AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

[Tunaturner]

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

This is exactly my husband. He’s always paid for so much, and treated us all without asking. He doesn’t drink or gamble or have other hobbies (other than painting miniature plastic models). He works long hours so maybe I should let him have his car (even saying this sounds like I am controlling!)

Not a particularly high salary when balanced with that expensive of a car but certainly affordable.

My husband earns slightly over this and I wouldn’t be entirely happy with him spending £1000 on a car BUT we don’t have independent bank accounts. Only one bank account between us and all money is shared. If he wanted a flashy car though, I wouldn’t be upset over it. As it stands he drives a 13 year old Vauxhall!

Sound like he got top of the line.

How awful to be with someone who earns more and doesn’t feel the need or want to share.

He hasn’t spoken to you as you have completely separate finances so how he spend his money is his own business. That’s the agreement you both made.

Personally thats not for me. We are in a partnership together, work together and do what’s best for our family.

Sounds like a selfish man.

I think lease cars make financial sense if the money the car would have cost, I.e £80/90/100,000 was invested in an appreciating asset that brings in the £1,000 per month it costs to rent

If someone doesn’t have that money to invest then it’s just money down the drain and it doesn’t matter how much someone earns £1000 per month is a waste.

I can do 40/50,000 per year sometimes. My car cost less than a months rent

Presumably that on top of that £1000 there is insurance petrol/electric costs, tax etc

I presume that £1000 per month is after tax

I’ve never looked at car allowances like that. They are simply part of salary on reality so I’d never refer to the value of it when deciding what to spend on a car.

If you had 100k salary and 20k car allowance would you budget twice as much for a car than if you earned 110k with a 10k car allowance despite your take home pay being identical?

That’s a big percentage of that salary and I wouldn’t be impressed. My DH earns that and drives a 18 year old second hand Merc. I earn that and walk/bus to work. But…
it’s his money and if he isn’t tight with you or the kids then it shouldn’t matter to you. The real red flag is if he is different with you than he is with himself.

That all said, I’d also get the ick at such an extravagant and seemingly pointless spend monthly and yes lease cars are a total waste of cash imo.

That’s a good idea. If I stopped paying the mortgage (which I financially should have anyways, but legally I want to show to be paying it incase we split, long story). Maybe he could give me money and then get a cheaper car that would make me a bit less angry

It seems like you two have perhaps drifted a bit from the people who got together.

I don’t thing he’s done anything wrong. But consider that while you are judging him for his gym body and fancy car , he may be judging your more modest habits of dry trims and home making.

Neither are wrong, but you seem like you are quite far apart in outlook.

Haaa yeah that’s his money, I have a good salary too but I chose to not spend it on silly items. However, his silly items are different than mine I guess.

"Maybe I should let him have his car"!

At least you acknowledge how controlling it sounds about a grown man who "always paid for so much, and treated us all without asking."

YAdefinitelyBU.

Me too. All money from whatever source has always been ‘ours’ and we’ve been married for a very long time.

That's a lot. What is it? I bet it's a massive car..

YANBU and you're YABU.

This is technically not affecting your lifestyle, as your finances are separate.

He's an idiot though, if he'd rather spend £1,000 pm on a car, but refuses to fix your property.

He seems to have a few unattractive traits.

Yes this is true. Where I once respected him for his outlook on life, I now despise as it revolves around going to the gym, taking pictures of himself for likes in instagram, and flash cars. I feel as though I am now married to a bachelor.

I don’t know anything about cars. If I saw the car he’s going to buy on the road I’d think it was a low budget family car.
I probably wouldn’t even mind as much if he got a Porsche at least it would make sense spending the money!

It’s quite easy to spend 1,000 a month on a car, they can be expensive. If he spends a long time in the car he should have something decent plus if he has a high paying job there may be a status element in terms of what he shows up to work in.

Small willy

Differently sane

Sorry if I've missed it, but is it through a work lease scheme and is it electric? If so it may bring his tax banding down and mean that much of what he is spending on the car would have been spent on income tax anyway.

‘Distasteful’ don’t be ridiculous 🙄

Perhaps this is the conversation you should have, that he seems to behaving like a bachelor, is there something else going on.

I’m a bit confused by this OP earlier you said he was ‘tight’ with luxuries that aren’t for him and even filling a hot tub and buying strawberries?? But now you’re saying he pays for ‘so much’ without being asked?

I have driven fancy cars and yes they are a waste of money unless you have nothing else to spend money on. £400/500 max

He used to. Now he complains about the cost of stuff but then spends £1000/month on a car