Is this normal? Joining husband at in-laws!

[ArnosLeach]

Tell me if this is normal.

Husband pops to see his family with younger child.

Wife drops elder child with friend and then meets her own friend for an hour or so before collecting elder child again.

Would you then pop into in-laws where husband and younger child is?

Which scenario are you wanting to know is normal or not?

Why do you think it's abnormal?

Maybe, if I fancied it. Or maybe I'd go home. Or maybe I'd go and do something else.

None of the options are abnormal

Yes, if I felt like it. No, if I didn't. There's nothing abnormal about any of this.

Of course it’s normal to pop and see your in laws
they are your family too

I’d probably go straight home and crack on with other things. Just depends on the day really and what I fancied doing. I don’t understand what’s wrong with popping in or not?

My normal is all children and adults visit in laws together but it does depend on a few factors I think.
How often do you see in laws?
How far away do they live?
What is the age of the older child?
Does the child have pre-agreed plans?
Does the wife get on with in laws? etc

We know a couple where the wife never goes to the in laws with her DH and children. No particular fall out. She just prefers to see a friend instead or have time to herself. That's normal for them.

Are they expecting you? Didn't you decide in advance if you were going to meet up there or not?

I mean it depends on so many things. What else I was doing that day. What else elder child was doing that day. How old elder child was and whether they needed feeding. Where the in laws are in relation to where I was, where the elder child was, and home.

I think popping in or not is totally normal. In our case, a situation like this, the chances are that the younger child would want to come home so I'd probably pop in for a quick cup of tea with MIL then take younger child home too and leave DH there. But that's our family. I don't think it's weird not to pop in or weird to always pop in. Everyone will have their own.

I do think it's weird if there's an assumption taht every single time a man sees his family his wife has to go along, and vice versa. My family love DH but yes, my dad enjoys his time with just me and ditto I get on well with PIL but they like having time 1-2-1 with DH without me too.

No I wouldn’t, seems we are talking a number of hours since the husband arrived at in-laws and mum having free time and then picking up the oldest child. Unless your husband lingers there for hours on end

Generically, maybe? If I felt like it.

Specifically to my in-laws, no.

Elder child and I pulled up outside just as younger child ran into the front room to hear my sister-in-law say FFS always rocks up. My MiL then said something in Italian to her cousin and cousin’s daughter said something about insecurity.

Don’t know how to proceed. Haven’t even told my husband.

Depends on a whole variety of things so maybe yes, maybe no. There's no hard and fast rule.

I wouldn't go back there until I had an explanation and apology

And I would certainly tell him

They are mean and horrible. I think it is perfectly normal and can’t see why they have an issue.

I would talk to your husband. Mine is also meditteranean and I am always welcome.... but I do absolutely think MIL loves having her darling little boy to herself for hours at a time. And I'm totally fine with that so it works well! :) And as I said, my parents have always liked dh - but I'm 100^ confident they'd hate it if he was always there when I am with them. ditto my sister and I get on well with our respective DHs but we often spend time together without them.

So it might be that they are just happy chatting in Italian, being together etc, and don't want the sense of hosting.

Or they're just horrible people. Hard to tell.

They don't sound very pleasant. Is there a backstory? Do you get on with your in-laws?
But yes, tell your dh.

Do you always rock up?

ithappenstootherfamilies

Probably quite often.

I don’t have a conscious thought to do it.

But he does see them quite often alone.

Is elder child also your husbands?

If yes, I would expect them to be happy you'd supported them to see both grandchildren.

If not, I can see where they would treasure time with just their son and grandson.

On the surface it sounds like YANBU, but thinking harder I do appreciate time with just me, DD and my mum. She sees us all as a family as well, but less often.

I don't usually go see my in-laws because they live in the same town as my dad, and I'd rather see him. DP goes to his parents' house on his own. I do join him maybe one time in four to be sociable, but it's pretty much out of duty.

Are you ever included in things by them?

I may or may not depending on what else I had to do / wanted to do.

Your inlaws sound awful

Wait, I just realised he was out at your in-laws and you were out completely separately with your mate, then you drove over later to join in, rather than to pick up your daughter/husband.
Yes, that would be a bit weird if you weren't there to start with, especially if they weren't expecting you.

Had you told your DH you'd join them after you saw your mate, or did you just "rock up" as your SIL said?

I think it's slightly different going over all together as a family versus turning up unexpectedly at some point during the day.

Elder child is from a previous relationship.

Hospitality is their middle name.

There has been a major issue about their relationship with elder child but when in front of them they are warm and welcoming.

They were doing a BBQ and sister’s husband was
there as well as cousins and FiL’s friend.

This was not an occasion that is just how they roll.