AIBU to think my small family doesn't need a bigger house?

[Izzasaurus]

I'm annoyed with myself for even posting this in a way because I shouldn't need to ask. I know plenty of parents who seem to give their children wonderful childhoods, despite not having much money and living in small flats or houses. I also know from personal experience that growing up in a big house with a big garden is zero guarantee of turning into a confident and mentally well-adjusted individual! (although the garden was very fun).

DH, toddler DD, DDog and I live in a small 2-bedroomed terraced house with a little grassy garden. We like it. We are also mortgage-free.

We've thought about moving somewhere bigger because we both got promoted at work recently and suddenly find we are in the incredible position of having a lot of spare income. Our own house wouldn't sell for much (possibly not much over £110,000) but we could upsize a lot without too much pain.

On the other hand... we're settled here. We like the area. We have enough room to entertain the local family and friends who we care about. We could put some of the extra money into upgrading our house and making it nicer, and have a lot to spare.

Ok, DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame, but does she really need these things? Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day? Plus there are lots of lovely play parks nearby and we go a lot.

I have a few friends and family members who reckon DD will be embarrassed by our house one day and will want more space. They act like I'm depriving my DD of a better future by staying put. I also suspect they look down on where I live. (Quote from one: 'I couldn't live like that'.)

Equally, I very much hope not to raise an entitled brat who judges value by house size, and I don't like the idea of buying into a sort of competitive house-upgrading culture now just because I can when I've never been interested before when I couldn't.

We have a sofa bed in the lounge for guests and I don't get why a family of 3 people need a bunch of spare rooms.

YABU - get a bigger house

YANBU - stay put

It doesn't have to be now or never. I had a small 2 bed flat until dc was 9 but it was enough space for us and the area was ok. I could work part time and we still did holidays, short breaks etc while building up equity. I've now moved to a 3 bed house in a better catchment area thinking ahead to teenage years and wanting dc to have space for friends over and now having a spare room/study space is great.

Your house sounds fine but it's completely different having a teenager at home compared to a toddler. You'll be very glad of extra space then! Of course it's nice for them to have their friends around and it's equally nice not to have to share that space with a bunch of kids.

Also, you'll presumably move at some point in the future if your daughter goes off to uni or comes home to visit and needs a double bed. Why not do it now so that you have the benefits of a bigger house throughout her childhood?

So your friends comments might be true. I’m a single parent and we live in a small 3 bed terrace built 1900. Actually some of the houses on our street are 2 beds and the same size. We basically have an extra wall making a tiny 3rd bedroom. We have a largish lounge and a kitchen diner you walk through to get to the lounge.

My kids are now teens. My youngest is very social me and is out with friends alot but doesn’t seem keen to bring them back to mine. She had a small double bed and desk and space but can’t really fit more than a couple of friends in her room so when they have come round they’ve taken up the lounge. My eldest can’t fit anyone else in her room unless the both sat next to each other on the bed, it’s so tiny.

My youngest in particular complains alot that we don’t have a garden and don’t really have space for all her friends to hang out. Having one loo is a particular issue. We live in the cheaper end of our town and most of her school friends live in the new build end of town where they have bigger rooms, extra bathrooms and gardens. She has another group of friends who live in the next town which is actually less desirable than ours but they live again on a new build estate, detached with loads of space, garden etc to hang out.

I am also mortgage free (because a parent died and my share paid my mortgage) however my salary would be be enough to sell my house and upgrade. I’ve looked. My house is only with around £100m max. Even smaller 3 bed semis are nearly 3 times that now in our area and we are quite a musical household so would need to be detached and that’s just way out of our league. I do dream though. I keep looking at shared ownership but they don’t come up very often.

As the child who grew up in the box room..it would have been really nice to have had a double bed, ensuite and space like my friends had in their houses. As a teenager it was also hard to.not have anywhere to go other than my tiny bedroom to chill..it meant sleeping and studying and chilling in one very very small room. It was fine and I was fine but it didn't mean I got all the other things you mentioned as I got older because..the economy. If you are happy where you are and give your child space when they're older then stay put ☺️

This isn't the first thread I've seen on here extolling the virtues of small homes with lots of people joining in keen to do likewise. Are you sponsored by housebuilders?

