened to you but honestly, an arsehole ex is the last person you want to be in the company of at a time when you are at your most vulnerable. I hope you can find someone else to go with you. Sorry for your loss.

Evilkineavel · Yesterday 18:41

Im sorry for your miscarriages.

I don’t think you should have expected him to come e with you though. Sorry again.

Pinkflamingo10 · Yesterday 21:51

He’s a dick
you don’t need him there
or in your life

I had this procedure and I just needed someone to collect me. Not someone with me.

Eenameenadeeka · Yesterday 22:27

Im sorry for your loss. Im glad to see your friend is coming with you, you need someone to provide you with support and care and he's not the person to give you that, I think given the situation he'd just add to the stress of it. I'm sure your friend will be a much better support for you. 💐

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