AIBU to think my SIL was rude about my clothes?

[UninterestedInFashion]

Over the half term week we saw dh family a few times. A kids birthday party, family bbq and couple of outings to the park and pub.

I admit I’m not very fashionable , don’t really follow it and wear what I like and what suits me. For context this is what I wore each time Kids party : black 3/4 length leggings and striped vest top and converse
family bbq hibiscus pattern dress and sandals
park denim shorts and a vest top and sandals
pub same hibiscus dress (it’s very old I’ve had it years but I love it)

The first time SIL said ‘oh here’s Y2K girl’ and laughed at the dress. The second time I wore it she quietly said to me ‘a spotty dress would suit you better - polka dots are in right now’

When I wore the denim shorts she said ‘you’re brave ! They are very short ! How many years have you had those!’

When I wore the 3/4 leggings she again took me aside and said ‘let’s go shopping one day - you need some wide leg linen trousers not these leggings ! I’m surprised they even still sell them or are they vintage again ‘ and laughed?

I said to her no thanks I’m comfortable and it’s hot so I’m wearing what I like and what keeps me cool. She said ‘come on sometimes we all need a bit of a refresh!’

AIBU to think she was really rude ??? I didn’t feel hurt but just irritated.

I don’t agree with other posters at all that she’s “jealous”.

I think she’s trying to tell you in a less direct way that your outfits are looking dated and/or unflattering.

To be fair, everything you mentioned sounds like it’s rather 2008. Why not indulge her and have a girly day out shopping? You said she always looks nice - maybe you might be shown some things you like that you wouldn’t have considered before.

I dont think she's jealous she's just bloody rude and no way would I go shopping with her.

The issue is your lack of comprehension.

People think things about each other, and say things to each other, and not everyone is the same as you.

SIL obviously feels that she knows OP well enough that she can drop hints that what she’s wearing is dated and unflattering.

It’s an awkward thing to bring up, and perhaps her delivery could be seen as rude, but it’s the same thing as having to let someone know that they smell. Like, I don’t know how I would say that either.

OP has acknowledged SIL actually dresses well and looks put together - I don’t think getting her opinion on some new clothes would be a bad thing.

To my mind, this is a sane well balanced response.

There are heaps of knee jerk touchy responses on this thread that afaics, are chip on the shoulder snarls with zero cognitive reasoning.

I don’t know. I think she sounds insecure and is trying to make you feel bad about yourself because she feels bad about herself in a way. I mean, who does this?

Given OP thinks the SIL looks nice, I bet she’s complimented her on her outfits in more than on occasion and so SIL feel it is ok to provide feedback in return.

Lots of women here post about feeling like they've lost their sense of style, they feel frumpy, they don't feel like they know what suits them anymore etc. She may just be genuinely trying to offer you help in case you fall into that category.

Well maybe they should keep their mouth shut unless they are asked.

You know what they say about unsolicited advice...

It's completely different as they are asking for help.

And if the OP had asked her, that would be a completely appropriate response!

Maybe SIL is an open minded kind person and doesn't anticipate Doberman Guard Dogs Activating if she attempts to offer girlie input to the habitual hibiscus relative.

But if she were ‘open-minded and kind’, and of average intelligence, she would surely recognise that unsought advice is insulting and extremely rude.

She should keep quiet because its none of her business. Would you appreciate this kind of input? However perfect you think your style is there will be someone who doesn't like it.

OP, why don’t you try and find some new clothes?

But she hasn’t she’s quite happy as she is, and the op didn’t ask, plus there are nicer ways to do it.

Why should she if she's happy as she is?

Wearing items that old will look dated

I agree it's not jealousy, I never understand why people jump to that any time someone is nasty.

SIL is being nasty though. It's not comparable to women on here asking for help, the OP didn't ask. Nor is it (as someone said) comparable to telling someone they smell! Smell affects other people, clothes do not (unless the clothes are actually indecent).

I would just keep repeating that I'm not interested in following fashions and really don't care what's "in" right now.

Yes of course, but she’s happy with that.

If she’s open minded and kind , the world is a mirror and she doesn't anticipate hostile judgements.

So?

She was very rude.

Quite a few people can be, and they really seem to believe that what they think about other people's clothes justifies that rudeness, as if their feelings about whether or not something is fashionable are in any way important to anyone other than them.

...and people should care about that why?