It sounds small 2 bed

small garden and can’t fit a double in the 2nd bedroom so it’s prob a 2 up /down

which is fine as a toddler. Not so much as a teen imo

We never upgraded our small semi, even though on paper we could have easily afforded to. Mortgage paid off early and we always had money for holidays and days out, that’s been with me working part time too. No regrets.

where I live, houses the size of 50 sq m cost 450k...so many of us live right where we are and never move

I remember my best friends house when I was a teenager. There were her mum and stepdad, she was in one box room, her sister and niece in a bedroom , 4 brothers in large room with sets of bunks and baby brother shared with parents. No garden as it was a top floor maisonette

Always loads of friends hanging about there. Her mum used to cook massive pots of chicken rice and peas for us to help ourselves.

Another friend shared her room with her sister( smallest room there) 3 brothers shared and parents had their room

That was another house where we were all welcome

So it's not much to do with space

Why?
Surely it depends where you live - anything half decent is going within a day where I live, usually with multiple offers over asking price.

i dont think its the size that is important its more important to feel safe and happy where you live. if you dont dread the key opening the door and not stressing about the space and your child has a place to sleep and everything she needs with things she enjoys then it really is not anyone else’s problem to be honest. gratitude of a roof bed amenities and food and recognition of that blessing is what should be an example to your daughter and if anyone is interested in your home and life to make it there buisness then clearly its a problem with them and sounds more likely they want you to struggle instead of security believe it or not. obviously this is opinion based on experience of people wanting to pull me down from my happiness and not really knowing that until it was too late and no one cared when i ended up in a crisis just trying to help others. they didnt care when there own ego wasnt under theat. wish id of known and understood that sooner.

I think you may feel differently when she's bigger/older and has more hobbies and belongings.

Where do you live?

I think if your house works for you now, you can stay put. Put the money aside and you can always reassess later! If your daughter needs more space at 15, then save until then and you’ll have a much larger down payment when and if you decide that you do need the space. But there’s no need to move now because at some future date, you might want something nicer or bigger. If you saved the money now then you can always change your mind and look at moving to a bigger property/nicer area/whatever. And saving the money for having a larger down payment if and when that time ever happens is never gonna be a bad move.

Look at Little House in London on FB - I have dreams of downsizing somewhere just like it!

Why not have more children? Sounds like you can more than afford to? A big house isn’t as important as family

that being said yes when she’s older she is likely to want a second bathroom and more space

depends what you are going to spend all this disposable income on?

Stay put of you’re happy there. You don’t have to make a lifelong decision now anyway, if you are not happy at some point, then look to move. You talk about upgrading, can you do a loft conversion?

Maybe they don’t want more children … or can’t! Why should they have more children just because they are financially stable?!!

I think that's absolutely wonderful and I love the community space your friends mum created!
I won't pretend that having zero privacy (as an introvert) isn't really hard hough. I think we can look at those situations from the outside and think it's sort of charming when in reality it's not necessarily that way

Quite.

As long as she can comfortably have a single bed, a wardrobe and a desk, I don’t see the issue. I would suggest just imagine if she will be comfortable in her room when she is a teenager, not a toddler. For example, we are planning to buy a bigger house just because the room of our 3 baby is a tiny (3m x 1.5m). So we ll def need more space for her in the future.

I would move as when kids turn into teenagers and suddenly your house seems to shrink ! That’s just from experience ! If you have a lot of spare money is probably the best way to see a return though I know not always ! Think what your priorities are in a house and just start exploring the idea ! Maybe give yourself a time limit like 2 years if you never find anything then not meant to be !

It’s an investment too. Upsize when you have kids downsize when you don’t. Depends how tight you are for cash though. If you won’t be able to afford a holiday etc if you upsize then probably better to stick where you are.

I wouldn't under-estimate the importance of a garden, particularly for children, that can be enjoyed all year round over short term 'cool' holidays or days out. My, now adult, DC's memories' of childhood resonate far more toward home (camping in the garden etc) than holidays

I spent the first 5 years of my first marriage in a caravan, with one baby,(being made homeless after burglary forced closure of jewellery store ex h managed and we lived above. )Interestingly,all my dks prefer small scale living, flats,Maisonettes, even one with 4 dks has plumped for a cottage.