Is this normal? Joining husband at in-laws!

[ArnosLeach]

Tell me if this is normal.

Husband pops to see his family with younger child.

Wife drops elder child with friend and then meets her own friend for an hour or so before collecting elder child again.

Would you then pop into in-laws where husband and younger child is?

Not an occasion but sounds like they all know each other very well, MIL SIL, cousins, FIL friends etc, personally I wouldn't have gone unless I had specifically been invited. Leave them to it

OttersOnAPlane

Fair enough but I just did it naturally to be with everyone.

Personally I would have gone at the beginning all of us - or just left the two of them to it

But I am anti social haha

I don't think they see your eldest child as part of their family, and keep you at arms length as well. They were having a get together and hadn't invited you or your daughter. You gate-crashed the BBQ.

Blended families are not universally embraced by extended family. It's always a risk.

I don't think I would have just rocked up out of the blue, no. If that had been the plan all along, that me and DD would arrive later, then fine, but it doesn't sound like this was the plan. I wonder now if you are the poster who has had issues with your DHs family and his older child for years, the one who wanted to crash the pantomime. If so, you should probably keep your distance and let your DH handle his relationship with his family by himself.

The in-laws were not having an occasion, a BBQ would be nothing to them. FiL was a Restaurateur.

Because we all live in parallel streets there are few formal occasions. Husband pops in and youngest always wants to go with him if he’s going from home, as there is always something going on at their house.

Were you invited?

As in, did your DH tell you to meet him there when you were done with the eldest's playdate?

Seems obvious neither you or elder dd are welcome.
Sorry op.

Yes, this is the important bit!

Invited - unusual not to all go together, but still ok.

Specifically not invited - unusual to be excluded from an extended family get together (rude!), not ok to rock up.

All very casual - perfectly normal to rock up.

Are you the Christmas panto family who always have issues re youngest and eldest DD?

canklesmctacotits

It was not a formal occasion. It was just a normal Saturday.

Magpiegrave

Not me.

Jeez they're family, who the need for so much gsywkeeping. Please don't turn up to something your husband and child are at without a week written prior permission. Op said it wasn't an event, it was just family hanging 9ut. She's family.

Op I don't think you're unreasonable. I think it's sad that eldest had to be dropped off elsewhere. Are they put put you just dropped round later instead of coming at the start? Do you get other signs of antipathy from them normally?

I wouldn’t be bothering in future

Fuckers

If OP is the poster I think she is there is a huge back story to this. OP and the DHs family do not get along and OP is angry with them for not treating her older DD as one of theirs. She has also crashed other occasions when they have been spending time with their DGDs but not OPs DD.

No elder child was with me.

Probably not, husband often takes elder child to his dads without me and our baby. Sometimes I’ll meet them there after if fancy it or often won’t bother

Either popping in or not popping in could be considered normal, so it’s quite hard to answer the question.

Doesn't have to be formal or informal for the question to apply. When you both left the house, did you agree that you'd meet up at the in laws' house or later at home or something else? I don't live near enough to any family for a popping-in sort of situation, but I can't imagine not working out beforehand what everyone else is doing for the day.

It makes a difference because clearly they don't have an open-house policy - they have over the people they invite (your DH and DD, cousins, friend, whatever). So, popping in "uninvited", as in your DH didn't tell them that you'd be coming too in a couple of hours, could be rude (albeit nowhere near as rude as SIL and MIL and whoever).

Oh God, is this THAT poster? I did monetarily wonder if she might be but this OP sounded different (use of "mate"), If so, what a complete and utter waste of time 🙄

I'm not sure I entirely understand everything here, what is FFS (to me it is 'for fucks sake'? or does it refer to a relation?)

Anyhow, amongst my in laws who also have a lot of impromptu dinners/BBQs and comings and goings or give little notice for family events, turning up willy-nilly in various formations, at various times is completely and utterly normal, almost expected given we all have different busy lives and commitments and desires!
I would be heartbroken if I discovered my in-laws - my family - didn't want me there!

You do need to tell your husband. You and he are together and need to be at least as close as he is with birth family, or whatever gaps you leave in your relationship, they will creep into like wisteria sinensis into plumbing. What is said about you is said about both of you.

Snoken

No this is not me.

Why is it? She had plans, after her plans finished she joined her family at the in-laws? What is weird about it. Wherever I am, my wife is welcome. If she’s not welcome - I’m not there