Partner on holiday with a female friend!

[Daisymay1000]

I need to ask peoples honest opinions.

my partner went away on Sunday “with the boys” I wished him off well, hope he has a lovely time etc. been FaceTiming me, sending me pics etc. then yesterday a female friend may be flying over. I said I wasn’t very comfortable with this especially as she would be staying in the same apartment. He said he wasn’t sure if she even was yet she just said she may do. I looked on her story on instagram and she was already there, had been the whole time! Tagging him in pics etc. Iv broke up with him as the lies and the disrespect for me are too much. Am I being unreasonable or over reacting? He said I was and it’s just a friend and I’m controlling. But for me I can’t imagine he would ever allow me on holiday with a male staying in the same apartment?! There’s 3 men and her.

How on earth can you not imagine what a man and a woman have in common?

Music. Literature. Politics. Sports. Travel. Nature. Art. Food and drink. Cinema. Gardening. I'm just scratching the surface here. The entire breadth of human interests that aren't dictated by our genitalia?!

The things I like to do with my closest male friends range from gigs and festivals to hikes to fancy tasting menus to political protests. I do those things with female friends as well, and of course DP. My closest friends (men and women) are the ones I've bonded most with over the longest period of time, I guess?

If your man wouldn’t happily sit on a beach chatting about his favourite books/films/shows to a female friend then frankly you’ve got worse things to worry about than the friend as he seems to have no depth or conversational ability. Nor the ability to see women as more than sexual partners.

I’m glad you broke up with him as he sounds boring AF.

I didn't say that men and women have nothing in common. I said I can't understand how your closEST friends can be opposite sex rather than same sex. Another woman gets being a woman far, far more than a man does. I can imagine being fairly close friends with a man, but I cannot imagine ever being closER to a male friend than I am to my female friends. Unless the man is my partner, I have far more things to talk about with women. I also find that men don't do the long, rambling talks for hours on end that my female friends and I have.

I feel the same way.
Two things are true at the same time here, you are insecure and don’t want him around female friends unless you’re there and he then feels the need to lie about the friend. If he’d been honest from the beginning what would you have said? Would you have given him an ultimatum of it you or her? I don’t think that’s very fair but you have your reasons and there are plenty of men who feel the same way about male friends, your not compatible so you are right to call it a day.

if there's anything that forum should show you, it's that being a woman is nowhere near enough to be "close" to another woman 😂

I am much closer to a couple of my best male friends that I could ever will be with some of the posters on here.

There's no such thing as the sisterhood nonsense, you can be close to anyone, and have male and female besties! You only need 1 or 2 besties, and close friends are not gender related .

"Being a woman" is not the focus of any of my friendships, with women or men! It's not even the thing that I bond with other women about. Frankly the most interesting conversations about "being a woman" and "being a man" are those I have with the opposite sex.

Men can certainly do rambling talks about things they're interested in, but again - long, rambling talks for hours on end are not what I'm looking for in my friendships.

completely agree with you

My god men can absolutely go on and on with rambling talks 😂

I am white, I will never "get" completely what it means for my friends to be black or asian, but that never stopped us from being friends.

I’m a bit confused. I thought I was quite clear I would neither tolerate a liar nor someone who keeps a massive flirt around them when supposedly committed to me. The girl isn’t really the problem though. He’s the one in a relationship and lying about what he’s up to.

Well, I find there's nothing like a female friend to talk with about peri, looking after elderly parents, children, sexism, and relationships. Women's experience of the world is so different to men's. Obviously everyone's different, but for me, I have far, far more in common with my female friends than with my male acquaintances.

it just made me laugh you assume he’s boring because he won’t sit on a beach and talk about books? He’s a boxer so life style is slightly different to those kind of convos.

Can’t see many who would be fine with this,I certainly wouldn’t!

Exactly. I’m guessing the ones who are probably are married and older generation. Things aren’t like that these days, it’s just mad disrespectful. It’s not like this is a life long friend he’s known since childhood. It’s been a couple of years he’s met through a place he goes to. It’s just weird in my eyes and not something you do in a relationship blatantly lie to your partner.

How long had you been together OP? Has he made any attempt to contact you since you finished it?

Outside of la la land where mumsnet is located firmly in the ether of made up virtue signalling….. People in relationships don’t hide facts from their significant others. Fact. Yanbu - please do not be posting next week about his sly arse, and how you gave him another chance. He’s telling you that he will please himself, and you will please him too. Is that what you want?

Oh I have mixed sex friendship groups. I don’t think the issue is the girl, or mixed gender friendships, regardless of your opinion of her she hasn’t done anything wrong. Your boyfriend lied to you, that’s the core of it. Does he have form for this sort of thing?

Then honedtly my love yorie better off without him. You don't trust him. He lied so you may have fair reason not to. If you can't trust him to have a female fired and not want to fuck her, don't date him. With or without the holiday. If they want to do it, they don't need a holiday.

Even as his partner! She was clearly a lot in other people’s eyes too as they felt to send me pics from the live stream and warn me. I looked at her story that night too and she’s posting him constantly and kissing him on the cheek etc. whilst I was lay at home 2 days after miscarriage still bleeding! She just lacks boundaries and respect of any sort.

why are you with this man? You don't have a woman problem, you have a partner problem. Get rid is what I'd do.

Is internalised sexism a new phrase for being a slapper?
”The original good time girl who was had by all”

Haven't we retired such phrases as "slapper"? Thought "slut-shaming" was a no-go these days.

If ops partner is unable to hold an intellectual conversation, maybe she needs a better taste in men

Sorry I don’t know what happened there - it was supposed to quote another poster, not you!

My sisters bf is male. I guess she just doesn't spend that much time talking about periods and menopause and the joys of owning breasts.

I talk to my female best friends about kids. And my male friends cos they're decent men who are involved in parenting. Work. Talk about it too with men. Politics. Movies. Family. Life.

The only difference with my bf is we know more of each other's secrets, but again they're it linked to being a woman. I just had all sisters, went to an all girls school and have always just had more women around me.

Sister has all those same cinvos but with the lad she's known since she was 11.

Well he's your ex now right so it doesn't really matter what he's doing on the beach with this girl.

Onwards and upwards.

There’s a massive difference between a mixed-sex friend group - and a person that willingly panders to your ex-partner’s ego and your partner allowing it.

Trust your instincts. You’ve recognised this as the final nail in the coffin.

Woke up this morning and on her story is her on my now exs quad bike, holding him with her vagina literally rubbing all against his back whilst the other lads had their own. Please tell me anyone that would be fine with this!!!😡😡😡😡😡😡