Is this normal? Joining husband at in-laws!

[ArnosLeach]

Tell me if this is normal.

Husband pops to see his family with younger child.

Wife drops elder child with friend and then meets her own friend for an hour or so before collecting elder child again.

Would you then pop into in-laws where husband and younger child is?

Exactly

I’m not convinced it’s the same poster either. Feels different but who knows

Bridesmaidorexfriend

canklesmctacotits

Not me!

Would never feel the need to crash a pantomime.

Your child is there, it's perfectly reasonable for you to " rock up " your inlaws are horrible people op.

I wouldn’t turn up in a second car, no.

Honestly, I think this is more about your elder DD though, sorry.

EDIT - just read your other thread. It’s definitely about your elder child.

@ArnosLeach: Elder child is from a previous relationship.

I think that sums up the issue. Neither you nor that other man's offspring are or ever will be considered part of their family. Sorry OP, but I would be preparing to settle in for a long life of hubbie and younger child being included in everything and you and older child being excluded or made to feel unwelcome.

And before long you will be typing a post about wills and inheritance because there is no way older child will ever get a penny of your husband's money if his family has anything to do with it.

Ok, let’s be clear here. They don’t like you and they are ambivalent about your elder child.

It’s up to you what you do with this information but personally I would stop trying and keep contact to a minimum. I’d manage elder child’s expectations because they probably won’t be invited to family weddings etc. If I am honest I probably wouldn’t encourage my younger child to have a relationship with them either but if your DH wants to manage that side of things that would be for him to do. I certainly wouldn’t be putting myself out for them and I would make it clear to DH in private what I think of them.

What has the mode of transport got to do with it?

And yes, if my DH and one child were say at his sister’s it would be perfectly normal for me and the other child to join them for the last hour to say hi and have a quick cup of tea. But that’s because she is a nice normal person and not a poisonous bitch.

Because if we were meeting up to all go home together; fine. To go out of my way to visit in my own car, no I wouldn’t.

That’s clearly not the issue here though.

It's fine for you to do this. I'm sorry they don't like you. I have 2 cousins. One could rock up at 3am with a large dog and a brass band and I'd be happy to see her. The other, not so much.

Sorry, they don't really like you.

Is it true though OP? Do you always turn up whenever your DH visits his family? They seem to think you’re insecure and you don’t leave him alone. This isn’t about this one occasion is it?

Now you’ve had the heads up they’d like a bit of time just with him, maybe ration your visits. They will appreciate you far more if you play a bit hard to get.

I don’t see anywhere this is about your daughter. They don’t mention her.

Yes how can I answer this without more information? My answer would be it depends. Maybe I would drop in, maybe I wouldn't, but either way I wouldn't expect anyone to be bothered

Your inlaws don't like you. Disgusting thing for them to say.

It's also perfectly normal not to, though.

It's fine for a couple to do things separately sometimes.

I think sadly it might be more about your elder child from a previous relationship than you exactly 😞

Is there anymore to tell? I get the impression they don't like having you around under any circumstances. Do you think it's related to your child that's not their grandchild?

Your SIL was out of order. I hope your daughter didn't hear the comment directed at you both.
You need to tell your husband and establish clear boundaries.
Your eldest will become more aware of the resentment as she gets older. Please don't allow her to be abused like this as it will have a huge effect on her self esteem.

I wish my husband would go visit HIS parents without me!!

I was going to say... I don't know!

But if I'm reading this right - they are insinuating that you are insecure and cannot let Husband do anything on his own and being derogatory in a language you don't understand?

Is there a back story?

Personally, I would have loved to head anywhere else but ILs and mine were lovely, it was just about grabbing 'me' time.

I've probably missed half the thread...

I find this confusing. Were you not invited?

I thought they were going to be annoyed at you not going!! Not the other way round.

It is unacceptable that your child heard them slagging you off. Your DH needs to step up here and be on your side!!!

I do not always go with him. He goes several days a week as they are literally on parallel road.

They often cook a huge meal on a Sunday. Last Saturday it appeared that we were welcome and we had a nice impromptu lunch .

My younger child heard what they said and repeated it back to me with an attempt at a translation of MiL.

My in laws are not my family - they’re my husband’s. The only connection I have with them is through him - I wouldn’t want to know them otherwise.

OP, I would just go home 😂

I'm having coffee alone right now because DH is visiting parents. I'd say I go along maybe 30% of the time. We often invite them to ours and I am very attentive and present then. I don't need to see them as often as dh and kids do. I would feel I'd be welcomed though if i did go. Definitely talk to Dh. All that said, sometimes families need to discuss things without partners. If ILs incl SIL snd DH were talking about something serious like elderly care I'd be told to stay away and I wouldn't question it

Honestly I’d bring it up with them, but I’m fairly confrontational (in a nice way!)…

“DD2 told me you were concerned that I had come to visit today with DD1. Is there something you’d like to discuss with me? I’d hate to be a nuisance if you were hoping to spend time with DH alone. Or was there another reason you were feeling uncomfortable?”

:)