AIBU to want my estate divided equally between all four children?

[Imdefonotmaddona]

I have 4 children
DD 1 and DD2 are mine and my late husbands.
DS2 - was biologically husbands and not mine but he is with me full time.
DD3 is mine with my current DP so the only one who hasn’t got the same dad.

on the passing off my husband everything came to me. I have always been financially independent and the house was paid for by both of us.
he had some money and a life insurance policy.

I am updating my paperwork and that Includes My will to include DD3.

I was discussing this with my best friend and she mentioned that I should seperate and not give equal amounts because some of what they will inherit would be technically my late husbands so should take than in to account for DD3.

I was thinking that It’s now my assets / money and that I should share it equally amongst the 4 children.

what would you do ?

What does your current partners will look like ? Will he leave all his money to just your ds4? Has he other children?

I completely understand where you’re coming from but I’d want to understand the answer to the above and personally would be perhaps ringfence some of your ex husbands money to first 3 ( still give ds4 some but not equal) depending on answer to the first bit

Can you say roughly how much you inherited? I think that would influence my decision. If the kids were very young when their dad died and you paid to raise them alone then a smallish inheritance is probably all used up and everything is back on an even keel.

If it was a larger amount and there's still technically some of the inheritance in your personal savings then I'd leave some of that only to his biological children. It recognises their dad to them. Or can you give them something towards a house purchase or a car that they can say was a contribution from their dad? I realise that's sentiment talking and not practicality but it might mean something to them. Your youngest might feel worse off, but she still has her dad. Their dad died. I think that deserves some recognition.

But in this sort of situation you can never make everything totally ££ equal. The older kids will inheritance frkm their grandparents, one of them might also get something from their mum, the youngest will inheritance from their dad. How do you make that equal?

Whatever you do, make sure you explain to them so they all understand your wishes.

Having read all your posts I think 4 ways is best.
If the children were adults now it would be different.
I imagine whatever was left to you will be spent enabling you to bring your children up, including DSS so in reality there's unlikely to be any money left after doing that.

Equally is right and just.

Given the likely gap between your DH's and your deaths, I think a 4 way split of your assets is entirely reasonable. I think any benefit that your youngest daughter gets from the situation is counterbalanced by the money and support you have given to your step son over the years.

I would say including house ( but we have to bare in mind there is still a mortgage ) as although he contributed to the deposit. There is still a fair few years left on the mortgage.
so don’t know how that works in terms of ring fencing.
around 500k.

our outgoings are the usual and DSS school fees.

Yes, the complicated thing to do would be to divide the estate into two halves, one OP’s and one her late DH’s. Each half is then divided into 3, so the DC of both OP and her late DH get double what the other two get.

If that doesn’t seem fair, and is likely to cause trouble, then go with four equal shares.

Thing is you’re trying to ensure they all receive the same which is admirable. But there are so many other variables with other mothers, grandparents , dads etc and you can’t predict that. Not can you predict how much each persons estate will be or where they’ll leave it. Personally I’d say

ringfence your ex assets and split that 3.
rest of your estate by 4

the rest is beyond your control

Its never going to be easy to be fair when there are so many different parents and grandparents involved.

It sounds like your dh died some time ago and the money he left is what you've used to live and isnt just sat in an account somewhere. And perhaps the money was just his half of the house, so not like you got a tonne of cash you'd never expected to have.

Because the inheritance from dh is being used for living expenses, dh's inheritance is a red herring that needs to be forgotten in this particular scenario? It sounds like this is where your head is at. And I can see why!

And all of these supposed inheritances from grandparents may never appear! So all you can do is say how you want your estate to be split. 4 ways sounds fair. The step son getting treated equally is also a lovely way to honour your late dh.

Inheritances are not necessarily a given. No one knows what’s round the corner. People age, people get ill, people have life changing accidents injuries etc. Savings and assets are often used to pay expensive care fees.

Your youngest does benefit slightly more, both financially and from having both parents around to raise her. Could you afford to put something in an ISA or pension pot now for your 1st 3 that is a gesture 'from their dad'? £10k now could be significant by the time they are dealing with losong you. Failing that did your husband have any items of value they could inherit as keepsakes that would be 'from dad' as a small gesture of them getting something extra?

