Could you still hold a grudge against someone from primary school?

[BeardofHagrid]

Just silly girls’ politics during primary school, falling out with each other, accusations of best friends being stolen etc, could you still hold a grudge against someone for that now?

The context is that I saw a woman I was at primary school with recently in a shop and she stormed out when she saw me. I hadn’t seen her for 30 years.

I could still dislike someone 30 years later, certainly. Storming out the room at the sight of them is a different level of immaturity though...

Yes, definitely. And I am a fully signed up state pensioner.

There are two people from senior school I have live beef with too.

The big question is....what did you do to her to get such a strong reaction 30 years later? 😅

I would walk out of somewhere where mny bullies are.

Ive heard on the grapevine rhey want to apologise. I dont want to give them that power. It wont change anything for me, just them.

Oh yes. Definitely. Some things are unforgivable to me.

I'm in my 60s and hold a grudge forever.

It is deep rooted I think, i am 55 and I see the "girl" who made my life hell in primary/ first couple years of high school, and every time I see her my stomach lurches! She sometimes says hello im polite but I hate her !

Primary school, no. Secondary school, definitely. What did you do to her?

I still hold a grudge for the girl who told me age 6 that red hair was ugly and that I’d be prettier if I had blonde hair like her.

There are some people from primary school that were genuinely nasty and if I see them I presume they still would be, but I wouldn't be doing any storming. I'd just avoid interacting with them.

At the same time a girl I believed I was friends with throughout primary told my DH on a night out that I once told her she couldn't play with me in the playground. I was incredibly shy at school and did not say boo to a goose so found that pretty bizarre.

If there's someone on here whose childhood initials were RD and went to a little junior school in a shitty commuter town in Hampshire I'M REALLY SORRY 😔 🙏🏻

Bullies always minimise what they have done, so while I haven't experienced anything so bad, through primary school, it's valid that some people do.

No, not against someone specifically. Even the absolute bully of my primary school class seems to have turned out alright, but I wouldn't really know. I have no desire to have anything to do with her, and I wouldn't encourage chat in that situation, but I wouldn't revert back to school days drama and flouncing either. If spoken to "oh hi, nice to see you but I've got to run" etc. Then move in with my adult day.

However, it is worth remembering that rightly or wrongly people can associate others with a whole time period, and it brings back how they felt at the time. Even if it's not reasonable now, it was real then and could be quite upsetting. If it's a long time ago and into childhood then it's more complex.

I'd let this one go op, don't give it another thought.

I wouldn't recognise anyone I was at primary school with, if I'm honest, but I think in your shoes I'd be asking myself if such a strong reaction after all these years suggests she experienced you as a bully, rather than as a fellow-participant in 'silly girls' politics'?

Ross wouldn't let me play with the stickle bricks in nursery. I still hate him

I know you were children but saying silly girl politics is dismissing her feelings and expecting her to get over it, in reality those horrible feelings of isolation and upset do come back, I think you have to accept she doesn't like you.

If someone is storming out all these years later, the issues were never “silly girl” to them.

That’s so Ross. I shall hate him forever too. ✊

The mental scars of being bullied runs deep.

I’m not sure I’d even recognise anyone from primary school

What did you do to her…?

Yes, at age 10 Natalie managed to convince all my friends not to be friends with me anymore.

I am now 47, I still bear a grudge, especially when I see my daughter (same age) and imagine someone ostracising her in the same way.

I wouldn't cause a fuss if I met her, I would be brief and polite. But yah, I still hate Natalie.

I'm nearly 70 and I still hold a grudge against two girls who tried to disrupt my life all the way through Primary and Secondary school.

One of them 'disappeared' during 5th form (she was pregnant); the other I came across as she was living in the locality of my workplace.She wanted to chat away as though nothing has happened,informed me that she had become pregnant by a waiter while on holiday in Greece and asked if I knew of anyone who had any spare sticks of furniture for her new flat! I now regret holding my tongue and being ever-so polite.Ever since bumping into her I have rehearsed over and over what I would REALLY like to say.

Yes. She was a nasty racist bully and she now works in a job with huge power and weapons, terrifying. I wouldn’t storm out if I saw her somewhere but I wouldn’t choose to speak to her.

You don’t say what you did to hurt this woman so much when she was a child that it still hurts her now. I doubt it’s as funny or unimportant as you imply. Bullying can leave lifelong scars.

Two girls in year 7 (so not quite primary) bullied me so badly that I still feel quite sick about it 35 years later. I don't know if I'd recognise them now as I haven't seen them since we were all 12 but I certainly wouldn't want to socialise with them now.