SIL sending DN to my house

[girlmummy25]

My SIL works full time and GPs pick her kids up once a week until she gets home from work about 6:30pm however, whenever GPs are on holiday (which is a lot!) ill get a phone call at 4pm saying my nephew is on his way to my house in a cab and that she hopes thats ok.
Nephew is 12 and of course I need to feed him but where I dont know he is coming its normally unlikely that ive prepared a dinner to feed another person who has adult portions.

I just find it so rude to tell me on the day as he is on his way! Its happened about 4 times now, twice I have missed her call so she will then just ring her brother (my DH) and tell him instead and make sure one of us is home.

Tomorrow she is due to do it again, AIBU to confront her about it if she does it again and just say I expect a little more heads up? (Especially as she knows GPs will be away weeks in advance!)

Her home is only 5 mins away from us but for some reason she doesnt want him home alone until shes home (he is a sensible boy so not 100% sure why - especially as she deems him old enough to get cabs)

What would happen if neither of you were home? This is batshit and very entitled. Yes, you (or DH preferably) should say that the wrap around care situation has ended. Emergencies are one thing, but in the absence of those, wait to be invited.

I mean if she did it to me nobody would be home but presumably she knows one of you will be?

very very cheeky especially as he is 12!

Maybe that's why the grandparents go on holiday as all the time

She's taking the piss. Giving you no chance to say no, expecting you to feed him, is absolute cfery.

You should be able to say no more, but would DH support you? How much work does he do towards it or does it all fall on you?

I think you need to call her tonight and explain that you don't want it to happen tomorrow at the last minute. Call her out on it now, rather than be waiting all day for the call

I'd be tempted to text back and tell her you're out. I mean what if you actually were out?

Does SIL ever look after your children in return?
What does DH say to her, and does he expect you to do the looking after of DN?
Is DN any trouble?

This would really annoy me. Not the looking after, but the not asking. How I reacted would probably be influenced by what DH thought. If the food is a real problem, could you eat later, after DN has gone so that he eats at home? If you have little ones who need to eat earlier, just make something for them and tell DN that his mum will make his dinner when he gets home. Or would it be possible for you to be out tomorrow, so there will be no one in when his cab arrives and when/if she complains say that you didn't know he was coming until too late.

"No, I'm afraid that's not ok! Neither of us are home." Make a plan to be out. It should be easy enough if you know when the GPs are away. I would just never be available if she hadn't asked in advance.

You'll have to get your DH on board though. How does he feel about it?

Tell her no, it's not OK, and that she'd better not pull this stunt on you again. I'd be pointing out very strongly he has his own home to go to and that's what should be happening.

Next time text back and say you're out, see what she does.

Is she a lone parent?

Where does he usually go when his GP's are on holiday?

Why don’t you text her now and ask him to come and do a nice tea for him? I think she’s been a little cheeky but that shouldn’t stop you from having a nice time with DN.

He’s your nephew and it’s not the poor kid’s fault. Unless there’s a back story where he’s a little shit, expect to feed him tomorrow and then ask her for some money towards food if that’s an issue for you. At 12 he presumably doesn’t need too much looking after and he’s family so it’s a bit depressing that you can’t accommodate him 4 or 5 times.

If she gets back at from work at 6:30, why do you have to feed him? Plenty of people don’t eat an evening meal until 7pm or later.

Just give him a drink and a packet of crisps or something to tide him over, and she can take him home at 6:30 and cook them both dinner together.

If you are eating very early with your family then I get that might be awkward though.

DH also thinks its rude but he works from home a lot and im a SAHM so she knows more than likely one of us is going to be home in the afternoon.
My DD swims on Thursdays after school so I dont get home until 4:30ish myself which is why ive missed the calls but she just calls DH.

im sure if we werent in she would just send him home… i think she just knows he is going to be fed and looked after at mine. I would never not feed him, kids are so hungry after school there is no way I could do that.

No, when I say ‘about 4 times’ its probably been more than that!
a few times ive picked them up from school and brought them back to mine but it seems when I dont offer she just puts him in a cab to mine anyway. Niece stays at school in a club when she does that.

But my DD is 6 and DS is 3 so I have my hands full as it is and tomorrow I need to pack and sort stuff out as im away for the weekend so could do with not having another kid to look after/entertain

i wouldnt mind so much if she asked in advance. I just feel like im being taken advantage of and like another poster said, shes being entitled

Never have I said its his fault or that I wont feed him!
you must be someone who dumps their kids on people too without asking then I assume

Don't be in? send him right back?

Tell her in very clear terms to stop doing it. Tell your DH to tell her. And then if you think it's going to happen, you leave the house and leave him to manage, because then he will tell her to stop.

But helping out your single mum sister by having your nephew over for some food…. I’d be fine about it

That's not the point. It's the way SIL is going about it. A request to have him, advance notice, a discussion about whether or not he wants feeding - that's one thing. Telling OP he's coming when he's already on his way in a taxi is another. And not OK. The SIL is taking OP for granted and that's not a good move.

But why should the op have too? It was decided for the op by other people