AIBU to feel undervalued when my husband keeps score financially?

[PinkCatStripes]

I remarried a couple of years ago, have 2 lovely children from 1st marriage, finally bought a house with OH that is ours together. We bought as tenants in common as I had bigger share of deposit.
OH is paying majority of household bills and mortgage. OH has an income 6x larger than me.
OH is getting p*ssy because I asked him to check on the dinner when I went to pick up DS for 10 mins. I asked OH if he could pick up kids from clubs one day next week- to which he has stated is a chore.
I work part time, spend all of my income on groceries/ petrol/ things for children/ my own bills eg phone/ car/ activities etc I have non left at the end of the month. My contributions appear to be of no value, because they are not as financial as those made by the OH. I’m always being reminded of the financial contributions that he makes. I am thankful for this, but I have made a very significant financial contribution already which seems to be forgotten.
I hate the way I am being treated in this respect, AIBU? My DC are not his and he plays a big part in their life, I feel like I cannot expect everything from him, and as he says, they are not his responsibility. Is it even possible to be appreciated fully by the man I married? I often feel that I have a teenager rather than a partner.

@PinkCatStripes have things changed?
Does he say you should get CSM? Was he better with the kids before ?
How was he before about your working hours and child care arrangements? Your part time hours?

When the mortgage is paid off, based on current trajectory what % will you own?

(I'm wondering what happens if you split)

Yeah, sorry, I don't buy that in this case. In step-parenting you don't have the deep urge some people have to have their own children, which can conveniently stop you from quite appreciating the harsh realities.
It only takes a few seconds' thought to think, 'OK, the youngest kid is 8, that means at least 8 years, likely more, til they leave home. What does that mean for our lifestyle?'

They both seem to be resenting what they agreed to. OP did marry him knowing that she would have no claim on his premarital assets, that finances wouldn’t be joint, and that he wasn’t going to take on responsibility for her children beyond paying the mortgage and some household bills.

Her income is her own, and all she seems to be financially responsible for is her personal bills, and her children. That isn’t placing an undue burden on her, especially not when she can do this by working part time.

That seems unwise to me, if I was you I would go and get legal advice

I read posts like the OP's and just think why? What compels women with children to compromise them like this.

You don't mention step-children, so I assume there aren't any for you. Neither of you seem happy with this set up, nor does it appear like the marriage has legs with the resentment either side.

Not sure what to suggest beyond working FT to increase your salary.

So if you had to sell and the sale price wasn't enough to pay off the mortgage, moving costs, and your deposit he wouldn't be expected to cover any of that until you were fully in negative equity? That's a risky deal for you, although if you're comfortable with risk possibly worth doing a straight 50:50 split with the deposit amount dealt with separately (his mortgage payments net out your deposit over time). What happens if he leaves you? Are you still bearing all the loss until there's enough equity in the house that it doesn't matter?

You moving to him is something that I think should be taken into account - one of the reasons you're not working full time is because of a compromise you made and it may well have long term career impact. That said, honestly I can see frustration building about him needing to subsidize the fact your EH isn't supporting his kids (obviously how reasonable this is depends on why your EH isn't supporting his kids i.e. whether your EH is extremely low income). And this long commute doesn't sound good for your kids - why are you willing to accept it?

The more expensive house is a benefit to you - you get to live in it and ultimately you own a lot of it and will for a long time even though he's paying the mortgage. A smaller, cheaper house with you paying more financially would not be a benefit to you except for the fact that you might have a shorter commute and the potential impact on your career of the current set up not being able to work full
time.

Did you make it clear to him when you decided on the nicer area, bigger house that an impact of this would be that your financial contribution would be lower? Did you make it clear that your preference was for a smaller, cheaper house? Your financial contributions are unequal. Whether or not he 'should' be just sucking that up really depends on whether these were his choices, or genuinely joint choices. Did you go along with his decision without saying 'but I don't want that because it means you'll be covering everything' or did you say that and he said 'I don't care, I love you, I earn 6x you do, it doesn't matter, I want us to have the best life possible'.

Of course what he 'should' do doesn't really matter - if he is actually pissed off and wants to ram it down your throat all the time, the fact that's unreasonable doesn't help you move forwards.

I could be completely wrong but there have been multiple threads where women have happily moved in with a DP with DCs and then sometimes it’s not until years later when they decide they can’t do it anymore and want to leave.

Something may have changed in their relationship to increase the stress or resentment.
Or it’s exactly the same and it’s DH who has changed/want a different lifestyle.

Even biological parents (especially dads) can decide they don’t want family life anymore and leave.
So I can definitely see how a step parent would.

This. I earn 3x DH, after my next promotion I’ll earn 6x him and he’ll give up work. I’m entirely okay with that as he brings non financial value to the partnership, but I wouldn’t stand for anything being owned anything but 50:50.