To think actually some of it is about choices?

[Shdk136]

I’ve always tended to stand by the fact that everyone’s circumstances are different and you never know the entire picture so you shouldn’t judge. Especially where parenting is concerned.

However, something I can’t shake is how people actively choose not to expose their children to cultural experiences in favour of, well, crap.

Perhaps I am being a judgemental wanker and I’m prepared to accept that if that’s the consensus. But recently someone I knew from
a baby class years ago, her DD now 5, was invited to the theatre by a mutual friend and her mum declined it. They were free tickets as some people couldn’t make it. I later had a play date with this mum and she was telling me it was between petrol to get there (an hour drive) or compromising on her DD’s essentials tracksuit for an upcoming holiday. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

The thing is her DD is slightly behind in school (our dds don’t go to the same school so this is just what she tells me). I can’t help thinking that ok, she may simply not be as bright as the next child but surely this has something to do with what you choose to expose your child to? Do you think it makes a difference?

I know this is judgemental. My friend is lovely (otherwise I wouldn’t be friends with her!) but AIBU to think these sorts of choices go some way to shaping your child?

Are you sure the tracksuit is Essentials the brand and not (for example) Asda essentials?

DD started at 12. It happened. It’s still happening. Not terribly often, but it is.

Cultural capital doesn't equal or lead to being 'less behind' ins school through.

My kids have been to tons of museums, including some of the world's great art museums. They are exposed to books, music, travel, live music - not so much theater as it's expensive and harder to get to. A lot of their friends have not had the same opportunities, but my kids aren't smarter than them as a result. It doesn't work like that, which is a really good thing

@JLou08 have you actually read my OP?

You’re calling a 5yr old not so
bright? have a word with yourself, you sound insufferable.

@Miffsmumandslave yes the brand

Arh, so 'Essentials' is actually a proper noun, which, when treated as such, changes the meaning completely from what you've typed. Perhaps you could have done with a few more cultural trips out yourselves, OP! 😂

I wouldn't ever spend hundreds of pounds on a tracksuit for a child and definitely wouldn't prioritise that over a theatre trip, however I don't know that you can trust a fellow five year old's appraisal of her child's educational progress!

@HortiGal her mum has expressed this as I said in my OP

Everyone spends their money on different things. She probably feels sorry for you wasting your money on theatre tickets instead of holidays and nice clothes.

@StretchingShantyJugg that’s fair… I have caused some confusion by the grammar fail

Look, if in a few years the kid still hasn’t done anything that can be construed as “cultural capital” (theatre or not) , then you can judge fret.

Look, if in a few years the kid still hasn’t done anything that can be construed as “cultural capital” (theatre or not) , then you can judge fret.

Is this a wind up post? Because what has a 5 year old’s exposure to the theatre got to do with their ability to decode phonics, form letters and do maths?

Maybe the tracksuit thing was an excuse. An hour’s drive (each way?) would put me off too if it wasn’t for something that interested me.
Or maybe she doesn’t really like the Mum who invited her. Or maybe she couldn’t envisage her 5 year old sitting still for what would amount to about 4 hours on a warm sunny day when they could be doing something more active outdoors. Or they had something else planned but didn’t want to say. What play was it anyway that would appeal to a 5 year old?

Look, if in a few years the kid still hasn’t done anything that can be construed as “cultural capital” (theatre or not) , then you can judge fret.

I kinda agree with this! What has benefited my kids the most, and what they've enjoyed the most, is the trips up mountains, learning to paddle board independently, going camping, climbing, mountain biking, foraging, identifying mushrooms and berries, wild swimming etc. etc. Where we live this is our 'cultural capital' and it's hugely beneficial.

I grew up going to museums and plays and art galleries from a young age and I've tried to offer my kids some of that, but they would rather be in a wetsuit or in a climbing harness. Neither type of activity will make them brighter, but both add value.

Don't get too caught up on theater, is I guess what I'm trying to say @Shdk136

Quite a leap there from 5 to 14.

Other ages are available 🤣

Agree.

My dc are very lucky and have a stereotypical middle class upbringing full of library trips, museum visits, bedtime stories, theatres, galleries, concerts etc.

DC2 is summer born and finished Reception still on CVC words.
DC 3 was still wayyyyy behind his cohort all of KS1, really struggled to read at all, had concentration issues and speech delay. Covid massively disadvantaged him and only once he could be properly assessed and supported did he make progress.

Their theatre trips did not equate to academic progress at all!!

I’m sure you understood my point perfectly well
What a comedian 😂😂👏🏻👏🏻

When did we start with the competitive? No no mines thicker than yours, no really they really are thick despite all of the cultural exposure they’ve had

0-5 are incredibly important years, especially for learning to read. You are absolutely spot on OP, even if others don't want to hear it.

How often do they visit the library, and how many books do they read? How many books a week do they read?

Maybe she just didn’t want to drive an hour? That’s quite a lot for some people. I have only been to the theatre a handful of times in my life (I’m guessing our annual panto doesn’t count). Would you say that makes me uncultured and somehow lacking in life? This is a really judgey and pretentious outlook.

Your annual panto definitely does count.

You saw The Canterbury Tales and went to the Acropolis at 5, and remember both?

So I thought from your post that money was tight for this friend as she was complaining about the cost of petrol, and needing to buy a supermarket own brand essential tracksuit for her child.
but I’ve since googled essentials tracksuits and holy horrific beige expensiveness.