Does marriage change anything?

[Jigglywigglypuff]

What is it like to be married?

I have never been married and it makes me quite sad. I just feel almost like I have never been good enough to consider for marriage. Not one of my exes have ever seriously talked about it / suggested it. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to wear the big fancy dress and have a party and day dedicated to me and the imaginary love of my life, celebrating happiness.

Ultimately I am glad they never did, as they all ended badly, particularly the last one. But it got me thinking, what is so good about marriage anyway? Does anyone that is married feel that it changed anything for them, or that life is better in any sort of way because of the marriage? All the married people that I know, whom I have posed this question too, just say it's great or no different from any other relationship, but I feel people tend to be less honest in person about these sorts of things.

I know marriage has legal and financial benefits etc, but I'm talking purely about the emotional aspect.

I know of a few couples that married that definitely should not have, and cannot wait to see how that plays out. One divorce already!

So, did marriage change anything for you?

It makes it harder and more expensive to get rid of them 😂

Zero different emotionally. We had two kids, and two houses. Easier to get married than sort out complicated wills.

I’ve been married nearly 7 years been with my DH nearly 9 years it’s changed absolutely nothing for me I would’ve stayed with him even if we hadn’t got married. Not going to lie there have been some really rocky moments but we’ve got through it all.

The only reason to get married is for legal and financial benefits.

I don't mean to be rude or offensive to you personally but for far too long I think marriage had been conflated with being proof of love and commitment when it should be a level headed decision based on whether it is beneficial to you both to make a legal contract between eachother.

It makes you more stuck to them which can be good or bad news.

Don’t get married if you think it will change things.

To clarify, if i could have signed a legal document in a solicitors office without
"getting married" I would have.

It feels different, emotionally, somehow, though I can’t quite explain it. Though nothing tangible has changed. We married because we liked the idea rather than because of anything more “sensible” (both financially independent, similar incomes and assets, no children, wills and PoAs already in place etc) which we felt should be protected. I suppose it’s the aspect of knowing we both felt that we wanted to commit because we see this as a lifetime partnership and friendship which feels good.

If one of you earns below the income tax threshold you can pass your unused portion to your spouse. Can't do it if you just cohabit.

We were always a team, but when we got married it felt more official. It's nice to have someone who fights my corner and is my biggest cheerleader.. But he did that even before we married tbh. 💕

DH and I have been married for almost thirty years. It has made a firm foundation for our life together. Other people might not need that but we did.

It meant dh became my next of kin and his views aligned better than what those of my mother did should I ever be in a vegative state. I trust dh to do what he knoes my wishes are. My mother (who is now dead) woild have forced her (opposing to my) views.

Lucky you.

Knowing what I know now I would not get into a legal contract with my husband as he is not in my corner at all.

People get for all different reasons.

For us we'd been together 8 years at the time and wanted to start a family.

Marriage IS a legal and financial contract, often to enable the division of resources required to support a family.

The “lifelong emotional relationship” sometimes co-occurs, sometimes happens without marriage and often doesn’t happen at all.

Interesting mix of replies, which is what I was expecting in a way. It's not that I think marriage would 'fix' any relationship and would never get married for that reason. It's more that in previous relationship at one point I thought it was what I wanted, and I thought that for everyone who felt strongly about their SO they would want to make them their spouse, to make the relationship more in stone and solidified, if that makes sense?

As others have pointed out, its harder to leave a marriage than a bogstandard relationship. So it's like, showing an actual commitment to taking the relationship seriously. Not that married people don't cheat etc, and not that non-married couples relationships are any lesser. Idk how to get across what I'm trying to say as my kids are now demanding my attention lol so I will check back later, but this is already rather interesting.

I think it feels different. It is that agreement that you are planning to be together forever, whether it works out that way or not. It did surprise me when I got married how different it made the relationship feel, although it was good both before and after. Been married 20 years.

Depressing

Why did you feel the need to marry to have children though?

I've been married for yonks
in day to day terms, and in emotional terms it changed nothing whatsoever and I rarely refer to DP as DH (only when I'm talking to the easily confused) neither of us changed our names and I don't go by 'Mrs'
However it mean that if DP had predeceased me I would have been entitled to his pension (yes, that's right, he couldn't assign it to me as not married)
He had automatic PR for our children
If either of us died intestate, we would inherit from each other automatically

etc etc

the key really is - is the man you are thinking of marrying loving and decent? If yes, marry him, it confers significant legal protection for all of you
if no, do not marry him, it will make leaving him much harder, and do not put him on any birth certificate

Look on here for the MANY threads where someone has split from a partner, or they have died but they are not married.

It depends whether the marriage is a happy one.

I’ve been married over 20 years and we married in our early twenties. We’re very happy and I think it just gets better, personally. The best part is knowing you’re a team and you have someone there with your best interests at heart, to support you if and when needed.

Although we’ve never had any problems, we have worked at our marriage by trying to spend quality time together and to be considerate of the other person’s needs and wants.

It helps that we’re on the same page about a lot of things - finances, raising kids, home etc. I can imagine problems arise if you’re not aligned on the important things.

It didn’t change much. We had already lived together for 5 years. We got married because we were ready to have children and we wanted to be married first. We both agree that we probably wouldn’t have bothered getting married if it weren’t for that.

People posting about their tragic marriage endings is very biased, though. Of course it's going to seem from those threads as if marriage changes nothing and it always ends in flames. It's not a true reflection of the reality of the bigger picture.

My OP is asking if marriage changed anything emotionally for people - not financial, etc.

Idk why people get mad about others posting threads. Too much caffeine, I assume.

I think marriage is different from other relationships for people who believe in keeping its solemn promises. That commitment trumps big fancy dresses and parties. I've been married twice, never divorced. First to a boy I loved, but who had various problems; I stuck to him for over 30 years because we had made the promise to stay together 'till death'. So I developed fortitude and a 'shoulders back, chin up' attitude. My second marriage was for a dozen very happy years to a widower. We shared similar values, and did our best to support each other. I have gained step-families through this, and lots of happy memories. I miss him immensely but am grateful for the memories and that he went quickly without suffering. So I put my shoulders back and chin up again. And @Jigglywigglypuff , that's the best you can do for yourself. (I don't know how old you are, but I was in my 60s when I met my 2nd husband. You don't know what nice things may yet happen... )