Partner on holiday with a female friend!

[Daisymay1000]

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

I wouldn't call a music festival a holiday. And it's different when the sexes are reversed. A group of women is not going to be lusting after the man and he's not going to be titillating them in a revealing bikini.

Men and women are not the same.

You're revealing a lot more about yourself and your warped attitudes than you are about 'human nature'.

I'm a realist.

Some women are hopelessly naive. My exH used to say that Gen X is the first generation to know less about men than their grandmothers did, and he's right.

So naive.

@Daisymay1000 ultimately, for one reason or another, it's best your relationship is over.

Truth is, I think there are lots of things going on here.

Firstly, you said there are 5 in the apartment - so her and 4 guys? If she is there for one of the guys, what makes you think it's yours? I can't see the other fellas being happy about one of them getting their end away in a 2 bed apartment.

Secondly, just because she is a 'pick me' (which it does sound like) doesn't mean that he WOULD pick her. However, the rest of your posts indicate some very deep rooted insecurity around this. That in and of itself is a problem whether it leads to you doubting your relationship and a lack of trust or whether it leads to elements of you being controlling - both are problems.

Thirdly, men and women can go on holidays together without it being more sinister. I have done it myself - one guy added on to our girls trip. Nothing sexual/romantic with any of us, just a nice guy going away with his friends. However, I can say that my OH at the time would have raised absolute cain (as he was exceptionally insecure, jealous and controlling) so I omitted that piece of information to save myself the headache.

Truth is, overall it sounds like you don't trust him. He's lied to you, which has confirmed for you that you shouldn't trust him. At that point, the why's and wherefore's become irrelevant

I'm so glad I found myself social circles in which no one spouts, believes or gives the time of day to regressive bullshit like this.

OP, sounds like you have made the right decision.
He's a liar.

It's just you

I am sorry you have such low self-confidence and you see other women as threats and accuse them of god knows what.

If a woman is only surrounded by women like you, surely it makes sense why she needs male friends

I would have dumped him too.
It's not ok for him to go on holiday with another woman when he's pretended it's a lads holiday. (And probably only said "she might fly out" when he realised there would be pics on socials) No matter how many other blokes are around as a smokescreen. She is a pick me girl. Were you given the chance to go on this holiday? I'm guessing not, cos you're just a partner.
Men and women can be friends but not if a female friend gets access all areas when a wife or girlfriend doesn't, and is kept a secret from them.

She probably doesn't want to do anything sexual with any of these men. She may be completely oblivious to how sexual most men's minds are.

Woman like me, lol! I deliver the truth, I'm a realist, but many women are totally naive about men. As was I for many decades when younger.

Maybe the friends you have picked have been like this but that's not my experience or many other women's.

I have 3 close male friends my DH has 4 close female friends.

For my friendships neither of us has ever considered the other to be anything but a close friend. Would probably describe it more as a close sibling relationship. We get on brilliantly and with each others spouses. We have known each other for years and have got each other through tough times in the past.

For DH his close female friends stemmed from the same hobby. He definitely doesn't want to get his leg over and vice a versa them. There is no attraction between them they have a high level of trust in each other which is needed for a extreme sport. Its trust, friendship and respect for each other (whilst usually taking the piss too).

There have been women who have had an agenda with my DH but they aren't his close female friends and its pretty damn obvious when this is occuring. DH has shown zero interest shuts it down quickly and sets clear boundaries.

Well, the trouble is, you see, that biology hasn't kept up with politics.

Not men's biology, anyway.

It's not the truth, and it's your bitterness or jealousy that is talking.

We don't need "the patriarchy" to bring us down, when according to women like you, the rest of us are either cheap sex-addict or stupidly naive. Charming.

And no friends at all for the bisexuals!

I think when you're married, and if your DH's female friend quickly becomes yours too, it's different. My exDH had a close female friend and she and I quickly became tight. My experiences of male friends wanting more were when I was single. But I do think your closest male friend, when married, should be your husband.

@NameChangeMay2026 I have had friendships with men who've wanted more and friendships with men that are just that. Friendships.

I think you're massively over generalising.

Or maybe you're just so bloody irresistible that men can't help falling in love (or lust?) with you.

Indeed!

Why would I want three female friends when I already have some male friends?

(Do you see how ridiculous that is?)

I literally just said she probably doesn't want anything sexual with any of the men.

It's more the men I don't trust.

But I suspect she may have some issues around men and needs their admiration.

Men and women are not the same. The extent to which men are sex-driven is alien to most women.

I genuinely feel sorry for you if you have such a reductive view of humanity.

Anyway who wants all their friends to be the same?

A lot of these responses aren’t very helpful for the OP as they’re from women who belong to mature mixed sex friendship groups.

The OP has a boxer boyfriend, who goes on “lads” holidays, who invited a woman who was draped all over him giving him kisses after his match to put on her socials. He’s realised this woman is plastering pictures all over her social media and so has admitted to OP she’s joined the holiday.

The relationship between OPs boyfriend and this woman isn’t based on discussion of politics, music, shared hobbies etc.

She’s a pick me who is flirting with him and I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up doing more than flirting, with the alcohol, holiday vibes, and now OP has made it very easy for them to do so by dumping him.

OPs situation is unique and can’t be easily compared to some others described on here.

🤣🤣 I was pretty irresistible in my younger day! I could NOT have a male friendship without them wanting more. Nowadays I'm old and fat. Problem solved!

The issue isn’t that he has a female friend who went on a group holiday. It’s that he’s lied to you multiple times . You did the right thing to end it. But you also need to work out if he lied to try to protect himself because you struggle with unreasonable jealousy or because he’s a shit bag who didn’t want you to know he’s got other options on the go

Absolutely. Men and women are allowed opposite sex friends while in romantic relationships. It’s very silly and controlling to suggest otherwise. The issue here is the lying.

Sorry for me 🤣 Men are absolute horn-dogs whose main motivation in being close to a woman is to get his leg over. Have you not seen all the stories on here of women who were devastated when their trusted close male friend tried to get it on with them??