New neighbour has asked us to stop construction on new home until daughter has finished exams.

[Grammarninja]

This is such a tricky one for me. We bought a house that needed a complete overhaul a year ago. We've finally gotten through architects, planning permission and trying to find affordable builders etc. It has been stressful.
We broke ground this week and the neighbours have asked us to stop until dd has finished her exams in 3 weeks.
I really feel for the family and can't imagine how upsetting it must be for them at this crucial time (we had no idea they had a child sitting exams this summer). My husband has offered them an office at his work around the corner to facilitate study. I wouldn't mind postponing if it wouldn't cost us 30k to do so as builders are working to a set time frame. I wouldn't even mind the extra costs we'd incur through having to stay in our current accommodation for another month if it weren't for the builders' costs which we simply can't afford.
I'm worried now that we're going to start off on a terrible note with our new neighbours which would be such a shame considering my current neighbours are like family.
Are we being unreasonable to continue with the build in these circumstances?

That’s not necessarily true, some schools around our way don’t get study leave and my DTs , although on study leave, are encouraged to carry on attending all lessons for revision (needless to say they don’t!)

I can see it from their perspective, they worry that this will impact on their daughters revision and exam results and anything which might get in the way of this is going to worry them. We have chosen to delay our building work until after my daughters 11+ in September.

But equally you are under no obligation to do anything of course, but it might be nice if you could help them out a bit - trying to get the noisiest works done whilst she is revising in school for example, with quieter jobs where possible at other times. That doesn't mean delaying your works, but just shuffling things a bit. We did this when our neighbours brought home twin newborns in a semi, the mum had had a difficult delivery and was exhausted.

Legally you of course don't have to do anything, but it might be nice of you can help a little. The office, whilst nice to offer, might not be somewhere their DD feels comfortable, especially if it's quite busy

Oh god what an awful situation all round!

I really feel for them and the kid as it’s very difficult having the opportunity to study at home in peace taken away. Sounds like she will have to study in school though, or at the space your DH has offered.

I mean you can’t be asked to lose 30k.

But also it’s such a shame this didn’t come up between you all before as I do see both sides. It’s a horrible time for kids and their families, and very stressful, so this really will seem like one thing too many 😢

Presumably at least your builders won’t be in on weekends?

My neighbours are currently getting an extension. It is bloody noisy - not their fault but the reality of building work.

it is NOT their responsibility to buy me headphones.

I have Autism - the noise greatly affects me - but I am an adult - I put on my noise cancelling headphones and desl with it - as such is life. It is mine to deal with.

noise is a part of life unless you live in the middle of nowhere. You suck it up and find a coping strategy and do not make it everyone else’s problem.

exams happen. Noise happens. You deal with it the best you can - because life happens.

You have to press on but yes they will hate you.

Well in my area you can’t work on building work after 4pm and in weekends. During the day she should be at school so she’ll be fine studying afterwards as your builders won’t be there. You would be unreasonable to have them there during those times

I had new neighbours do this during Covid. I couldn’t even have my windows open on hottest days or the year, let alone work outside. I had to endure weeks of this and I still hate them to this day. They asked my husband if my son had a problem with them but hubby never worked from home like we did so he was not as affected so doesn’t get why we hate them. Not a sorry, packet of biscuits, chocs, absolutely nothing to apologise for keeping us captive in our own home unable to open doors or windows and struggling to hear on work video meetings. I don’t think people realise just how upsetting it can really be. I’m not saying stop but at least apologise to them!

I don't know if you are being unreasonable or not, but I currently have a child doing A-levels and she would find that unbelievably stressful and I would hate you forever.

FFS! No wonder there are so many problems in schools and teaching if lots of parents think like this!

She can go to the library at school. Or in town. Or to the office OPs husband has offered. Plenty of kids live in noisy environments and their parents understand that the world does not revolve around them and their precious poppets.

When I took O levels in the 70's we studied with Radio 1 blaring away in the background.

You may find that it's the parents who are anxious and the dd is fine.

My son is taking his exams at home
Our neighbours are having the driveway redone ..lots of drilling,and a cement mixer .
It never occurred to me to ask the neighbours to stop .
I just bought noise cancelling headphones for him .
Your neighbours are batshit

My neighbours started building work during the pandemic, and although we then went into lockdown, the work continued for much of that period. This coincided with the run-up to and duration of my son's GCSEs, when he was attending online lessons and revising at home.
Despite the disruption, it never occurred to us to ask them to stop the building work. I don't see how I could reasonably have asked them to put their plans on hold simply because my son was preparing for exams. My neighbours have their own lives to lead and cannot be expected to organise them around our circumstances.
Instead, my son adapted by revising in other parts of the house - we are semi-detached, or by going to the library when he needed a quieter place to study.

Same here. My mums next door neighbours had a 6 month extension during Covid and we couldn’t enjoy the beautiful weather. They also destroyed part of her drive by parking constantly on it despite not having to permission. Oh and they had the cheek to keep asking if they could use her bathroom which was a no. Thankfully my mum was able to claim against them but I’ve never forgiven it

Our area it's 8-6 weekdays and Saturday mornings, which many stretch to all day Saturday!

^This.

Some parents are reasonable like @Pugsrus2
Others are batshit.🤦🏻‍♀️

No, but it was quite disruptive for understandable reasons. And my dad had a breakdown. And I didn’t have the option of just getting away from the problem, like the neighbour’s daughter can by revising in the office she’s been offered or in the library.
The point being it’s very dramatic to say it could ‘ruin her future’. She has a variety of other options for revision.

You more than likely will crack on with the work, but you'll never be referring to these neighbours as almost family!

I don't think you should stop the works just because someone is revising, at the end of the day they may end up sitting university exams next to a building site.

I think you sound lovely for even considering it though. Perhaps open up the discussion with - we have tried to postpone and unfortunately there are penalties which mean we will incur an additional £30k, how can we make this work for all of us?

And then suss out whether or not the DD have a preferred time for revising
Eg morning or later afternoon? And see if your builders can work around that, leaving the noisy stuff to times when DD can either access the library or your DH office. You can even gently offer to buy noise cancelling headphones at that point.

It seems to be the minority view, but I agree with this.

That’s horrific. Weekends should be left alone .

Tell them that you will postpone if they pay the 30k or they take your extremely kind offer of an office space or noise cancelling headphones.

Decent people will understand.

They won’t hate you forever 😂

Buy her some expensive brand name noise cancelling headphones like Bose or Apple. She will think they are cool, it’s a generous gesture and problem is solved!

It's no more than 500m away from her home and has women working there. There's a spare office, a kitchen and a coffee shop downstairs. I know it's not ideal but it's a potential solution?

Absolutely crack on. We had neighbours doing an extension when one of ours was sitting exams didn't occur to me to ask them to wait.

'The same neighbours have done a very similar job to their house so they've put neighbours through it too'

There you go then. Their turn now to put up with a bit of noise and disruption.

It's like trying to heard cats to get tradesmen in, now you've a set date I would stick to it. They will go off and do other projects and if you put them back a few weeks it may actually be months and make things cost a lot more than the 30k.

Nice that your hubby has offered to help but other than that, not much more you can do.