AIBU to feel upset that DH says nursery does not matter?

[Hatty123]

So… is it fair to be a bit upset with DH… he says I am overreacting in speaking with him about it and feeling disappointed and a bit upset.
Our little boy has recently heard that he has a place at a local nursery for Sept - I’m So thrilled for him! He is so ready and will just love it. I did all the research re nurseries, did the online application and made the phone calls to see where he was on the waiting list etc.
We heard about the upcoming parent / child day to meet the teacher and the other kids/parents. I think it’ll be lovely to see the setting, speak with the teacher and get a sense of the place properly. Also it will be super for our little boy to see where he will be going. He is excited and already telling me about how he is going to make new friends!
I told hubby the date for this and unfortunately he is on a work away day and won’t be able to make it. I suggested that maybe I could ask the teacher if he could make an appointment to meet her for 15 mins and see the nursery. He just shrugged and said “Well I guess if she’s happy to I could do that.”

I guess / hope that part of his not being fussed about finding out more or actually seeing the nursery could be that he trusts me judgement. That is lovely of course. I’d just like him to be involved in the process in even some small way and to Want to be. It’s our 3rd child and this is a different nursery to where the bigger 2 kids went. Maybe he has fatigue but he definitely was more invested with the older 2 and went to the nursery ahead of them going etc to see it and meet the teachers.

I said “Are you not interested to see where X will be going every day Mon-Fri in Sept?”
He said pretty curtly, “ It’s not important. It’s only one year!”
It really disappointed me. I told him that I can’t make him care but I am disappointed. Our child will be there Monday-Friday for 40 weeks of his young life. He is excited and I for one am on board to get excited with him for this new adventure. DH says he cares and I am being unfair. No apology.

I explained how him saying that it “doesn’t matter” also minimises all the time and thought I put into getting the application in etc, like I needn’t have bothered. No apology, just silence after briefly trying to turn it around on me and getting a bit angry with me for being “really unfair”. That made me feel a little bit gaslit tbh. I don’t know. He seems determined to maintain that he is being very unfairly treated and I have no right to be disappointed.

I’ll be the one dropping him off every day, it’s a bit out of my way in the mornings on days I am working but I just think he’ll get so much learning and social benefit from it. Is it “just one year” and “not matter”? Or Am I being unreasonable?

OP I’ve read all your posts and while I emphasise with you a bit - kindly, I have found them exhausting to read and I’m not even in the same room as you.

From your first post I thought you were talking about your PFB - but this is your third child. Equally important and actually it’s nice that you’re not so jaded by parenthood that you couldn’t care less about no 3. You seem like a really invested caring mum. But you’ve gone through this a couple of times, as others have said it’s just nursery, most kids go.

I have a similar educational background to you and I’m similarly obsessed with my DC but I work FT in a senior job so I genuinely don’t have the time to overthink in this way. Your DH is senior, busy, lots of responsibility and just can’t give it the headspace you can. I think you do need to accept that and let this one go.

That said, there may be a dynamic in your relationship that you may want to gently explore outside of this thread. And consider using your talents and energies to build your career further now that your DC3 is going to nursery.