AIBU to want my estate divided equally between all four children?

[Imdefonotmaddona]

I have 4 children
DD 1 and DD2 are mine and my late husbands.
DS2 - was biologically husbands and not mine but he is with me full time.
DD3 is mine with my current DP so the only one who hasn’t got the same dad.

on the passing off my husband everything came to me. I have always been financially independent and the house was paid for by both of us.
he had some money and a life insurance policy.

I am updating my paperwork and that Includes My will to include DD3.

I was discussing this with my best friend and she mentioned that I should seperate and not give equal amounts because some of what they will inherit would be technically my late husbands so should take than in to account for DD3.

I was thinking that It’s now my assets / money and that I should share it equally amongst the 4 children.

what would you do ?

In that case I'd speak to your current DP and ask whether he'd rather change his will to treat your children equally to your shared child, in which case you'll split your assets equally. Or if he'd rather leave everything to his biological child, in which case you'll give a greater share of your estate to your three eldest to account for the money from their dad.

I wouldn't worry about grandparents, there's little you can do about inheritance from outside your household. But I wouldn't allow your youngest to financially benefit from your older children's dad's death if they won't be treated equally by your current partner (especially as they lost their dad so young).

How can OP possibly know what DH would wanted in these circumstances? He may not even have considered the question himself. OP is including his son in the heirs and it's quite fair to also include her child with a new partner.
Some people do consider these issues in advance. My mum left all her savings to her children because she guessed our dad would marry again and have more children, which he did. Her share of their jointly owned house stayed with him, which was also right - it was his home! At least she knew we would get something from her.

That takes absolutely no account of the cost of raising the children to adulthood (and beyond).
It's not "really simple".
The OP's late husband chose to trust his dw.
And I agree with @Imdefonotmaddona's view that 4 ways works in her current situation.

This. Dividing your late husband’s estate between the 3 older DC and the child you share with your DP does not seem fair to me. Or will your DP be doing the same?

Will your DP do the same for your 3 older children? Will he split equally between all 4?

but it’s your choice. So you just do what’s right. Just keep in mind that your DC will have to live with whatever you decide.

You leave your estate equally to your 4 children
your dp does what he wants with his estate.

my dh and I both intend to split out estate between our three children ( two mine one ours)
My dds dad rents and has no money (and a lot of debt) so they won’t inherit from him.

Is your husband to include your older 3 in his will as well?
I understand both points yours and your friend. It is your state/money to decided but I wouldn't include your younger in your late husband assets if I were you.

Splitting OP’s estate 4 ways would probably work if her (current) DP did the same and divided his estate between all 4 children as well. But I’m not so sure he will…

If the 3 older DC receive 1/4 of OP’s estate (which includes their late’s father’s estate) and the half sibling / DD3 will receive 1/4 of OP’s estate and the entirety of her DF’s estate? That doesn’t seem equal to me (and I’d worry about resentment between the siblings).

It sounds like you treat all 4 kids as yours so I think your proposed division is fine.

If there was a huge amount of wealth from your dh then the split should probably be that money coming from him goes 3 ways to his kids, and the rest of your money goes 3 ways to yours, but it doesn't sound like that is the case. You will probably have spent what you got from him before you die in amy event, particularly where you are paying for dss schooling.

I would suggest that rather than "spitting feathers" if the DGP are decent people they are extremely grateful for the OP and her DH for bringing their DSS up as part of the family, including paying for schooling due to their specific needs. I'm sure the OPs late DH would also be feeling this, rather than quibbling over how an inheritance is split.

One suggestion -

Each child entitled to inherit from 2 parents

Divide OP's estate into sixths

Older 2 daughters, entitled to inherit from OP and their father (OP's late husband). They get two sixths each ie one third

Stepson entitled to inherit from his mother and OP's late husband. He gets one sixth

Younger daughter entitled to inherit from OP and her father (OP's partner). She gets one sixth

But it's also worth thinking about emotional aspects of this. If children inherit unequally, it can cause resentment

Leaving equally to all 4 children may be a little unfair (if younger daughter also inherits from her father) and not what late husband would have wanted (I wouldn't want my estate going to my husband's second wife) but perhaps less likely to cause friction between siblings

In England and Wales being married has nothing to do with what happens to your assets when you die unless you die without a will. Married people own things in their own right and are free to leave their assets to whoever they wish, there is no rule that says spouses are entitled to anything.

