AIBU to feel angry about my husband's £1000 a month car?

[Tunaturner]

My husband has bought a car that costs £1000 a month. He does earn a lot more and drives a lot so I get he wants to be comfortable. But I think cars are a waste of money.
I don’t know why I feel so angry.

We have our own money and pay half the bills,
but to me the money would be better spent on other things.
if I just met him on a date and he said he has a car that was £1000 month I wouldn’t see him again as it’s distasteful.
am I being irrational? I feel controlling saying he shouldn’t be spending that much.

Yeah we are wealthy (not mega rich but don’t have to worry about food etc) , but the showing off of it I find distasteful.

Small penis?

If it's his money then I couldn't be bothered. I'm sure my husband would think it's a waste if he saw what I spend on my hair and nails etc but he isn't paying for it so his opinion wouldn't factor in my choices

He’ll have a large pension which I’ll either get if we divorce or retire together! So I do think he has the spare money then spend it. But I also would rather a mortgage was paid off or we got a new bathroom, but he doesn’t see that as priority!

Haaaaaaaaaa

So he spends money he can afford, a part of which is a car allowance from work, on something you have decided he shouldn’t.

controlling

I think this is true. I can spend more on myself but choose not to as I’m happy with a dry cut at the hairdresser a few times a year. Not because of money just because I like it that way.
I could also spend more on a car but would rather not have to worry about anyone scratching it with the shopping trolley!
different priorities I guess.
we’re just different people, and I think this is why I’m so angry about it all.

That’s a lot to spend on a car based on a 120k salary.

If he puts 40k into his pension that leaves a taxable salary of 80k which equates to around 4.7k take home per month. To spend over 20% of that on a car does seem excessive but people do have very differing spending preferences. If you’re mortgage/rent free then that makes slightly less excessive.

Yes it does feel that way doesn’t it

What else is he going to do with the car allowence then?!

You’re angry because you choose to spend on different things?

this seems an extreme reaction. Is something else going on?

It is excessive but affordable I guess.
i just spend the money on the house stuff which he doesn’t see as a priority (tables, wallpaper, soft furnishing, new bathrooms) he’d be happy with white walls and a deck chair.

I'm not old and I agree with you
Regards, a chicken (not quite spring)

Not that impressive, just new. Mid range premium, likely a £60k ish car.
Mines a Tesla

He can spend it how he chooses, it’s just money put in his salary.

I can see both sides. I don't care one bit about cars so wouldn't want to spend a penny but we save around £1000 a month for holidays so I feel like I am doing the same thing but just directing the money to what makes me happy. I guess it's a fancy car that makes him happy.
I do hate showy, Instagramy behaviour so that would annoy me.

I think it’s indicative of different values rather than controlling, she hasn’t said he can’t do it, just that she doesn’t like it.

@Tunaturner I would hate it if my husband did this, or drove a Range Rover or something like that. It’s just not something I admire, quite the opposite. I’d find it more admirable if he was driving a second hand Skoda and putting the difference into a cause he values, or a hobby or learning a new skill.

I suspect there would be a lot more replies like this if the roles were reversed. It's another where 'we've agreed that his money is his money, my money is my money, but actually I quite fancy his money too'.

But then I'm also happy spending almost £1,000 per month on a car.

The first flashy car my dh bought caused my MiL (his mum!) to be totally appalled at the waste of money. I remember her looking at me in total confusion and saying, “Why on earth would you let him buy it? It’s going to depreciate so quickly, and it’ll cost a fortune to maintain it! Doesn’t it bother you?”

And I said, “at first I felt a bit the same way, but when I thought about it I realised that we don’t really flash money around, but we are comfortable, and he works so hard that i shouldn’t dictate how he rewards himself. I love him and I want him to be happy. It gives him enormous pleasure to own and drive. He doesn’t drink, or gamble, or buy designer clothes, or have a premium golf club membership or a Premier League football ticket. He’s a good dad, a hard worker, and a nice guy. Why would i stop your son from spending money on something that he absolutely loves?”

And MiL looked at me squarely and said “well when you put it like that I can’t really disagree!” And ever since she has rather enjoyed taking a spin in the flashy car!

I have made really sure to never once throw it back in his face - and he has since upgraded the flashy car, it’s usually a purchase that takes an entire year to plan as he has draws out the excitement of trying to decide exactly which model to buy.

But my dh isn’t ever tight - we are careful but he’d never, ever moan at me about modest luxuries like strawberries or he’d get my “arched eyebrow” and get right back in his box.

I clicked YABU by mistake so feel compelled to say ofc YANBU, this is batshit for anyone, let alone some one arguing about the cost of strawberries.

Not sure of his take home but 120k, we have very little mortgage

Yes! This is it! I don’t want the kids to grow up seeing someone being so flash and frivolous, as if material things and pictures on Instagram of his gym body matter. It’s the opposite of a turn on.

I think I understand what you mean. I don't care about material possessions, I'd never be interested in being flashy with possessions on Instagram, I prefer to spend on joint family/couple/friend experiences like holidays. My DH is the same and I wouldn't chose a partner who didn't have the same values, so if he changed and started flashing the cash it would feel uncomfortable, a bit like a betrayal maybe or like he isn't the man I fell in love with and chose to spend my life with.

I think with the information about his income perhaps you’re being a bit daft! Although it sounds like you ah e unequally invested in the home, so perhaps you’d be better off asking him to buy a more equal share of the house to free up your equity and then you can spend that however you like?

It’s taxed if he takes it as cash. If he uses it on the company car scheme it’s much better value

my £1000k PM

£500 car allowance
£320 salary sacrifice tax saved

so cash I pay £180 a month for a brand new car, the insurance, basic maintenance, servicing etc etc

why wouldn’t I do it? I need a car, what else would I get for £180 a month/ £2200 a year?