For the rest of your estate an equal 4 way spilt seems the simplest. I think it would be good to explain this to the kids when they're all a bit older so they are aware of the decision and reason.

I think how 'fair' it feels depends a bit on the timing, how old they were when they lost their dad and how much time elapsed before they lose you and how long they spend living with newest sibling and DP.

I don’t really get the obsession with money from someone who passed years earlier following their “bloodline”, but then I don’t get the whole: “they’re my biological children so they’re special”. From the way you describe things OP it sounds like the children were fairly young when you lost your husband. Personally, I think it would be meaningful if his will had a stipulation that each of his children gets X amount on his death and that gets put into savings account so they get to receive it from him at a defined point in time. Even if that amount was £200/child - that carries meaning. The whole set up of the surviving partner inherits all of it and the 20, 30, 40, 50yrs later in their will split needs to account for what amount would’ve passed to the kids from their deceased parent is complete nonsense to me. He didn’t leave it to you to pass it onto kids, he left it to you period, your money to live off. It doesn’t sound like anyone in this scenario is left destitute, doesn’t sound like your DSS is a modern day cinderella living under your stairs. How do you account for all the possible costs? If we’re looking at it like that every time you pay any bills or buy food or buy clothes you should have a ledger that for the older ones takes 100% for DSS from his father’s inheritance (or if you adopted him 50%), and your joint kids 50% each from their share - it’s absolute nonsense.

I have three kids, two mine and the third a foster who stuck who came to me after my husband died. I will be sharing anything I may have equally between the three of them. They know this and it's what they want to happen.

I'd do what I wanted to do with what is mine and take no notice of the opinions of others.

He didn’t create a second family you twit, he died. Read the OP properly.

I think she meant originally with DSS and then us. I assume.

I'm starting to understand why in your situation the 4 way split makes sense.

Your youngest does benefit slightly more, both financially and from having both parents around to raise her. Could you afford to put something in an ISA or pension pot now for your 1st 3 that is a gesture 'from their dad'? £10k now could be significant by the time they are dealing with losong you. Failing that did your husband have any items of value they could inherit as keepsakes that would be 'from dad' as a small gesture of them getting something extra?

I would do something like this. I think the older 3 need something "from their dad". It's a big deal losing your dad when you're young (sorry for stating the obvious when you've actually lived it).

But it's a minefield. Am I right that you've spent on school fees for one kid but not the others? That's also a significant difference.

But in the real world, people don't do that

I think it's valid to think about what DH would have wanted, even if he didn't ensure it happened

It's your money to do with as you wish.
When your husbands assets became yours on his passing they are exactly that ..yours.. You aren't minding them for the children you shared parentage for.

If l die and DH went on to have more children I would want my children and their half siblings to be as close as possible.
To feel a act as equal siblings, as this one mean that they have a closer a family. I wouldn't want anything to drive a wedge between them.

Ive already told DH my wishes if i am to die before him, is if he wants, is to remarry. And do everything he can to create a harmonious home for the children.
My dad's step brother is really important to my Dad and I would want the same.
My stepson is really important to me and his half siblings (my children). If DH dies.first, i tot him that any future husband would have to treat DSS equally, to how he would treat my children.

The OP created a second family, you twit. And now wants to leave assets from her late husband to that new family, rather than just to his kids.

Maybe learn to read? The husband created a second family because he has a son, then went onto have more children with OP and still didn’t protect his assets. So now they can go to a child his wife has had with someone else.

Not difficult to understand.

Yes but for the correct reasons.
different needs.
DSS needs a different setting to the girls

I think 4 ways is fine. The money was left to you, you are raising his young children using his estate to pay for them. It's not unreasonable that you had another child, your late H wouldn't of wanted you to remain by yourself. I also think that you are raising your children together as a unit. It's not like when you have second families and everything goes to the new family.

What don't write wills? Of course they do. My kids are 15yrs and nearly 19yrs, I have had a will for almost all their lives.