Am I alone?

[WartFace]

I often wonder how many other people out there are like me. I’m retired from a public sector job, as is my DH. We’re lucky enough to be comfortably off though not wealthy by most standards. It may just be an age thing, but I feel disconnected from most people’s interests and popular culture in general. I certainly don’t want to be judgemental or snobbish but I feel everyone wants to talk about travel and sport and popular culture all the time and I just enjoy quiet things! I know I’m privileged (very well educated) but I sometimes feel so lonely. Are there others out there like me?

I have an English Literature first degree and Masters and read voraciously. I go to the (serious) theatre, galleries, museums, lectures, am a charity trustee. I have never felt the need to ‘make myself small’. I am interested in people, I admire their passions and expertise, be it needlework or rugby coaching, and appreciate the variety around me. What a dull old world it would be if everyone was like me.

I find people respond in kind. I hope I can talk about my enthusiasms in a lively way and I can listen with equal respect. I think you should open your mind a bit as you’re missing out on finding out more about the world.

And although I’m not an avid TV watcher, I do love a bit of Race Across the World and looking at paint colours. And what’s the harm in that?

There's something very Prufrockian about this thread.

OP, even though you live rurally I imagine there are people around who share your interests. Some people stick to lighter subjects during small talk with people they don't really know- it doesn't follow that these are the extent of their interests. I'm extremely interested in historical linguistics but I wouldn't open with it at a dinner party. If you get to know people better, you might find they have interests in common with yours and modes of being that aren't just light social chat. Reading, in particular, is not a niche interest. Why not join a book club?

I'm not sitting watching Love Island myself and refuse to engage in conversations about dieting, so am probably not entirely representative of my gender and generation either

@Bigtrapeze Love Island gets about 2 million views per episode- the vast majority of people don't watch it. Likewise most people don't talk about dieting. These are just sexist, ageist stereotypes.

I didn’t, we got the train as my husband was working in the Netherlands at the time so we met at Brussels. It was easier that way.

If you want to have a little giggle at your brother take him to Dulle Griet for his beer. They make you hand over a shoe as a glass deposit 😂

This

Ah he would love that. Not sure if the surrounding clientele would want to see his feet though!

I don't mind social media. Mine is mostly full of local history and archaeology and wildlife. It can be the things you find interesting.

mine too. I have my facebook set up to see no ads or bad stuff and loads of the stuff I like.

Please share how you see no ads on FB. Thanks. 😊

google search for FB Purity

The internet surely allows you to follow up all of the ‘quieter’ more intellectual interests that you allude to. There is an explosion in lectures, discussions, opera, theatre, book groups, art groups, Harvard and Yale courses available- honestly any object under the sun, for people to watch or follow or join at their leisure. All are relatively cheap. This is your time!

I started off thinking this was the thread for me but I really dislike some of the attitudes in here. I have what many would consider to be highbrow tastes - I adore classical music, art, French literature. However, I also love the Real Housewives franchise and Rivals. I don’t look down on people who like different things to me and assume that their interests are trivial while mine are somehow more worthy. BTW, I also have lip fillers. And a PhD. Neither one defines me nor means that I’m not living my life to the fullest.

Ouch. That's me told. I think I was trying to empathise with conversations I didn't feel I could contribute to recently and these were dominant topics of conversation in my workplace last week. Am I being ageist to the young or the old here? Apologies for any offence caused. 🙀

Not judgy at all in my book, OP. Sorry to hear in your later posts that you aren't able to drive and this might be a limiting factor. I think contact with others who share our interests is a source of pleasure. It is for me. Kindred spirits, to quote Anne of Green Gables.

I think perhaps you lack social skills and don’t know how to connect with people. I have many friends with whom I have nothing in common. Indeed I don’t share interests with my husband but we have been happily together for 30y. But I know how chat to anyone about anything and I am a warm and empathic person who invests in friendships.

I read books but I also watch Netflix. I love the theatre but also like Bake-Off. I don’t redecorate but I love fashion. You need to stop putting people into boxes and defining them by their interests. People are complex annd fascinating, and judging their compatibility with you on whether they read or not, is a bit foolish. And ironically, a pretty superficial thing to do.

I think perhaps it’s easier to blame your apparently niche interests for your social isolation, than looking inwards at some personality traits that have possibly rendered you lonely. But only you know the answer to that.

"shall I part my hair behind?
do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flnnel trousers and walk upon the beach
I have heard the mermaids singing each to each
I do not think that they will sing to me......."

Sorry if it sounded harsh. I don't know how old you are so I don't know which age group you're making assumptions about, but I think to assume that being into Love Island and diet chat is what would make someone representative of your sex and generation is doing that sex and generation a huge disservice. I don't think that's an accurate representation of any group.

You didn't cause offence. I just think it's generally unhelpful and inaccurate to work on the basis that everyone else is like X and you (or I) alone are like Y- they're all into Love Island while I alone love to read- when in fact people are much more complex and varied than that. This is why I mentioned Prufrock- substitute Love Island and diet chat for "the cups, the marmalade, the tea"- it's a counsel of alienation.

I feel that I don't have much in common with quite a lot of people whilst still finding them perfectly nice. However I don't need many people in my life and do have a few who share some interests. I will make sure in retirement that I join some groups which attract like minded people so that my small amount of social engagement doesn't dwindle to nothing. Not sure I would describe it as disenfranchisement as it's a deliberate choice not to watch populist TV for instance and so then be unable to join in the office conversation. I am lucky though that a lot of my colleagues read, garden and knit etc so we managed to find common ground.

Thanks for this comment and also to other commenters. You have provided plenty of food for thought!

We are at cross purposes here I hope, Starkanddorky. I don't think any sex or generation are homogeneous in any way. Quite the opposite. That was very much my point. People are multifaceted and into loads of different things, none more important/desirable than any other. My wording may have been hasty and led to you drawing conclusions that don't represent my view. At least I hope so.

I very much hope I'm not doing a disservice to my whole generation, or anyone else's, for that matter. That would be an awful thing: it isn't a nice thing to be accused of, as it turns out, neither are sexism or ageism. I hope you are wrong about me.

Shall we agree that there are many things in life to enjoy and it is great to meet others who share our interests and also great to meet others who open up new vistas?

I hope OP finds some like minded souls in her beautiful bit of the country.

I doubt hobbies and interests are the issue really, because what it comes down to is in all those years you didn’t make strong friendships with similar minded people as people commonly do.

in fact, you seem to only notice the people
who you have little in common with. I think that’s quite unusual.

You are not alone I am here with you. Though you're far away I am here to stay

Thank you!

Thank you

I tend towards being an introvert, I love quiet peaceful surroundings. But I can party hard (and thoroughly enjoy it) too. But not too often, and usually in the company of a few close friends.

But then sometimes life takes me by surprise... In the past 5 years I have i): stumbled into an online forum of women internationally who share one of my passions and who feel like 'my tribe'. and ii): I was randomly looking for an art class and I found a completely different group who meet 5 minutes from where I live. I've had so much unexpected laughter with these people. iii): become involved in a contraversial community issueand have found myself asked to speak at Council meetings.

I love my quiet gentle life, but I also remain open to new possibilities.