I think I’ve finally broken, so sad and so alone

[Sosaddj]

I feel like this weekend has finally broken me.

All my life the main thing I wanted was to have a family and a husband. I loved progressing my career and did well in it. Along the way I had relationships but nothing worked out for one reason or another. Sometimes it was me, other times it was just a shocker of a man that seemed nice at first.

I have a lovely amazing 5 year old and I’m a single parent and my 40th is next year.

Ex left me when Dd was 2. He sees her now and then. We weren’t married and thanks to my previous career we’ve been ok financially. I don’t know how I managed to carry on when he left but I did and things have settled now.

I feel so unbearably sad. Weekends spent alone while I see so many families around. Even seeing my siblings I am a second option, they leave when they need to (which I get) but it just highlights that it’s just me… I have nobody to rely on, nobody to take care of me.

For a long time I felt strong about this. I felt lucky I no longer needed to deal with a man’s crap again. I really enjoyed evenings to myself and making all the decisions.

I don’t feel like that anymore. I feel totally alone. My re mortgage is coming up again and that’s all on me. If I forgot something in the weekly shop nobody is nipping out to get it in the evening. I can’t collect a pizza as I can’t leave DD. I worry about money even though i have enough as I’m on my own. I don’t want to go on the big family holiday this year as they’re all sharing a place and it costs me proportionately more for one adult to travel rather than two.

I am just so sad. I am not perfect (far from it) but I don’t think I’m much different to the next person and yet most people have found someone by now. I’m exhausted and even if I was to meet someone I know I probably wouldn’t be their first choice to spend time with as I’m so stressed essentially being a lone parent most of the time.

I don’t know why I’m posting. I just suddenly cracked this weekend and it’s like I’ve realised I still do have this wound and craving to spend my life with someone.

I’m sorry OP - I hear you and I understand. I still have moments where I cry now 5 years post divorce with 3 very young children. And that’s ok. Yes I count my blessings and all that because my life certainly isn’t as bad as some have it but that doesn’t mean we can’t grieve and cry and have a few moments where we lament our lot. Being a lone parent is crap a lot of the time. I’m surrounded by married couples/families - the whole 1/4 marriages ending in divorce doesn’t exist in my area/ friendship group / school mum group - I’d say it’s more like 1/15 (given there is only one other parent in my eldests entire class who is also divorced/separated) and that compounds the loneliness. Be kind to yourself and take it a day at a time x

I met my husband at 38 when I was at my lowest about being a single parent of two and had the worst relationship history, similar to what you describe.

It was love at first sight and we've been married 13 years so far.

I won't say it's easy! Far from it, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am grateful I got to be married and with that came a stable life. My husband is amazing at dealing with every day matters and decisions. It's a godsend.

It can happen, don't give up, even when you are at your lowest.

This is a tone-deaf and smug post. Of course there are decent men out there; I celebrated my silver wedding last year. But let’s not deny that there are also plenty of awful men and it is pretty damn hard to find them, esp as you get older. Read the room perhaps. This celebration of your relationship was not needed here.

And there's the real you. You've had your tone deafness repeatedly pointed out but you double down with rudeness. Posting condescending nonsense to strangers and lacking in self reflection - Definitely not something I'd ever accept in a partner. If that makes me difficult to partner, then so be it but what's the point in changing criteria to get someone only but having to spend your life with someone with those qualities. No.

Thank you. I am one of the lucky ones as I do have family nearby (although my mum was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and obviously wouldn't be able to have my child long term) Its a constant worry!

Why don’t you read her post again. She literally says she is very tired of being alone, it makes her sad, she would like a family. Why have you decided she has to be happy being single! Most people need companionship.

Op, many of these happy family scenarios you see are just an illusion. People having affairs, abuse, many are controlling, loads of people endure mindless squabbles and resentment.

Many would love to be like you, financially independent and not having the crap of other people to put up with.

Just cherish your dd, you will support each other as she grows up.

So yes, it's fine to have a quick wallow but just focus on your independence amd your dd, take a deep breath and carry on. Good luck .

hey Sosaddj
Hope you are feeling a bit better today.
weekends are tough. Sending you a virtual hug and a ‘hey, it’ll be ok’ ♥️

dolores x

Same! hey OP- I hope you are feeling a bit better today. Just checking in and thinking of you.

I really hope you feel a little bit more positive today x

How are you doing today op? Weather has broken here and it's tipping it down. Hope you're in a better place 💐

Checking in to say - I was you at 40! Then life changed dramatically and I met my love by doing my version of the burnt haystack method. I know how lonely it feels but if you want it to change and you'd like a lovely partner, why shouldn't it change? Fwiw I think you sound great and a wonderful assert to any partnership and a great mum. Maybe now your dd is getting a bit older it's time to focus on your well being, looking good, exercise and doing some gentle dating here and there. I know it's hard but if you've got this far with your career and motherhood it's time to focus on you and what you need. All the best 💐

I saw a good analogy the other day

Some trees loose all their leaves in winter
The tree does not die, it still stands tall
Waiting
Waiting for the right time to regrow in warmer weather with new growth

I think that you need some time to heal, hugge, to think, breathe, conserve your energy