To be cringed out by this (re sharing a takeaway)

[Cloudyonasunnyday]

When me and partner get a takeaway and share it he is obsessive over making sure we get half each, he will literally count pieces of chicken in a curry for example - how would this make you feel ?

Your lucky
Mine eats so fast ,and always takes more than his share
I won't share food with him , because he's greedy and then he eats my leftovers even if I was saving them for later

@ACR7

does that greed not give you the ick? Not very sexy, is it?

No, it doesn’t. Plenty about me that me that probably isn’t very sexy. There’s far worse traits in a man than him scoffing too many chocolate digestives. Each to their own I suppose.

I mentioned up thread that MIL counts food. If there are 20 roast potato pieces in the dish she will count them and if there are five people at the table, will announce " so that's four potatoes each". I find it really pass ag, an announcement that someone may be greedy and take a piggy amount. After 37 years of it, we all ignore her but there was an episode years ago when I explained there was more than enough to go around and people could take what they reasonably wanted starting with two or three and having sec9nds if they weren't full up. She responded that her kids would have wolfed the lot without thinking. I had a mouth before brain moment and blurted out, not if they had been taught good manners and there was enough on the table to fairly go round. Goodness I got a look, but it never stopped her and fwiw her table manners are dreadful.

I think that's a very reasonable thing for a mother to do while her children are growing up, and I can understand why the habit might stick. We might do it with large items like roast potatoes in my large family of mathematically inclined people, but it's all perfectly polite and relaxed - four each, I'm only having three, anyone want a fifth ... Nothing to do with not having enough to go around - people often fancy a bit more or less of one particular food item.

@Oftenaddled I disagree. Nobody on my side counts food and I consider it ill mannered.

MIL has form for being stingy with food and due to this, one of her daughters, in a shared house at uni, had to be spoken to for taking huge helpings at the expense of everybody else. To the point where her house mates stopped putting food on the table to share and SIL2 was served separately in advance.

MIL thought it hilarious, as did SIL2. I'd have been ashamed.

I’ve always wondered if I have adhd and this makes me wonder more because I just don’t see what’s weird about doing this! I mean yes if it was a packet of crisps and my husband counted them out then that would be weird but chicken in a curry I can understand

I do this when dishing up food for the family, so does my dad. He counts it all as he’s cooking so he knows how many potatoes, carrots etc each! It’s about making sure everyone has enough and a fair share rather than being stingy. I’d draw the line at getting a ruler out 😆

That seems to be a story about not sharing food equally! Presumably if daughter-in-law had counted and shared, there would have been no problem with her flatmates

I can understand that your views could be tainted by your experience of your mother in law generally, and of course only you know what she's like. But I can't see that counting or sharing equally is the problem here.

Done see the prob - least he's not being a greedy entitled bloke thinking he should have the bigger share

I think it's very rude to count food at the host's table because it assumes there isn't enough for everyone to have a reasonable share. It implies there isn't enough to go round.

I agree with you that I wouldn't do it out loud as a guest in most circumstances. (If it was close family with the same habits, or if I was supervising small children and talking them through sharing equally, I might). I think that's a different scenario from counting when it's you and your partner / family, though

My partner does this too, I don't mind as being dyslexic myself one of the side effects is I'm terrible at estimating portion sizes and always end up unintentionally giving one person way more meat than the other. That, coupled with my partners perfectionist tendencies, means this is just how we do it. But his motive is more keeping things even rather than pettiness. Depends on the context of the relationship in general I guess.

But if the mother is teaching children good manners and to help themselves responsibly, to start counting the food undermines that.

I wouldn't say so. It seems a sensible way to teach children to share and be aware of other people, and it's a quick, practical method of doing so.

Certainly I know plenty of people who grew up counting out large food items - two sausages each - who have perfectly fine table manners and share as normal. I don't think you should condemn everyone who has this habit just because of your mother in law's behaviour. She's just one person.

If he can't afford enough takeaway , then don't have it- this sort of thing seems petty but will kill your respect for him- so it's very serious.

We will have to disagree.

Get the kitchen scales out. More accurate.

Why would you inflict him on a child?

A man whom you have to argue with to contribute towards his own child?

What an awful start in life.

Go back to work.
Protect yourself.
He is not a good man, just a mean one.

You and your poor child deserve better than this.

Has he got his eye on your bhuna? Nope. DON'T SHARE!

Wouldn’t bother me at all.

Tbf I probably get the better half of a chicken chow mein when we get Chinese, seems to be extra chicken on top and I'll dish up first because DP seems to wander off and take his time to dish up and eat (where as ive been in typical mum mode for 20+ years and seem to rush my food before someone starts screaming 🤦🏻‍♀️) I'll take the best bits of that but the rest of the food i have less of and some of the food I wont eat so it evens itself out. To be that anal over pieces of chicken and to make sure each dish is shared out evenly is way over the top though.

My mother's rule for me and my brother was that one of us got to pour or divide things up, but whoever didn't do the dividing got first choice of which one they wanted.

You've never seen things divided so equally! 😂

I do similar, to make sure we all get a reasonable amount and nobody is left with just sauce and rice 🍚.
I give husband more ( don’t have a go at me about “ penis portions “ 🤣)
He is a foot taller than me , he should be consuming more calories .
However , I’m the cook here so sometimes give myself the nice crispy bits , cooke prerogative

I was on a tour of China, 14 people, every lunch & dinner was around a circular table with a Lazy Susan.
One female used to count the bits of meat etc & say " that's 21, so 2 each for the men & 1 for the women ".
She did get told to shut up eventually.