AIBU to ask family to keep vegan takeaway dishes separate?

[TakeawayRow]

Last weekend we got an Indian takeaway with family who were visiting. Everyone chose their food and I ordered it.

Some people decided they wanted to try others food, everyone was ok with that but I asked that people didn’t use the same utensils for the vegan dishes and meat dishes because I’m vegan and didn’t want meat in my food.

I thought this was a normal, fair and easy request but a couple of my family members started saying I was being over the top and asking what I thought would happen if some meat got in my food. I said I didn’t want to eat meat or animal products, even tiny amount, not that I thought anything would happen. They accused me of ruining the evening. I didn’t. I asked them, they caused a fuss, I explained my reasons and then carried on with the night. Everyone else got on with the night but these 2 spent the evening making sarcastic comments towards me and ignoring me at times.

Would you have had an issue with using separate utensils to put some of the vegan food on your plate, would you have seen it as ‘over the top’ or just been courteous and used different utensils with no fuss?

We are seeing this family member again next month. Lucky us. We will likely get a takeaway again and I’m thinking of just saying hands off and no one can try mine. 😬

Veganism isn't better for animal welfare - veganism taken up wholesale means that domestic animals such as cows, sheep, chickens etc are no longer necessary so they will have to be put down, since you can't have wild cows running around (they are huge and dangerous esp if with a calf) or wild pigs. The chickens will probably be let loose and starve. Vegans generally don't do the jump from veganism being environmentally friendly to what happens about domestic animals.
That said, the OP's original point about mixing up the spoons is valid and people who think this is rude are rude.

I am a lifelong meat eater and veganism isnt my cup of tea (with or without oat milk) but I wouldn't dream of putting my meaty utensil in your food!

Likewise, I wouldn't want someone else's fishy utensil in my dinner as I really don't like fishy stuff and it could spoil the taste for me.

It's common courtesy and respect not to do this, surely?

I would have told them to keep the fuck away from my vegetarian food, cheeky fuckers

I'm vegan and live with 3 meat eaters, we keep utensils separate. They're clearly not respectful! It isn't hard to keep them separate

As a meat eater, I would never contaminate a vegan or vegetarian dish with my meat utensils. A serving spoon popped into every dish and used only for that dish should sort the problem out. You're not being at all unreasonable to expect people to respect that.

Oh diddums. Did someone having a different opinion to you scare you so much you felt obliged to get in a personal attack? Or is there some other reason you are unable to accept that people can see things differently?

If I lacked social awareness I wouldn't know that the done thing was to accept it and I wouldn't have said that I would have accepted it too. I understand that there are things people don't like, don't agree with, find abhorrent or don't want to do. Nevertheless, it can be tiresome when someone allows their dislike of some thing to put costs on others when it has no actual impact on their material wellbeing, though I accept their right to feel the way they do and will generally tolerate it and accommodate.

What, exactly, is thick or lacking in social awareness or understanding about that?

You accuse other people of bigotry - but you're the one displaying bigotry here.

My DH is vegetarian and he has his own cooker, own microwave, all his own utensils and own sections in fridge.

Why should OP be understanding that they don’t care? Surely if they don’t care either way, it’s more important that they’re understanding towards the OP, who DOES care?

This is a ridiculous “argument”.

The irony is that, if OP had posted “AIBU to think my in-laws are wrong to use forks that have already been in their mouths in shared dishes when I’ve put serving spoons out?”, the response would universally be “Eeeww, yes - that’s disgusting!! Never invite them over for takeaway again!! 🤮”

Yet throw veganism into the mix, and suddenly OP is somehow “precious” for not wanting to eat other people’s spit.

But it doesn’t matter that the restaurant might not care. The issue here is that members of her own family have made it very clear that they definitely don’t!

Double dipping with a used fork is way more problematic. Any morsels of “meat” would be absolutely minuscule, probably non existent. A fork having been in someone’s mouth is wiped clean of food debris. This is why they thought you were being precious.

It really isn’t. If we didn’t eat cows, there wouldn’t be cows. Except a few on those god awful petting zoo/farm places they have, which isn’t very good for cows either. They would become an endangered species.

Veganism comes from a place of privilege, in a nation that has never ever had to worry about food security. Dairy and meat farming is by far the most efficient and reliable way to feed a nation all year round, it is less vulnerable to things like severe weather events, and requires far less in terms of chemical intervention.

The reality is, we need a mix of both to keep the nation properly fed.

So if cows only exist to allow people to eat them… why would it matter if there weren’t any cows? Surely if we all went vegan, the lack of cows would be very much a non-issue?

When I was veggie I didn’t want ‘meat’ utensils to serve veggie food. They were wrong

I just think what a sad life these people must live to have such an issue with it they make comments all night.

i think your request was completely fine and such a minor request I wouldn’t have thought twice about adhering.

Yes. They are disrespectful a-holes.
I had a vegan co-worker. Any time I organized a pot-luck luncheon or ordered food in for our work group I ensured there was a nice selection of vegan dishes and always asked her to go get her food first so she wouldn't have to worry about non-vegan food getting into the vegan food. It was so easy to just be respectful. We ended up having a very nice work friendship as a result, too.

Separate serving things that are colour coded here, no vegans but we do have a couple of veggies in the wider family so make sure to respect their food.

Wow! Even his own microwave! I have utensils that are only to be used for vegetarian meals (live with 3 meat eaters) but sadly our fridge don't allow for private sections and dh would think I'm nuts if I went to buy my own microwave😅. He always uses the protective lid and I clean it /wipe it out everyday. How does your dh eat out/ at friends'? Does he bring his utensils and microwave?

Domesticated animals would likely fall prey to wild animals, I think, if suddenly let loose to fend for themselves. 🤔

Nevertheless, it can be tiresome when someone allows their dislike of some thing to put costs on others

Costs like…using the serving spoons provided and not double dipping into the dishes someone has kindly bought for you? Diddums, indeed. I think that poster’s summation of you was pretty spot on.

Because I wanted to make that comparison! Make your own comments to a post and stop nit picking on other contributors!

I have voted YANBU because a few extra spoons isn't really a lot of work. And they were definitely unreasonable to go on about it. I do the same if I have veggies as guests.

However I do find it frustrating when cooking etc as it makes extra work and washing up if I'm having to wash stuff up, plate separately just to prevent a tiny amount of 'contamination'. It's veering into worrying overly about purity of food etc. I've one friend who is veggie for environmental reasons and I likely wouldn't bother because less use of resources fits more with her ethics. Others would be upset so I do bother.

At a busy dining table I'll often swap spoons around if multiple people are going after the same dish. It speeds up serving. It's not a huge deal not to, but it is a cost that it's reasonable to acknowledge.

It was no more work at all for anyone (except perhaps the OP). She bought the food and provided serving spoons for each dish, the guests just didn’t want to use them. They got shirty because they wanted to use their forks in everything.