Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

[BeardofHagrid]

Just silly girls’ politics during primary school, falling out with each other, accusations of best friends being stolen etc, could you still hold a grudge against someone for that now?

The context is that I saw a woman I was at primary school with recently in a shop and she stormed out when she saw me. I hadn’t seen her for 30 years.

Me too, absolutely 💯 including a couple of old students from sixth form, people do terrible things/ make awful choices especially at that age. Even hope one of them is no more..

It obviously wasn’t “silly” to her and has clearly left very real scars. Her feelings are valid and you do not get to minimise them like you are trying to do.

I think you need to reflect on what you did to her to cause pain that has lasted into adulthood. Your concern should be that you have caused someone lifelong pain and not trying to suggest that they are the problem.

The fact that you have no idea what the issue is and aren’t bothered about that, suggests the issue is you.

From secondary school yes, but not primary school. I still “have beef” with the two girls in my friendship group who sent me to Coventry for most of year 10. My crime was picking triple award science for GCSE, which meant I ended up in the same form class as the popular girl in the group. They accused me of doing this purely because “Lisa” was also doing triple award science. Fortunately I paid no heed as it ended up being essential for my degree choice! I would be polite, even pleasant, if I were to bump into them in public now, so as to keep the moral high ground 😁

and still the OP returneth not.

Maybe she's pursuing the former schoolmate down the High Street, crying 'It was only silly girls' politics, and anyway, Sandra really did like me best!'?

you earned this!

I'd hold a grudge against a teacher - a child no, they didn't know any better, although my primary school teachers were great, the secondary teachers I would have a few words to say to them as an adult.

It’s easy to hold no grudges against people who didn’t harm you.

Kids should know better or we’d all be bullies at school. I knew better so why don’t they? Did you know better?

I would never recognise the girls....

My online path recently crossed the school bully for the first time. It's been more than 40 years, but, by god, I gave it to her, both barrels.

The OP did chip in more info on page 4 or thereabouts.

Tbf it could be that her primary school friend is a bit mad. This thread isn't so different to other threads about mad neighbours - there's one going at the moment - who get involved in silly games and one-upmanship. The difference is, in this case it provokes scores of 'Yes, I was bullied actually at school' type posts.

Maybe recalling her old school friend puts her back in that time - and there could be other things going on then, bad family life and so on.

It could be she remembers things differently, as others have suggested - but that doesn't mean she remembers correctly. If people are messed up as kids, their perspective could be out of whack.

Finally, it may just be that she feels she hasn't got on in life, hasn't succeeded while the OP has - that kind of thing could easily make you not want to interact with a former school friend.

Some people just never seem to grow up.
I had a run-in with a woman whose DC was in the same year as mine at primary about 5 years ago (they're now Y10).
She lives locally so I do cross paths with her once in a while. About a month ago, I saw her as I was walking along the road. She smiled and said hello.
Last week I was in a shop on the High Street. She walked in, saw me, scowled and walked out again.

I think it's part of being in denial about what they did. They hope that their victim will just roll over and forget it and that will validate their interpretation of past events - it was just banter, a bit of fun, only teasing, all blown out of proportion, just kids being kids, all kids do it, blah blah blah etc.

No, all kids don't bully. You have to enjoy inflicting suffering over a long time to be a bully. It's not the same as a friendship spat or shoving someone in the lunch queue.

The amount of times I’ve recounted to therapists what has been said to me at primary school by other school kids… and I’m sure these people would not remember at all or have any idea the effect they had had on me. Similarly, there’s undoubtedly been people I’ve hurt over the years too without realising the impact.

When I was in Brownies I refused to let a girl some of the sweets in my pocket at the end of a meeting. The next time I saw her, I was 11, and I was sitting down on a bench, she came up to me and smash my head up against the wall behind me. All because a few years earlier I didn’t share my sweats. That was 40 years ago. Yes I still hold a grudge against her, I always dreamt of seeing her with her children so I could say what a bitch she was.
I know how her life ended up, and I know mine is far better. I guess success is the best revenge.

Boy at my primary school took the piss out of me because my dad died.. yes really. Then a few years ago someone posted a class photo and he commented on how fat I was after my dad died and I must have been eating my feelings.

I saw on Facebook recently his mum died and I saw he got fat and did a post about how binging isn’t all women and men’s mental health is misunderstood. all I thought was ‘good now you get to feel how I did’ there was a go
fund me and I was tempted to send £1 for ‘all biscuits you’ll need’ instead I shopped him to DVSA for doing fake mots.

I do actually still resent the little scrote who sexually harassed me at primary school. He didn't have a difficult background (that I'm aware of), he just enjoyed making girls feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t choose to be around someone who I didn’t get on with in primary school however I wouldn’t storm out and would probably smile or say hello and then leave as normal when I had finished.
I can hold a grudge to the end of time 😂 those type of grudges are only for people who have made me super annoyed 😂

I can well understand simply not wanting to spend time around an adult if that stirs up painful childhood memories but wanting to inflict some sort of pain (physical or emotional) on that adult for what they did when they were a small child... no.

There’s obviously more to it than you realise/ care to remember. Bullying leaves scars on people for a life time!

I’m probably older than you, but, no, I don’t remember people I didn’t like, from any school I attended.

As an adult, it’s on to pastures new. 👍

Omg you re totally valid if you choose to do this back to her now! Infact please do!

I do wonder what proportion of the posters who are minimising the effects of sustained bullying were bullies themselves. And ate either trying to persuade themselves that they weren’t di awful as all that, or just genuinely can’t see what they did.

Not primary but Y7 so just after. A 'cool rebel girl' joined our school midway through the year and joined our friendship group (girls I'd been friends with since I was about 4 years old). I was definitely the weak and vulnerable one of the group. One Saturday afternoon we were sat somewhere in the town centre and suddenly they all got up and walked off and left me on my own, would never speak to me after that. Turns out she'd sent a rumour round I was a lesbian - probably not an issue now but this was a small town in the 1990s. I literally had to rebuild friends from scratch - given I'm autistic that was even more difficult than for most people.

I will never, ever forgive her for doing that, and I bet she doesn't even remember it happening let alone why. I saw recently her husband writing a gushing birthday post about the kindest, most loving person he knew - YEAH RIGHT