To think actually some of it is about choices?

[Shdk136]

I’ve always tended to stand by the fact that everyone’s circumstances are different and you never know the entire picture so you shouldn’t judge. Especially where parenting is concerned.

However, something I can’t shake is how people actively choose not to expose their children to cultural experiences in favour of, well, crap.

Perhaps I am being a judgemental wanker and I’m prepared to accept that if that’s the consensus. But recently someone I knew from
a baby class years ago, her DD now 5, was invited to the theatre by a mutual friend and her mum declined it. They were free tickets as some people couldn’t make it. I later had a play date with this mum and she was telling me it was between petrol to get there (an hour drive) or compromising on her DD’s essentials tracksuit for an upcoming holiday. I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

The thing is her DD is slightly behind in school (our dds don’t go to the same school so this is just what she tells me). I can’t help thinking that ok, she may simply not be as bright as the next child but surely this has something to do with what you choose to expose your child to? Do you think it makes a difference?

I know this is judgemental. My friend is lovely (otherwise I wouldn’t be friends with her!) but AIBU to think these sorts of choices go some way to shaping your child?

I really value cultural experiences and both of mine had been to the theatre several times before they were 5. I'm not sure I'd have driven them an hour each way for it at that age, though.

I'm in my 50s, a fairly successful, well educated and rounded individual and I'd still spend my money on holidays and clothes ahead of the theatre. Largely because the theatre is mostly shit and I've long stopped persisting with things I don't enjoy because 'culture'.

MN is so judgy 😂😂😂 OP, just wind your neck in. Yes, you’re cultured and wonderful, and setting up your children for greatness and Oxbridge and being the PM one day and the rest of it. And you’re judging other parents who aren’t. Well done you!

Was it a specific children’s show?

Why does a 5 year old need a tracksuit that costs 100s? That is a waste of money and won't benefit the child at all. A trip to the theatre will.

What? She’s 5. I think the tracksuit for her holiday is a lot more of a priority than an hour’s drive to the theatre. If a 5 year old is behind in school, it’s very likely that she will catch up with her peers in a year or so, regular reading is key. I honestly don’t see how a trip to the theatre would help with this.

I don't follow how the theatre trip would make a difference to the child being slightly behind in school? Getting a range of life experiences is great if it's affordable for the family, but that's not likely to be the difference in catching up at school in a 5 year old? Plus, it's okay to prioritise different experiences, it sounds like they are off on holiday soon & that will bring new experiences too. Perhaps the parent knew the child wouldn't enjoy the theatre experience, depending on what the show was?

@FeistyFrankie this is what I meant, that surely the impact is best if started as early as possible

What is this? A small child needs to go to the theatre/ballet?

@Quokkas oh well I’ll leave the thread now I’ve had my validation, thank you! 😃

OK. I didn’t realise ‘Essentials’ was the brand of expensive tracksuits. So we have the extreme of a mum who thinks a 5 year old needs to go to the theatre vs the extreme of a mum who thinks her 5 year old needs a designer tracksuit …. Hmmmm

I never had either of them. Where do I stand?

I searched on Google and the hoodie and top is available for under £100 at sports direct

Even so, clearly its an important trip and she wants her child to look nice

The outfit will be reworn and will provide more use than one trip to a theatre for a 5yo will

You just come across as super-judgey. What are you hoping to get from this thread? And you know full well that all of it is about choices. You’re just being faux naive.

A 5 year old has no need for a tracksuit costing hundreds of pounds (if argue no adult needs that either) so I agree with you.

@Quokkas wondering whether people agree that such experiences matter at an early age

Depends what show it is. I have taken my kids to see lots of theatre shows aimed at kids.

I have 3 children. All 3 have experienced much culture from a young age (now 12,12, 15). It has rubbed off on the younger two but has had zero impact on the eldest boy. I’m not sure it matters re choice in the end? It’s very much about the child themselves, personality, interests etc. I may as well have brought my eldest nowhere and sat in the garden drinking beer! That’s my experience anyway.

Well, yes, of course they do - and you know that! But your OP is not about that lol.

Your OP and your thread title ask whether it’s more important to choose whether to take your 5 year old DC on holiday and buy them a tracksuit over taking them to the theatre.

You are classist and smug, but you dress this up as concern. You are the worst kind of MNer.

Do they matter ? Yes. Theatre specifically? No. An arbitrary timeline? Also no, unless you do nothing that counts as cultural capital for years and years.

You haven’t approached it from that angle at all. You are wanting people to agree that this other parent is lesser somehow because she prioritises something different and less worthy in your eyes.

If you can see that it’ll set the path for the child, why hasn’t it occurred to you that the path was also set for her mum at a young age? And that as a result, she doesn’t see the value in a theatre trip?

I remember being taken to The Canterbury Tales at the theatre and seeing the Acropolis at about that age. Enjoyed both, as it goes You understood and enjoyed Chaucer at 5 years old? 😂

Exactly!!

That one's more of a poser than usual.

Theatre. Sounds OK if it's a children's performance (although DD2 at the same age was absolutely fine with watching The Mummy, but was in tears because she thought Moley was really being hurt at a pub garden performance of The Wind in the Willows - Moley came over at the end and gave her a big hug and took her to meet the Rats). But then there's petrol, driving in the heat, the cost of parking, snacks and so on. And it'll be just as likely forgotten other than a brief image of seats and maybe one character soon enough.

Tracksuit. It's something she can wear for a year. It'll be comfortable, warm in winter, probably last a bit longer than Amazon Essentials or whatever their basic brand is called, used for activities as well as during a holiday and also makes Mum feel that she won't be judged by her peers for not putting her child's material needs (and an element of wants) first.

Like most people ?

Your comments suggests you may not have understood my post?