To think actually some of it is about choices?

[Shdk136]

I’ve always tended to stand by the fact that everyone’s circumstances are different and you never know the entire picture so you shouldn’t judge. Especially where parenting is concerned.

However, something I can’t shake is how people actively choose not to expose their children to cultural experiences in favour of, well, crap.

Perhaps I am being a judgemental wanker and I’m prepared to accept that if that’s the consensus. But recently someone I knew from
a baby class years ago, her DD now 5, was invited to the theatre by a mutual friend and her mum declined it. They were free tickets as some people couldn’t make it. I later had a play date with this mum and she was telling me it was between petrol to get there (an hour drive) or compromising on her DD’s essentials tracksuit for an upcoming holiday. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

The thing is her DD is slightly behind in school (our dds don’t go to the same school so this is just what she tells me). I can’t help thinking that ok, she may simply not be as bright as the next child but surely this has something to do with what you choose to expose your child to? Do you think it makes a difference?

I know this is judgemental. My friend is lovely (otherwise I wouldn’t be friends with her!) but AIBU to think these sorts of choices go some way to shaping your child?

Honestly my son at 5 would have hated this and I wouldn't have driven him over. Nothing to do not being cultured, just not something we would have spent the afternoon doing.

What, now?

They're secondary age now so reading a wide range of genres and materials but they all read every day and we still visit the library once a week ish. Usually a Weds as it ties in with another activity. Why?

I was thinking back to when they were 5. We read with them every day and exposed them to loads of cultural stuff. But going to theatres and puppet shows and museum workshops doesn't override learning issues like hearing impairment, auditory and visual processing disorders and speech problems. Nor does it even out the developmental differences for summer borns in Reception. It is just not possible to link theatre going to academic achievements at FIVE.

The OP specifically criticises a parent for not taking up an offer of a theatre experience for their five year old. The parent justifies turning down the offer on the basis that the fuel costs and time getting their would mean they couldn't also afford items of clothing they intended to buy for an upcoming holiday. The OP believes that the parent is wrong to prioritise the clothing over the fuel and time.

It could very well be that the mother had a million reasons for turning down the offered ticket and just said whatever came into her head as a plausible excuse. It is the OP who has extrapolated this justification to the 6th degree.

I personally wouldn't buy branded clothing for my small child. I personally did take my 5 yr olds to the theatre.

Doesn't mean I think the OP is drawing the right conclusions in this instance or that I agree that this particular child would no longer be academically behind if only they went to the theatre.

I value cultural experiences and I also know that kids who have these cultural experiences tend to do better at school. But not everyone sees this. You can see from the replies on the thread that not everyone prioritises this.

So no I wouldn’t judge it. She obviously has a tight budget and in her mind an expensive tracksuit shows her love more. It’s just a difference in how people are brought up.

@WilfredsPies i think you have quoted me instead of the poster

No, I’m sorry, I know you aren’t claiming to have enjoyed Chaucer at such a young age 🙂

I quoted you for the first comment, then @KTheGrey for the Chaucer comment but my iPad obviously glitched and her name vanished, so it looks like I’m replying to you for that as well. Not my intention at all, apologies.

So what was the play?

She had already planned on buying the tracksuit, the theatre wasn’t an overwhelming enough reason to completely change her plans. She probably didn’t want to go/do the drive/give up an afternoon to go. She probably does have different priorities but it’s not exactly along the lines of whether you would rescue an injured kitten in the road or not

Ive not ever heard of essentials tracksuits but spending hundreds on a tracksuit is ridiculous.

I agree that enrichment activities for children are a good thing. My DC were taken to museums, archeological sites, plays, classical concerts, ballet, opera etc etc

But we can only make choices for our own children.

It’s not up to you how other people raise their children.

And you are being extremely unkind about your “friend” and her child in public. I hope that you aren’t teaching that behaviour to your child.

You’re a judgemental snob.
People can do whatever pleases them with their hard earned money.

Access and appreciation of culture is very much class based.

You’re being judgemental. A trip to the theatre wouldn’t prevent a learning disorder, you’ve no idea why her DD is behind in school.

Yes it absolutely is, but some people on Mumsnet defend every crap choice anyone makes as ‘they are doing their best’ (which just isn’t true, not everyone is doing their best at all!)

At least now I know where Cruz and Romeo Beckham buy a lot of their shit clothes from.

What was the play? Maybe she didn't feel her DD would sit still/enjoy it?
Perhaps the tracksuit has better long term value. Going to watch the play (which maybe her child wouldn't enjoy) would cost her money in petrol and had potential for waste (child wanting to leave). A tracksuit can be worn multiple times so maybe has greater value.

Also it seems ridiculous to be talking about a 5 year old being 'slightly behind' at school. This could be due to multiple reasons.

I wouldn't drive an hour to the theatre, for myself or the kids. The theatre is also not the be all and end all of cultural experiences.

Don’t get this at all. The child was five and would have grown out of the tracksuit within a year!

I took my DC to the theatre to kids shows from around 3 years old, they’re teens now and we go a couple of times a year and we all get a lot out of it.

I don’t even know what an essentials tracksuit is so OP I think you should have said in your post that it costs hundreds. Yes I would judge that as a poor decision definitely.

Also some of the replies on this thread just shows the decline of this country and the race to the bottom. People not wanting to travel an hour to the theatre. Well, you do you. Many of us travel an hour each way to work every day!

@WilfredsPies
It was played as farce - lots of running about and kissing arses hung out of windows and all that. I remember the whole set as being skeleton buildings with actors setting up levels with ladders.

What was said was pretty unimportant and it was a big night out with ice cream at the interval. Eyes on stalks, obviously.

PS - same is true of Shakespeare with little kids though. They love a bit of man with a donkey’s head and fighting dancing fairies.

I think this is the point the OPs making but people are getting hung up on the detail of it being theatre.

I know of a number of families that will take their children abroad to an all inclusive resort each year (not knocking them, I enjoy them) but say they haven’t got money for their children to attend brownies/scouts, play football, go on a school trip etc. It’s choices and as much as I love a holiday, the day to day experiences for my children are more important to me than one holiday a year.

There is also a real trend for children to have branded clothes, brand new trainers but be the same children who don’t get to go on any days out, visit the nearest city, go to a library, go swimming or other relatively cheap activities. I can’t understand why young children are being bought expensive trainers instead of learning to swim.

Do we know what was on at the theatre yet?

DD did have a Ralph Lauren tracksuit at 3!! £3.50 in a charity shop.

Had the mum already promised the tracksuit to her five year old? If so, a good parent wouldn’t prioritise a last minute theatre trip if it meant not being able to fulfil her promise to her daughter.