AIBU to want my estate divided equally between all four children?

[Imdefonotmaddona]

I have 4 children
DD 1 and DD2 are mine and my late husbands.
DS2 - was biologically husbands and not mine but he is with me full time.
DD3 is mine with my current DP so the only one who hasn’t got the same dad.

on the passing off my husband everything came to me. I have always been financially independent and the house was paid for by both of us.
he had some money and a life insurance policy.

I am updating my paperwork and that Includes My will to include DD3.

I was discussing this with my best friend and she mentioned that I should seperate and not give equal amounts because some of what they will inherit would be technically my late husbands so should take than in to account for DD3.

I was thinking that It’s now my assets / money and that I should share it equally amongst the 4 children.

what would you do ?

I’d split 4 ways myself particularly as it sound like there’s a lag between inheritance from ex and hopefully a long time later! Seems the fairest way to me and it’s a shame others aren’t as nice.

I think it is disrespectful of your late husband.

If he's OK without your money (and assuming he has to sell the house when yiu die) then it sounds like he'll have something to leave Dd3. In which case I would consider splitting your dead DHs estate into 3 and your leftover into 4.

She isn’t going to. Step parents rarely do when they’ve had more kids. It’s all about “fairness” when it benefits their new children, it’s nothing to do with fairness to the children of the deceased.

He left everything to OP, and clearly trusted her to make sure it went to his kids in the end. She could go on to have 2 or 3 other children, and his children’s share of his money will keep going down because it isn’t being ring fenced. But that’s standard step parent behaviour really. From years on mumsnet, that’s all we see. Glad neither of my parents had second families.

Others aren’t as nice? Because we think his estate and money should go to his own kids? Wow. What if OP had 5 more kids… should his half of the house just keep getting cut isn’t smaller portions for his own kids?

Equally, always. Can’t imagine splitting hairs like this and causing divisions.

It’s lovely that you want to split your assets across all of your children. It would be cold and damaging not to.

I am not sure what you mean by step parents don’t do you mean me or my DP.
my step son has a home still here. Will get equal inheritance from my money which will be a lot more than his dads ( if I live a long life that I hope to )
he is not treated any differently than my children.

It’s interesting to read these responses because when it’s the other way around, everyone jumps to say the shares shouldn’t be equal because the other child(ren) have 2 other parents to inherit from!

However, in your circumstances, as it sounds like the children are quite young, I would split 4 ways. I would consider the inheritance you received from your late husband to be the advanced child maintenance for raising the children that he’s no longer around to provide for. If he had died when the children were all adults, I’d have felt a different split would be fairer. Depending on what sort of money you are talking about, you could always put X amount each for the 3 children (eg £5k/£10k) and state in the will that this is from their fathers estate so your youngest child doesn’t feel hurt, the older children feel that they’ve inherited something from their dad and it’s not masses of money that will make a huge difference to everyone’s lives in that it won’t leave one in poverty while the others are living in mansions. Of course if DD3’s father is extremely wealthy, and she will inherit a lot from him, this could be your opportunity to make it fairer.

There is no right or wrong answer here. You could always revisit the will when the children are adults and you can discuss it with them if you wish.

I wish parents would secure their assets for their children so they are protected in cases of blended families. Your husband likely never thought his assets would go to a child not related to him.

your DD3 has two living parents to inherit from. I think it would be better to calculate the value of his estate when he died and split that between three, then the assets built up since split four ways.

Just to add I’m having no more children …

I think it helps when you come at it from the other side. I have two kids and a new partner. If I marry him, and don’t leave a will then he’d get everything. And he is young enough o have kids. So then all my assets could end up being left to children he has in the future. Absolutely not acceptable.

So I’m not marrying him. If I did, my will would leave my assets to my children, not him.

OP’s husband didn’t think ahead and clearly trusted OP to protect his children when it came to inheritance. She isn’t doing that, because it’s being watered down to account for her new kid/kids if she has more.

I agree with you. Treat them all equally.

I am though.
I am raising his son as well as our 2 daughters. My wages for the next how many years will be paying for their education, their house and anything else that that need.
I will then be splitting my money between 4 not 3.

I think it massively depends on how much he left you. If it was say £250k or less then it’s reasonable to assume that bulk of that was absorbed by the cost of raising them etc. and therefore fine for an equal split. If it was more, I’d probably ringfence a portion for his biological children only.

Realistically over time their inheritance from me will be the larger portion.

You are still diverting your husband’s share of the assets away from his children in order to benenfir a child you’ve gone on to have with another, and that child will also inherit from their own dad. So they get to inherit from you, their dad plus a share of your late husband’s assets, whilst the other children will onto inherit from you and your late husband. That isn’t fair.

Your husband share of the assets should be ring fenced to go to his children. Not your new child.

How would you feel if your new partner got your assets, went on to have more children and split your assets between them?

If you die before your current partner how will they split the money? I would be looking for all 4 children to end up with the same inheritance in the end - for that you need to understand what your partner will do.

DD3 shouldn't get an equal share of your money no, because some/a lot of that is from the older 3's Dad. She will inherit from her own Dad & they will not.

I think the age and stage of the children when you and your DP got together is relevant. Have you effectively raised DS1, even though they are not your biological child. Ultimately though, splitting it four ways is the signal that says I love you all equally. And that is how it will be treated - a great big signal that reverberates after your death

You choice to adopt his child doesn’t then give you to moral right to take the asset he left and pass it onto a child that isn’t his. He didn’t adopt your new child, doesn’t even know about them. That’s your own choice. His assets shouldn’t go to your new child. They should go to his. If there is anything left of those assets.

Well this is impossible to predict really because

I know for example I will inherit from my parents, in which all 4 kids would also inherit.

DP won’t inherit from his parents.

the 3 older children will inherit from their grandparents ( husbands )

You clearly don't want to but only yours should be split between 4.

The money from your late husband should be split between three.

Your DP will only leave his money to his child.

I think that had you not had the step child in the mix I would have fallen upon weighting the split towards an unbalanced split to take into account different fathers. However the step son is in the mix and I think the complication of trying to unpick the fair solution is going to be tricky so I think the easiest and cleanest is an equal split.

the alternative is that you invest a certain amount now in accounts for the 3 children which comes from their dad’s money. Your 4th child can have an account too but that should come from their dad’s money. They all end up the same but you can say the money came from their dad’s different sources. Then the rest is equal

Good point about DD3 possibly inheriting from her Dad. OP, it sounds like you would like for all four to receive the same amount. Perhaps factor in any inheritance DD3 might receive and deduct that from her share, so that ultimately all four receive the exact same amount.

Would you be okay with it being split 4 ways if you and you do died in an accident together and his will (or lack of one) meant the 2 youngest got his entire estate and your 2 oldest got nothing?

Meaning
Oldest 2 get 12.5% each and youngest 2 get 37.5% each?
Then the third child who is not biologically yours then inherits even from their mother...
Would this leave bad feeling and division amongst them?

You need to discuss this and plan properly with your current partner.
You also consider what provision did your deceased husband imagine he was making for his children when entrusting all this assets to you because I dont think it was zero....

Its complicated with blended families...