To think actually some of it is about choices?

[Shdk136]

I’ve always tended to stand by the fact that everyone’s circumstances are different and you never know the entire picture so you shouldn’t judge. Especially where parenting is concerned.

However, something I can’t shake is how people actively choose not to expose their children to cultural experiences in favour of, well, crap.

Perhaps I am being a judgemental wanker and I’m prepared to accept that if that’s the consensus. But recently someone I knew from
a baby class years ago, her DD now 5, was invited to the theatre by a mutual friend and her mum declined it. They were free tickets as some people couldn’t make it. I later had a play date with this mum and she was telling me it was between petrol to get there (an hour drive) or compromising on her DD’s essentials tracksuit for an upcoming holiday. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

The thing is her DD is slightly behind in school (our dds don’t go to the same school so this is just what she tells me). I can’t help thinking that ok, she may simply not be as bright as the next child but surely this has something to do with what you choose to expose your child to? Do you think it makes a difference?

I know this is judgemental. My friend is lovely (otherwise I wouldn’t be friends with her!) but AIBU to think these sorts of choices go some way to shaping your child?

You started off by saying you shouldn’t judge, then you judged, then ended by admitting you’re being judgy.

The kid is 5.

Plenty of time for cultural experiences.

I think you've got a point. Presuming that the child has enough clothes then a theatre trip would have been much more worthwhile than a tracksuit.

But I guess everyone is entitled to their own priorities.

@SandwichSuperstar i think that’s what I’m saying though, at 5 I think it is important to make choices for cultural experiences to be a priority, won’t that set the path as she grows up?

Not being able to afford petrol isn’t a choice is it?

I don’t really understand what an essentials tracksuit is. I came from a family with culture up the wazoo but my mum made my clothes.

Children that age need values, not "cultural" experiences. And i worry the sort of experiences are just crap anyway

Money is clearly tight for her and maybe she had promised her DD the tracksuit?

@KTheGrey essentials tracksuits cost hundreds

@HogletPatricia the tracksuits is in the hundreds

@numbers23113 good point, cultural experiences support that though?

No. Oh I have just shifted massively then. Expensive tracksuits are a poor use of money for kids imo where the experience of theatre would be both fun and sociable as well as cultural. Agree, missed opportunity.

I get what you are saying - enrichment experiences and activities can add so
much to complement a school education and broaden a child’s world - but some parents don’t understand this or care, may have financial constraints, etc. Some will be coming on here to say they are disabled, have SEN DC so can’t take advantage of these opportunities etc but i doubt they are in the majority for turning down opportunities.

What was the play?

Yabvu

One missed play doesnt stop genius

The cost of the petrol plus the journey was, in that moment, weighed up against seeing one play. I'd probably choose the tracksuit for the holiday and the evening in!

Edit - i am a firm believer of enrichment and taking your kids out, believe me, my money goes on dd's. But I just think you cant judge a woman for choosing peace over going out, one time

I don’t think theatre at 5 is an important cultural experience tbh. Maybe at 15 I’d expect parents to push theatre over fancy clothes but not at 5. Nobody I know who goes to theatre regularly started before the age of 12ish. I’d also think a theatre would be one evening but an outfit would last way longer. Different at 15 when the memory of the experience would last for way longer.

They were going on holiday. That's an experience 🤷

So essentials is a brand?

Crumbs just Googled the tracksuits and have never seen such fugliness in all my life. Shudder making beige.

I remember being taken to The Canterbury Tales at the theatre and seeing the Acropolis at about that age. Enjoyed both, as it goes.

In what way is the theatre a cultural experience for a 5 year old? Who the hell wants to pay good money to go to the theatre and sit next to a 5 year old? You sound like on me of the most horrific snobs I’ve ever read on mumsnet.

I couldn’t stand theatre as a kid when we went on school trips. Still can’t. I have adhd which explains a lot because I’d remember nothing and not be able to do the follow on work. Also a 5 year old and the theatre isn’t a good combo.

I can assure you my brother and I were very well behaved at the theatre and the ballet also. Or we would not have been taken again.

I can count on my hands the number of times I've been to the theatre in almost half a century. It's not that I don't value it as such but it was not affordable growing up except maybe the Christmas panto as a rare treat and it's not affordable now on a regular basis. That said, I also don't spend hundreds on clothes so at least I'm consistent. We'd probably go more if we had the money to do so. But some children are deprived of experiences to an extent that would not be believed in the MN middle class world. DS's school did a session on what to expect at a swimming pool before yr 4 swimming because a significant number of pupils had never seen one. Same with the trips to the local ish beach and country park, quite a few of the class had never heard of these places let alone been there.

@Zebrah if you keep scrolling I think you’ll find plenty more snobby than this!

You are sort of proving my point though. It’s not snobby to want your child to be exposed to cultural experiences.

DD didn’t go to the theatre (other than pantos) until she was in secondary school. She was still top of the class in primary and got greater depth in SATS. She never had one of those tracksuits either though, maybe that’s why. 😬

I’d rather take my 5 year old child on holiday and get them some lovely clobber for it than a trip to the theatre.

Thats a personal preference though and I don’t think either choice would correlate to good performance at school.