AIBU to want my estate divided equally between all four children?

[Imdefonotmaddona]

I have 4 children
DD 1 and DD2 are mine and my late husbands.
DS2 - was biologically husbands and not mine but he is with me full time.
DD3 is mine with my current DP so the only one who hasn’t got the same dad.

on the passing off my husband everything came to me. I have always been financially independent and the house was paid for by both of us.
he had some money and a life insurance policy.

I am updating my paperwork and that Includes My will to include DD3.

I was discussing this with my best friend and she mentioned that I should seperate and not give equal amounts because some of what they will inherit would be technically my late husbands so should take than in to account for DD3.

I was thinking that It’s now my assets / money and that I should share it equally amongst the 4 children.

what would you do ?

I agree @SnappyQuoter

Deceased husbands money should NOT be shared with anyone who is not his child

But you're right. @Imdefonotmaddona isn't going to work it this way. Not sure why she bothered posting 🤣

I haven’t adopted him, he still has a mum and grandparents. He lives me for reasons and he is treated financially and in every other way exactly the same and always has done.

Honestly OP, I think you are being reasonable. You are being very fair and clearly thinking equally about all of your children.
Do they view themselves as a 4 sibling group. Because if they do then I would definitely say split it equally. Yes DD may get extra from your DP, equally she may not depending on his level of wealth at his passing. So the only thing you can do is to split what you have equally.
If you think they think of themselves as a 3 sibling group and a separate "half sib" and you think they may resent the half sib inheriting in some way from their dad, you could split out a slightly different fixed amount eg 5k or 10k to give to those 3 and then split the remainder equally between the 4.

.

Your making assumptions. I’m actually reason all the comments and taking them on board. I’m just explaining that I’m not treating my DSS any differently.

I think that’s fine then. If my husband died I would expect the money he left to also provide for a significant portion of my living expenses to make up for what I’d have had had he still been alive.

Lots of posters referring to “his” money. It’s not “his”, he is deceased and the money/assets belong to you Op. You’re also providing a home and security for his child who isn’t biologically yours, as you say he’s with you full time, so in a sense he’s getting the benefit of what his dad left right now and will still have an equal monetary share in time.

I might think differently if you were talking about non dependent, adult dc but in this case they’re all part of one family and I can see why you would want to treat them all the same.

But financially they're not equal as the youngest will inherit from the older ones dead Dad (🥲🌷) AND her Dad, the older 3 will not inherit from her Dad, so why is she inheriting from their Dad??

You consider all four children as equal, regardless of who their father is, so want to reflect that in your will. That’s a lovely thing to do,

On your passing (which I hope won’t be too soon!), dc 4 may be a bit miffed that he has a smaller share, if you go down this route, unless there’s a big explanation in there that that the money came from dh, and he could inherit from his dad. At least by giving everyone the same, this potential fallout will be averted.

Will he inherit from his mum or grandparents on that side?

I can see why a 4 way split looks easiest when you have so many variables to consider.

I like the idea of a fixed amount from their dad to the 3, say 5k or 10k depending on how much there will be. Then split the rest. Then there's no arguing about getting nothing from their dad.

I mean I don’t know their financial situation as well as I know mine so it would be hard to tell.
I do know that the 3 older children will inherit their dads portion of their grandparents.
which will probably be more than if I ring fenced DP.
I don’t know how I would ring fence it to be honest apart from maybe the house.
as the kids are still young- ish and so financially I’m still financially paying for them and our home etc

When DC4 gets the full share of his father's estate, will the others consider that to be fair?

When the father of the 3 older ones died & left everything to you, had your little one with new partner been born?

You have to take into account that if he died at a point where your family was intact he would never have considered those family assets being split & left to another man's child.

Its very difficult. I would definitely take into account whether youngest with new partner is also going to inherit from her own father.

Having read your updates, OP, I think an equal 4-way split is fine. You cannot make it completely fair but your approach seems as fair as anything.

OP, no I don’t think that it is unfair not to leave anything to your DP so long as he knows about it. Make sure you explain why though in a codicil or covering letter to your will as he could challenge your will after your death under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975 if he was so inclined (people do get funny over money even when they declare otherwise in advance).

People trying to paint you as a callous stepmother have woefully misunderstood (either deliberately or through lack of reading comprehension).

For DS2, the same would apply as for DD3. If you would like all four to receive about the same amount then perhaps factor in any inheritance DS2 would receive from his Mom and any DD3 might receive from her Dad and then deduct that from each of their shares, so that ultimately all four receive about the same amount.

Could you share the initial sum from 1st H by 3, then all your personal wealth by 4 ?

Let me try write this out

so
DD 1 DD2 would inherit
from
me ( including Inheritance I get from my parents )
their paternal grandparents.

DSS would inherit
from me ( including inheritance I get from my parents.
his paternal parents
his maternal grandparents / mum ( although I can’t stipulate how much this would be )

DD3
would inherit from me ( including any from my parents )
and her dad.

Well that drip feed changes things too. I think it was fair to assume as he was living with you, his step mum, after his fathers death that his mum wasn't in the scene.

its complicated. But I think DDs 1 &2 should get a larger share than DS & DD3 as they both have another parent to inherit from, your 2 older DD's do not.

It does depend on what other withheld information there is though.

She wants to leave her husband’s share of their house to a child wholly unconnected with him, who didn’t exist when he failed to estate plan.

That child will inherit from their own dad, the OP and their own grandparents. They don’t need to inherit from the late dad of their half siblings as well.

I’m not sure how I would know the sum. That’s what I’m struggling with.

The difference in this case compared to families that have split up, is that DH is no longer contributing to the cost of raising his children. This is all on OP, including the DS that isn’t biologically hers.

Unless DH was incredibly wealthy then I can’t see there being a lot of his money left by the time they are adults. Especially if OP supports them through Uni, helps with house deposits, weddings etc.

They are all being raised as her children therefore her money should be split equally. The hurt that would result from DD1 &2 getting more money than DS & DD3 could cause a break in the sibling’s relationship right when they need each other most.

Why?

He left his money to his wife. The wife that is raising the child that is not biologically hers.

The OPs decision to split it 4 ways is sensible.

It's just money. Some people get way too hung up on it.

I think in this situation I would split it equally between all four of them, even if DD3 potentially inherits more from her DF. Presumably DS might inherit from his mother as well. You will have been equal with your money. What happens if your DP dies first, is he leaving everything to you or to his DD or a split?

I think in this situation I would split it equally between all four of them, even if DD3 potentially inherits more from her DF. Presumably DS might inherit from his mother as well. You will have been equal with your money. What happens if your DP dies first, is he leaving everything to you or to his DD or a split?