Do you pack your husband’s bag when he goes away..?

[ShillyShallySally]

Was chatting to a friend of a friend the other day. She was having a moan about her useless husband. In the course of this moan she mentioned that she’d had to pack his bag for a work trip. Just breezed past it as if it was the most normal thing. I was like wait…why are you packing his bag for him?? She huffs and puffs about “oh he won’t do it properly” or some shit. Didn’t really have much of an answer.

Mentioned this exchange at work. Seems this is not particularly uncommon. Had women moaning about having to do “all the packing for everyone” for family holidays etc.

i am quite baffled by this. Why are some women packing their husbands bags for them..? If nothing else, my husband wouldn’t want me to pack his bag for him. Being a grown adult he’d rather choose his own clothes.

Some men are absolutely fucking useless but my god, some women really don’t help themselves…

What else would you call it when women are on here saying they won't do anything for their husband at all? It takes a certain amount of effort to only wash certain people's clothes. What's the point being married if you can't or won't do anything for eachother? They obviously hate all men, so why marry one?

I show my husband i love him by booking all accommodation flights/transportation, planning activities, doing all the paperwork (insurances, passports, visas etc) driving, getting currency, ensuring clothes are washed, making sure we have sunscreen / hats/ swimming stuff, all of DDs packing, getting the car is ready (services, oil checks, fuel, clean and tidy etc) ... so he can enjoy the lovely holidays we have, that he spent around 20 minutes thinking about when he packed his own clothes ....

What's wrong with someone's husband packing your knockers and tampons? Surely he's seen( and got into) your knockers before And a box of tampons? Whyever not?

What else would you call it when women are on here saying they won't do anything for their husband at all?

I'd call it a lie because not one single poster has said this.

I don't currently have a husband, but the only person's bag I've ever packed apart from my own is my young son's! I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone incapable of packing a bag.

Nope, never had and never will. He's quite capable of packing his own suitcases/bags.

Luckily, we had 10 years of holidaying together before we lived together/married, so we always did our own packing at our relative homes, so everything was completely separate. When we married and started living together, we were so in the habit of doing our own packing it's never even crossed our minds for one of us to do it for the other.

He's a grown adult so can perfectly well look after himself and do his own!

I’m so glad I live alone. Fuck all these useless men that don’t possess simple life skills that apparently require a vagina to learn.

Of course not. He’s perfectly capable of packing his own bag.

And anyway, if I tried to do it the clothes would be folded incorrectly with creases in the wrong places, the packing system designed wrongly, the toiletries packed sub-optimally for most efficient space utilisation etc etc. It’s really much better for everyone if he does it himself, then he knows it will be done to his standards of perfection. 🙄

Eh? I adore my husband. We’ve been together for 30 years, very happily. We do all sorts of things for each other all the time. However, there is nothing I do because it is a ‘woman’s job’. If he got stuck at work and we were going to be late for the airport, I would pack his bag as best I could.

But I don’t do it all the time because I’m a woman and my ovaries make me good at packing. Ditto practically every other household job. We pick the ones we hate the least but are both fully capable of doing them all and do. If I’m particularly busy he doesn’t ignore anything in the house because it’s my job and vice versa. We both expect to walk into the house without empty mugs and or stuff in the sink or laundry put away. Neither of us would have it any other way.

Ditto! I shouldn’t overlook the fact that I have never packed his bag because I have lower standards.

Plenty of men can, and do, their fair share, and more. It's a matter for women to choose wisely and "train" them!!!

No! 😄

I've never met a man who expected it of me either.

How would I know what he wanted to take on holiday?

just because we don't pack their clothes for a holiday - doesn't mean we hate them.

and of course they do stuff ... its not like a PP would cook a whole Sunday roast just for herself and let DH cook his own separate dinner... or make him go and by the food he wants for the weekly shop, whilst she goes and buys "her" food or make them book their own flights for a family holiday separately etc or whatever.

They just don't do the mundane everyday tasks for them that they're capable of doing themselves.

Like making sure they have their own gym bag ready to go - for when they want to do a last minute gym session. This is basic stuff that a child can do - making sure they have their school bag ready for the next day for example.
It would be different if it was a one-off. My DH had this a few times - gym too - scheduled class, and he usually is organised, but he got stuck in traffic, and meant he came home later than usual, which meant he didn't have time to sort his shakes and stuff out without rushing - he usually comes home, from work, gets changed, sorts out his shakes and water bottle etc with plenty of time - so I did his shakes and a water bottle while he got dressed.

You're almost right.

I'm not training anyone, though! And I've never had to.

Exactly the same here. DH can, and will, do the laundry, hang the washing and iron it, just as easily as I will. Likewise tidying up, washing up, etc. If the car's dirty or the lawn needs mowing, I'll do that, just as easily as DH would do it. It all depends on who is doing what, who's in the house, who's at work, etc. I'd say very little of our "household chores" are the sole domain of one or other of us, we both do most things, and do a lot of household chores together too. I can't think of a single thing that's either "my" job or "his" job.

When I say "training", I mean to do it right, to my standards, not just to do it at all. DH was more than willing to try to do everything when we first married and bought our home, but it took a while to "tweak" his ways to my standards!!

I often do

However, prior to that point he has done all the washing, drying, folding and putting away of clothes, he always does, along with the majority of house chores, so I absolutely don't feel put out!

The planning and organisation of events like holidays, birthdays and Christmas is where I shine so these are my domain. The day to day drudgery is what he's good at so he does it.

You don’t need to train them. You just don’t take over all the personal tasks that they would and did do themselves if/when they were single!

I know we’re on the same side of the debate!

Seriously, these threads baffle me!

Im 52. I've lived with three men in my lifetime and had various boyfriends along the way.

I've never dated a man who couldn't pack his own bag, cook, do his own laundry, clean a house etc because most of them lived alone when I met them.

I've never had a man even suggest that I should do those things for them.

Im pretty sure I've met men who probably would have expected those things but they always revealed themselves and their chauvinistic attitudes on the first date and so I've not dated them

.

But why should we need to train other adults how to be adults? That would feel like I was mothering them and that also gives me the ick.

That makes sense.

When I first started seeing my partner, he had ways of doing things that were developed when he was married around how they organised/ran their house etc.

If I'm honest though, I'd say the adapting went both ways. He and his ex wife had some really good ways of doing things that I hadn't considered and so I took those on as much as he did other things how I wanted them done. Best of both worlds!

Oh dear. We do lots of things for each other. We aren’t talking g about that.

It would be more effort for him to go through my washing and take out delegates, or for me to have separate places for different washing. His is a load on its own with the sportswear, is all dark colours and he’s happy to wash everything at 30. Mine is more complex but makes up a light load and a dark load each week. We have to space the loads out due to working patterns and capacity of the heated airer.

In this house, if it doesn’t require a vagina or penis to undertake the activity, it’s anyone and everyone’s job. I don’t accept “I can’t” from DH and he doesn’t accept it from me. We are both capable adults. I can do plenty of things he can’t, and vice versa. I don’t accept I can’t learn from otherwise competent adults. (And we are a fully ND household.)

Where have I mentioned anything about men's or women's jobs?

Definitely not. I wouldn't even know what to pack for him.

Though I do tend to be the one who packs the kids' stuff. But I work part time so I figure that's fair.

That is really pathetic.