Am I alone?

[WartFace]

I often wonder how many other people out there are like me. I’m retired from a public sector job, as is my DH. We’re lucky enough to be comfortably off though not wealthy by most standards. It may just be an age thing, but I feel disconnected from most people’s interests and popular culture in general. I certainly don’t want to be judgemental or snobbish but I feel everyone wants to talk about travel and sport and popular culture all the time and I just enjoy quiet things! I know I’m privileged (very well educated) but I sometimes feel so lonely. Are there others out there like me?

I voted you are not being unreasonable as I feel the same way about it all. I have no friends I have a couple of acquaintances due to them being other mums only.

I'm not interested in sport, only academically interested in popular culture (the sociological/psychological angle), and not really interested in travel, except I'm interested in world cultures which is a bit different I think.
I'm passionate about art, films (mostly arthouse), literature, my garden and world affairs.
So you're not alone in your tastes.
There's a culture vultures board and a gardening board and a what we're reading board if you want to connect more on here. Real life, not so sure. I live pretty quietly these days it's true - and I rather like it! 😂

I’m so sorry, T. I’ve only ever had a few friends but they are good ones and I value them very deeply. I try to get on ok with people but it often seems so superficial. I’ve learned to manage my expectations but I think social life and culture is generally just like that.

I could have written that exact same thing! The word that leapt out was ‘passionate’. I also think I’m a very intense person and most people aren’t (don’t blame them!).

Nothing wrong with enjoying quiet things.

Also nothing wrong with enjoying travel, sport and popular culture.

What sort of quiet things do you enjoy? That might give us a clue as to how you can find people interested in similar things?

I feel like this when I look on social media. Particularly all the home renovation pages that crop up, or just people posting photos of their sitting room and asking what colour to repaint it (again) and which B+M rug to get. And which ornaments to put on their kitchen side.

I just find it so depressing.

and I’m not being snobbish. It’s not the B+M rug I’m opposed to…it’s the endlessly redecorating and refurnishing of rooms that don’t need it, and buying constant ornaments that end up in landfill as soon as the fashions change.

im all for being houseproud, but all this constant painting and repainting and changing and constant consumerism, and the hand wringing that goes along with it.

I feel like saying just sit down and read a book, your house looks fine, it doesn’t need redecorated, again.

I feel the same about fast fashion, and all th fillers young girls are pumping into themselves.

what is the point? Just live your life.

@tilypuI love quite solitary things really. So I don’t expect people to join in. Maybe lonely is the wrong word? Disenfranchised perhaps? There’s relatively little on TV that interests me, for instance. I suppose I simply have minority interests?!

@devongirl12 But what if people get enjoyment from redecorating? And don't enjoy reading?

That is them living their life.

How would you feel if someone was saying 'I feel like saying just get off your arse and do something creative instead of sitting there reading something that someone else wrote. What is the point? Just live your life'.

Different strokes for different folks.

And I say that as someone that loves reading.

@devongirl12 Yes! Exactly this. Unpopular opinion coming … I honestly think that people who don’t read for pleasure have vast tracts of time to kill. I was surprised by the dismay over lockdown expressed by people in my circumstances: healthy, children grown up, retired, financially stable. People were so bored.

and I’m not being snobbish

You absolutely are, though.

By this post you’re starting to come off a little like you think you’re superior. I’m sure you don’t mean to. There are so many other things to do other than read if you’re in the home, and it’s kind of baffling that you don’t realise that

@tilypu I don’t suppose @devongirl12would actually say that to people’s faces, though! I was told countless times when I was young that I read too much. I would never tell anyone they should read more. We’re all just expressing opinions.

what is the point? Just live your life
Surely the point is they enjoy it and are in fact living their life?
This is all very 'Im not like other girls'. Just let people enjoy things, it doesn't need to be analysed and judged.

Not snobbish. Educated and intellectual.

🙄

I feel like you missed my point spectacularly.

I'm trying to make her see that there is an equally valid viewpoint that is exactly opposed to hers.

This isn't about saying anything to anyone's face - but she is expressing her opinion on a public forum to everyone else that reads it.

@whatcanthematterbe81 No, I don’t mean to. People often say they don’t have time to read for pleasure, to which I say I don’t have time to do much else, since reading is a passion for me. Of course there are dozens of other things to do, but reading for me is extremely time consuming. If I had to stop, I’d be bereft.
Would you say a committed sports person or musician was superior because they filled their life with practice? I don’t expect so.

I would if they tried to suggest that their choice of activity was somehow superior to others.

Superiority is about attitude, not activity.

100% this.
I am also a reader over tv watcher but don't get why people think reading is more morally superior or intellectual in some way.
They're both sedentary, non-active hobbies where you passively consume someone else's creative output.

I'm not artistic, I've no eye for interior design and would rather read a book than decorate. I appreciate people who are more interested in creative projects. Why do you think those who like decorating need to stop and read a book? We need people with different skills, talents and interests. It's only the academic types that try to put others down and think they're superior. The world would be a lot more dull without the creative types.

I'm speaking here as someone who spends many, many hours reading for pleasure when I say that you are talking nonsense.

I love reading. I have an English Literature degree and a book reviews blog. I read - and write - constantly. It's definitely my biggest and my most passionate interest. But it's no more valid an interest than any other. People who don't read for pleasure find plenty of other things to do with their time. Reading is a hobby, not a virtue.

Your talk of 'quiet things' being somehow in opposition to sport, travel and popular culture (none of which I would classify as intrinsically non-quiet, frankly; I fail to see how spending an afternoon curled up to binge-watch Slow Horses is somehow less quiet than an afternoon spent listening to opera or going on a trip to an art gallery) suggests to me that you have some very rigid and rather judgemental views on what you consider 'good' and 'bad' interests. You've essentially decided that you're different and special because you don't like popular things, and you deem other people's interests shallow because they're different to yours. You don't sound very open-minded or curious about the world at all.

I’m not. I buy things from B+M. But it’s when I need something and it’s well used.

its the constant buying and replacing of things that irks me. And the obsessing over their homes and faces. I don’t get it. Just relax and enjoy life. You don’t need a face full of fillers, and house full of ornaments that you replace every year.

I genuinely don’t mean it to be snobby. I’m not saying they should be reading high-brow books or going to the opera. But sit in the sun and read a magazine, take a walk, have a nap, call a friend for a chat. I just can’t understand the constant agonising over such trivial matters that are so wasteful, and also just so inconsequential when you think about what’s going on elsewhere in the world.

If you weren't being snobbish you wouldn't have felt the need to specify it was a "b&m rug" 😁

Ironic that you decided to end your post with 'just live your life,' when you are apparently spending yours judging other people for doing exactly that!

@tilypuive just written a reply to a previous poster before I saw yours. But I feel it clarifies some of what you are asking.

im not coming from a snobbish place saying they should be reading high-brow literature…sorry, dashing onto a train, at the risk of sounding lazy, what I’m trying to say is in my previous post!

If you want to connect with people who do similarly quieter hobbies such as reading and gardening. You could join a book club, get an allotment, if you enjoy baking and things maybe join WI. There are options to add a social aspect to your quiet hobbies if that's what you're after.
If you don't want the social aspect, then crack on with your hobbies in peace and allow other people to their hobbies without judgement