Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

[BeardofHagrid]

Just silly girls’ politics during primary school, falling out with each other, accusations of best friends being stolen etc, could you still hold a grudge against someone for that now?

The context is that I saw a woman I was at primary school with recently in a shop and she stormed out when she saw me. I hadn’t seen her for 30 years.

Yes, if I ever saw the wee cow who broke my glasses in 2005 it’s on sight 😭.

I did retaliate on the day by spilling water on her painting during golden time because obviously I couldn’t see what I was doing, but she’s an enemy for life.

Live beef is an amazing phrase

The people who bullied me, no I don't hold grudges. The ones who bullied my DDs, you'd better believe I hold a grudge.

Bullying affects someone for life. It's unforgivable and yes I will hold that grudge until I die. We're decades on and I still wouldn't help them if they were on fire.

It depends on what went on I suppose. If it was someone really awful I probably would,
but I doubt I’d have such a strong reaction. I’d probably just blank them.

That’s terrible and there is no excuse for their disgusting behaviour, I would never have behaved like them at the same age. Let’s hope at least some guilt is eating away at them. Good for you for not letting them appease themselves so easily.

I’m curious how do you know she recognised you and stormed out because of it. She could just been having a bad day, nothing to with you at all

Did she ‘storm’ off though or just make a quick exit? Is it OP trying to make her look like the problematic and dramatic one, while playing down her own part in ‘silly school girl politics’? 🤔

Of course. Bullying has a profound effect on a person. I'd leave too if I saw mine.

Exactly.

I shouldn’t, but the impact of their bullying has followed me through much of my life. So I would avoid at all costs. Unless they wanted to apologise, then I might listen

These types of “silly girls” don’t stop the bullying just because they grow up.

I have experienced bullying for decades from various women who remind me of my schoolgirl bullies, to the point of seriously disrupting my career.

The attitude that it’s just playground infighting is extremely dangerous. This type of bullying is better stopped early

No, not from primary school. Maybe secondary if the bullying was really cruel.

Heck yes. I wouldn't stay in proximity to one of my childhood bullies.

Oh yes.

There are a few girls from my comprehensive school who just couldn’t get over the fact that I wore glasses and wore the wrong clothes and had home cut hair. They made a point of telling me how wrong everything about me was, daily.

There were a couple of other unfortunate untrendy girls who used to get similar treatment.

The bullies put a used condom in one of the untrendy ones bag of if I remember rightly. The useless male teacher just sort of chuckled nervously and did nothing about it.

If you went to SCL comp, and ever picked on other girls - rest assured I’ll get my revenge if I ever get the chance.

ETA sorry you said primary.

I was queueing up in M&S to buy some Euros, not taking much notice, getting my purse out etc.
I went to the window, looked up as she said Hi Yoyo.
It was Jill who had made my life a misery at senior School.She was vile, so cruel physically and mentally.Her reason was that I was quiet and clever and she didnt like it and decided to take it out on me.
I eventually reported her, told the Head, and was told it wasn't nice to tell tales about people, so yes I do bear a grudge.
She was so bloody nice to me all chatty and friendly.I was in shock and felt 12 years old again.
There was a queue behind me so I bought them and moved on,but I was so angry.
Why didn't I challenge her, tell her how she had made me feel, I will never know, but I kicked myself all day about not standing up to her.
Bullying is vile and should never be dismissed.

I don't think I'd storm out in a huff but I wouldn't want to speak to certain people and would probably just pretend I hadn't recognised them.

But the person I hate more than anyone else in the world is an ex-boss from about 15 years ago, way more than anyone from primary school.

ooooo yes.

By the way those of you saying you wouldn't recognise anyone from primary school - I've got a couple of FB friends from that time who are friends with the whole crowd as they went to the same secondary school and they are all very recognisable on their profiles. Boys change more than girls I think.

This is the issue in a nutshell.

It's not for bullies to minimise their behaviour and claim that their victim's grudge-bearing is silly.

I've read a few threads on MN on this topic and quite often the adult bullies are taken by surprise at the strong reaction their behaviour caused. But bullying isn't just a one-off thing - it's a cruel, cold-hearted long-term campaign to make another person's life a misery, and can cause life-long damage.

I didn't suffer real bullying but my ND daughter did and we're living with the consequences now she's in her 30s. Bullying is sadistic and despite the 'but people change' plea, it really does say something about the perpetrators. I kow I couldn't have done it at any time during my childhood and adolescence - it's not just a natural stage everyone passes through.

Yes - and when the teachers egg on the kids. Why on earth would you do that?

I sincerely hope it doesn't happen now.

Lol a boy in my primary school threw a block of ice at my knee
when we were ten
Years later he waa serving drinks at a bar and i was out with a friend who had also gone to school with him
When i told her about situation when we were ten she threw her ice cube from her drink at him
We were a bit inebriated his face was a picture 😂

I had this happen to me several times through primary school. It never leaves you. It's affected me all the way into adulthood. I still have issues making friends even to this day.

I recently saw a girl I went to school with at a kids birthday party. She was truly horrible at school (once beat my friend up for talking to her boyfriend).

I have to admit that I wasn't initially thrilled to see her but it turns out she lovely now and actually said she dreads bumping into people from school because she's aware she was a bitch. According to a mutual friend her daughter is being bullied at school and she's eaten up by the idea that it's somehow karma for her actions.

So I guess yes, I'm more than capable of holding a grudge. But I'm grown up enough to be polite and happy to change my opinion of someone based on who they are now.

The thing is she probably doesn't see it as a big thing the same way as you do looking back. Just like the bullies who hurt me in school probably would minimise what they did whereas in my eyes it was horrendous and does leave scars even to this day.