AIBU to think my SIL was rude about my clothes?

[UninterestedInFashion]

Over the half term week we saw dh family a few times. A kids birthday party, family bbq and couple of outings to the park and pub.

I admit I’m not very fashionable , don’t really follow it and wear what I like and what suits me. For context this is what I wore each time Kids party : black 3/4 length leggings and striped vest top and converse
family bbq hibiscus pattern dress and sandals
park denim shorts and a vest top and sandals
pub same hibiscus dress (it’s very old I’ve had it years but I love it)

The first time SIL said ‘oh here’s Y2K girl’ and laughed at the dress. The second time I wore it she quietly said to me ‘a spotty dress would suit you better - polka dots are in right now’

When I wore the denim shorts she said ‘you’re brave ! They are very short ! How many years have you had those!’

When I wore the 3/4 leggings she again took me aside and said ‘let’s go shopping one day - you need some wide leg linen trousers not these leggings ! I’m surprised they even still sell them or are they vintage again ‘ and laughed?

I said to her no thanks I’m comfortable and it’s hot so I’m wearing what I like and what keeps me cool. She said ‘come on sometimes we all need a bit of a refresh!’

AIBU to think she was really rude ??? I didn’t feel hurt but just irritated.

Given that social skills are extremely important and following fashion is not important in the slightest, it would be much kinder to spruce up SIL’s manners by pointing out to her what a rude, insufferable pain in the arse she’s being.

So, what does your brother see in her? Or is he the same?

I’d be tempted to wear something that she’d particularly dislike next time or Polka dots as she recommended, but on a garment she would hate eg leggings/hot pants.

It reminds me of a coworker I used to have. She looked at my dress and said, “That’s a good color for you.” I said, “Thanks.” She replied, “ I used to really like that style dress when it was in.”

How incredibly rude of her -is she a fashion model or designer? What gives her the right to tell you what to wear?! I'd thank her for her opinions but ask her to keep them to herself!

Well yes. That’s why my original post said it’s not ok to go about it in the way she did

she was rude. Why didn’t you tell her?

oi SIL, dont be so rude and mind your own business

What a CF! Next time she says something like that I would say “why do think it’s acceptable to criticise what I wear? If you do it to other people I’m surprised you have any friends left!”

Could anyone have asked her to speak to you about this? Partner for example? Seems odd if suddenly saying this out of the blue.

It doesn’t sound like she is saying anything from a bad place. She probably feels close enough to you, to speak like this.

It doesn’t sound like anything me and my sisters wouldn’t say to each other. All 3 of us have very different styles.

Can you not just speak to her, like an adult, and tell her that you really aren’t bothered about changing your style and you find her comments hurtful.

Just as a side note, polka dots are always in. It’s nothing new.

This.

When I was in my early 20s in the 1970s I left a job and one of my co-workers, an older woman, said she would miss me because it was always interesting to see what I'd turned up wearing. I always had an independent style so I decided to take it as a complement. I'm in my 70s now and I have loads of clothes - some of them are old and most of them I've made myself. I am sometimes influenced by what I see around me but am not a slave to fashion. Style and fashion are two different things in my opinion.

I have a friend (I use the term loosely) who would constantly comment on my outfits. She’d always laugh and say I’d NEVER wear that it looks alright on you though! I would just reply that the world would be a very boring place if we all wore the same clothes! I also once heard her tell a work colleague that she liked her trousers and then as soon as she’d walked away she said “they’re the ugliest f-ing trousers I’ve ever seen what’s she thinking?!” I pulled her up on it and asked why she even commented on them let alone told her she liked them when she clearly didn’t?! I think she just likes to make other people laugh 🤷‍♀️
My response to her now is that I can’t stand fast fashion and places like SHEIN and Temu who just mass produce bad quality stuff that doesn’t last. I prefer to buy second hand, wear what I already have and make my own clothing as I took up sewing a few years ago. It’s cheaper and will last longer than the stuff being churned out by sweat shops in China.”, not to mention the ethical side of it

She’s a delight, isn’t she?

All these people calling SIL names and that she's rude - it may not have been what you want to hear but the fact she didn't say these things in front of everyone and suggested a shopping trip together I think means she meant well - maybe next time you see her, take her to one side and thank her for her offer but explain you are happy as you are.
If after that she still continues, then yes she's being a bit of a b*tch but I've had in-laws say far worst things to me, so, unless you're feeling your look is perhaps dated and just needing validation that it's not, I wouldn't worry too much. My husband gets me tops for birthdays, etc, and often my first thought is 'that's not my style/I'd not pick that' but wear them to not be rude and then I find, actually, it works well - just gets me to step out of my comfort zone and try new things. He certainly doesn't do it with malice or because he thinks I don't look good or wants to control what I wear (before people start on that) - he simply sees something he thinks would look nice on me, and 9 times out of 10 he's right! I tell people he's my personal stylist - my problem is I can't picture myself in clothes/outfits without trying them on first - and most of the time I can't be bothered with that kind of fuss - so these 'surprise' outfits allow me to vary my wardrobe without the hassle. Maybe SIL is just trying to encourage a bit of diversity.. and those saying flared linen trousers are awful - I did too, until I tried a pair and then actually found them quite flattering, cooler in the heat and a bit smarter than my usual leggings.. The SIL could've been much ruder if she was so minded.

Always best to ignore anyone who’s pathetically obsessed with what’s currently ‘fashionable’. Retailers absolutely love such people though - however hideous/unflattering anything is, such people will buy it if they think it’s ‘the latest’.

Oh dear, I have to admit that I once made the mistake of giving unsolicited advice to a work colleague. I was genuinely trying to help her wear more appropriate clothing for her size and shape. She was absolutely furious that I had commented and it taught me a lesson that not everyone cares what they look like. I was brought up to “make the best of myself “, and how I look is important to me. I take a lot of pleasure in putting an outfit together and I am very pleased when I receive compliments. It gives me a boost of confidence. It’s honestly difficult for me to understand that not everyone feels the way I do, but at least I have learned to bite my tongue.

It sounds like SIL is a fashion victim.

Yes. Ignore. Her. Or perhaps you could give her tips on how ‘in’ retro is these days.

Time to tell her to mind her own business and not everyone wants to wear wide linen trousers

Is everything in her wardrobe neutral by any chance?

a cotton hibiscus dress sounds nice to me.

anyhow, if you’re usually getting along I’d probably give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she simply wants to bond and thought that you’d go shopping together?

next time she does it you could politely tell her that you find the comments upsetting.

SIL wants to take you on as a project. Tell her what you wear is not her concern or anyone else’s. Maybe tell her you’re happy that she’s happy with what she wears!

She’s rude. Maybe you should be a bit rude back?

I would tend to make a comment about her clothes "oh that's really in at the moment,but are you sure it suits you?"
Naughty l know, but if they dish it out they have to be able to take it.

Does he laugh at your clothes too like op's sil?