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Original poster

How did you get over being left out by the other mums?

283 replies

fruitfly3 · 05/06/2026 20:58

Just that really. I have realised that there is a little posse of 6-7 of the other mums in the class that I’m not part of - actually, I’m actively excluded from. They are the sort of people I’d have a good laugh with and really enjoy hanging out with at the kids activities (professionals, similar interests etc). But they have formed a group that definitely doesn’t include me. The 3/4 other mums are lovely but not people I draw energy from (one is from a different culture and our sense of humour and chat is just different), one is a bit depressing etc and one is a SAHM whose outlook and life is super different to mine. It’s made me feel 13 again and left out by the popular kids - made me question how I come across and feel horribly self conscious. I went over to them at an activity tonight - they acknowledged me and then turned away and closed their circle. It was pretty awful. Not looking for explanations (or really to bitch about them) but wonder how you reframe it in your own mind? Adults are so so hard to make friends with.

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 07/10/2026 07:14

I never wanted to be 'in' with other mums, did my best to avoid that.

I had my own friends and life, went to work.

Fivebyfive2 · 07/10/2026 07:21

wishfulthinking25 · 05/06/2026 21:16

You’ve determined the remaining mums aren’t up to your standards, they’ve done the same with you. You might see yourself aligned with them, but clearly they don’t feel the same. So, just stick with the friends you have outside of school and move on.

Edited

I was just thinking this, why is it ok for you to decide you don't want to be friends with the "not as cool" mums but really rude for that group to not want to open their circle to you? Maybe they don't feel like they gel with you and your "vibe", exactly as you've decided about the others.

Corianda · 07/10/2026 07:32

Someone recently sent me a youtube about accepting being not liked. In this world we are all sposed to be kind which is soooo false - no one genuinely likes everyone - you accept people don't especially like them.
This video was helpful. You can be a fun, interestiing, happy person who not everyone likes. Aim for that.
A Lewis Howes podcast speaking to Aaron Doughty How to stop being a people pleaser and take your power back

5128gap · 07/10/2026 08:18

These things are rarely about 'not being liked' and almost always about social aspirations. They're about measuring the worth of other people against a set of shallow criteria, that typically involve some combination of their appearance, their wealth and occupation, mentally placing oneself on a par with them (rather than with the ones judged of lower value) and then being disappointed when they don't agree with that self assessment.
People who have successful relationships and a history of friendships know they can be liked. When they're excluded from groups they want to join, it's not a crisis of personality they're experiencing. They're just miffed that they've not made the elite group they feel they should be part of.
The only way to deal with that is to stop measuring people in that way and make friends organically.

RosewaterMadeleines · 07/10/2026 08:37

5128gap · 07/10/2026 08:18

These things are rarely about 'not being liked' and almost always about social aspirations. They're about measuring the worth of other people against a set of shallow criteria, that typically involve some combination of their appearance, their wealth and occupation, mentally placing oneself on a par with them (rather than with the ones judged of lower value) and then being disappointed when they don't agree with that self assessment.
People who have successful relationships and a history of friendships know they can be liked. When they're excluded from groups they want to join, it's not a crisis of personality they're experiencing. They're just miffed that they've not made the elite group they feel they should be part of.
The only way to deal with that is to stop measuring people in that way and make friends organically.

I think that’s right. The OP views parental interactions through the lens of class. The ‘professionals” whose company she aspires to aren’t interested in befriending her, and she feels relegated to the ‘low-value’ foreigners, SAHMs and ‘depressing’ types category, and doesn’t want to befriend the others in it.

Aleveldilemma · 07/10/2026 22:58

JustMarriedBecca · 05/06/2026 22:58

This is precisely what has happened at our school. The kids have fallen out and so the dynamics changed.
I obviously rubbed my hands with glee and watched the drama unfold.
What's funny is that their child has aligned themselves with mine so now they want to be friends. No thanks.

You reap what you sow.

Show quote history

Ugh, rubbing your hands with glee - that’s so unpleasant.

I will say that a lot of people get caught up in school mum friend groups during the primary years. I certainly did. But when the children went to different secondary schools we saw each other less and the ones that stayed in the same schools had a big falling out that got very serious and separately some of the parents fell out with the rest of the group. One family emigrated. So the dynamics did change a lot but a smaller core of us have remained good friends, my DH is friends with their husbands too but they don’t see each other as much as they used to.
so sometimes these things don’t last OP but they are very intense while they do and can seem exclusionary.

SALaw · 08/10/2026 00:30

are there only 11 kids in the class?

Corianda · 08/10/2026 06:20

Ugh, rubbing your hands with glee - that’s so unpleasant.

Terrible thing to say - you should have wept with them and offered to pay for counselling for the most affected and possibly for yourself for being so cruel human/ normal 😂

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