SIL sending DN to my house

[girlmummy25]

My SIL works full time and GPs pick her kids up once a week until she gets home from work about 6:30pm however, whenever GPs are on holiday (which is a lot!) ill get a phone call at 4pm saying my nephew is on his way to my house in a cab and that she hopes thats ok.
Nephew is 12 and of course I need to feed him but where I dont know he is coming its normally unlikely that ive prepared a dinner to feed another person who has adult portions.

I just find it so rude to tell me on the day as he is on his way! Its happened about 4 times now, twice I have missed her call so she will then just ring her brother (my DH) and tell him instead and make sure one of us is home.

Tomorrow she is due to do it again, AIBU to confront her about it if she does it again and just say I expect a little more heads up? (Especially as she knows GPs will be away weeks in advance!)

Her home is only 5 mins away from us but for some reason she doesnt want him home alone until shes home (he is a sensible boy so not 100% sure why - especially as she deems him old enough to get cabs)

12 is absolutely old enough to be left for a few hours. As most of the thread have pointed out.

Lone parent status is irrelevant. You still have to ask if you want a favour, and the fact someone is a LP doesn’t have any bearing on the person being asked to help.

Agreed she needs to pay for formal care, but as she’s been getting her parents to do this for free for years, I doubt she’s keen.

They're not young for long, think about how your poor nephew would feel if you wouldn't give him anything to eat or he knows you don't want him, he won't understand it's the principle behind it, I wish I had a relationship with my nephews, I hardly see them. If you really don't want to provide his tea then just give him a snack to keep him going or beans on toast. Once you complain about it, you won't be able to take it back, how will you feel if he thinks you don't like him? Unfortunately your sil who is at fault, isn't the one who'd feel shit or unwanted.

Honestly I find this so weird. They are family, they need to talk. And being a LP absolutely does have a bearing on the situation.

What childcare for secondary age kids? It doesn’t really exist.

i found y7 the hardest of all the school years: mine wasn’t quite mature enough to be home alone while I was over an hour away…but no after school club etc.

this would really piss me off.
I food plan, and have exactly what we need for dinner etc, I don't have spare food for another adult sized person.
I might have planned something with a friend or be out or just tired and not mentally psyched up for extra people.

I am all for family helping each other etc, but she is seriously taking the mick.
I would

1. have a very clear conversation. It is NOT OK to just send him over in a taxi.
2. You are ok to do it with warning, and that means before the week started, all the days he is coming clearly asked for.
3. If you can't do it, you will say NO, and that is final. And can't do it could just include that it is inconvenient for you, or that you can do it 2 x per week but not 3.

You shouldn’t have to pick this up as the closest female in proximity. Make yourself unavailable, even if it means leaving the house with your little ones in the afternoons/evenings when GPs are away. It’s your DH’s job to either a) communicate to his sister that this doesn’t work, or if he is too much of a wet lettuce to do this, b) look after/feed his nephew.