My partner and I have our own children and are each leaving our assets to our respective offspring. We got married on the advice of our solicitor so that the surviving partner will inherit the others inheritance tax allowances.

It's your money, the dead have no possessions. It is entirely your choice.

You can choose to consider that each of the 4 children has 2 parents. For the two eldest, your estate represents the whole of what they could inherit. If the child who has a different mum or the child whose dad is your current partner might have a significant inheritance from someone other than you due to their different parentage, which the others definitely won't get a share in, then that would be reasonable grounds for it to be unequal, but it is fundamentally your choice and if it doesn't sit right with you to calculate it that way then you don't have to.

IMPORTANT - remember that if at any time you choose to marry your current partner, even if it is a spur-of-the-moment or deathbed marriage done for tax or power-of-attourney reasons, it will make this will null and void and you will need to remake it (potentially unchanged) or you will die intestate and he will inherit the majority.

Your money , your children , your decision. For what it's worth, I agree with you.

Hopefully the OP's older children would understand how much their step father had contributed to their lives including financially which they wouldn't have had if their dm hadn't married him.

Do you have any money/assets left from your late husband or has it all been used up and replaced with your own money?

I think if there was anything left from his estate, I'd ringfence that element and split between his kids. I'd make an adjustment if you spent any of it on the other children.

Everything else to be split equally between the children you regard as yours.

I'd sitoney in half as it was yours and previous husband's money. Then split his half between his 3 DC then split your half between all 4 DC. You may create wealth with your current partner and that should be split between you and current partner with your half being split between all 4 DC and current dh's wealth left to your youngest child that is his. I think that is fair. Youngest DCight also inherit from his side of family eg grandparents.

I agree. There are people who are horrified that our four children - one mine, three his - will inherit equal shares of our joint estate. Fuck ‘em, we’re doing what’s right for us.

How do DD1 and 2 get on with their half brother and half sister?

Is DSS a result of an extra marital affair? Is there any resentment around him, and the fact that you pay for him to go to private school?

This could have a bearing on how they feel about the inheritance split, and how much DSS should get. For example, they might think that he had his share in the form of years of school fees...

If you’ve been paying school fees and other costs for DSS for years, along with DDs1&2, I suspect there isn’t much, if anything left from the original inheritance, and likely OP and maybe her DP are financially subsidising DSS. People are acting like her late DH’s money has been preserved in aspic all these years just waiting to be inherited. The house was mortgaged, he didn’t own it outright. The estate has been spent or will be by the time the kids are adults.

The youngest kids will inherit from their Dad through inheriting from their paternal GPs

I think given your specific circumstances a four way split is fair and probably the only practical solution.

I do quite like the idea of an ISA set up for each of your late husbands DC with some money in as a token from his estate. DD3’s dad could do the same for her.

And that's what a parent is imo. Nothing to do with biology. Who knows, maybe that child will be the one who is there for you in your old age.

I agree. The children are all under 16. By the time the OP dies most likely decades will have passed since her first DH died. Trying to carve out his estate from hers at that point is madness.

Im normally in the money goes to own kids camp, but in this instance I think it should go 4 ways. You received 500k from him and which needs to cover 50% of raising 3 x children AND school fees which at £20k pa minimum means that 500k will realistically be gone soon (assume DSS is the eldest so has 2 x years of school left). Yes DD3 might get a bit more overall so you could always start an ISA with 10k for the older 3 as a gesture but I think you are all so enmeshed that 4 ways is the only option

4vways seems fair and less complicated to me. If you are expecting a long relationship with DP surely there will be times when he forks out for your children. Your a family not a shareholding.

I would do a four way split as you don’t know what the future holds for your DHs finances (he may use them up with care)

It sounds like all 4 children have been living with you during their childhood, as siblings. So if you don't split your assets between the 4 of them equally that will likely cause upset and confusion.

Two of your children may inherit from their other parent as well - but that's nothing you can control. Their other parent may go bankrupt or need to spend everything on care or leave their money to a donkey sanctuary. The only thing you can control is the split of your own will. And if you want the children to think you loved them equally, it has to be equally split.