AIBU to think my small family doesn't need a bigger house?

[Izzasaurus]

I'm annoyed with myself for even posting this in a way because I shouldn't need to ask. I know plenty of parents who seem to give their children wonderful childhoods, despite not having much money and living in small flats or houses. I also know from personal experience that growing up in a big house with a big garden is zero guarantee of turning into a confident and mentally well-adjusted individual! (although the garden was very fun).

DH, toddler DD, DDog and I live in a small 2-bedroomed terraced house with a little grassy garden. We like it. We are also mortgage-free.

We've thought about moving somewhere bigger because we both got promoted at work recently and suddenly find we are in the incredible position of having a lot of spare income. Our own house wouldn't sell for much (possibly not much over £110,000) but we could upsize a lot without too much pain.

On the other hand... we're settled here. We like the area. We have enough room to entertain the local family and friends who we care about. We could put some of the extra money into upgrading our house and making it nicer, and have a lot to spare.

Ok, DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame, but does she really need these things? Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day? Plus there are lots of lovely play parks nearby and we go a lot.

I have a few friends and family members who reckon DD will be embarrassed by our house one day and will want more space. They act like I'm depriving my DD of a better future by staying put. I also suspect they look down on where I live. (Quote from one: 'I couldn't live like that'.)

Equally, I very much hope not to raise an entitled brat who judges value by house size, and I don't like the idea of buying into a sort of competitive house-upgrading culture now just because I can when I've never been interested before when I couldn't.

We have a sofa bed in the lounge for guests and I don't get why a family of 3 people need a bunch of spare rooms.

YABU - get a bigger house

YANBU - stay put

Property has always outperformed savings accounts as the best you can hope for is keeping up with inflation. However long term property versus the stock market is a much more difficult question. Up till 2016 from 1980's property outperformed the average rise of UK stock market. However since 2016 property prices have risen slower and the Stock market has outperformed property by quite a lot.

With the stock market while long-term the average annual increase is 7% in any one year it could go down which is relevant if you need the money that year but if in for 25 years it is largely irrelevant there are charges for stock and shares accounts but generally not small. Most people investing reinvest the growth so it compounds
A larger home with mortgage does have more leverage on but it also has more risk than a paid off home. Mostly if your home is paid off it is not at risk if you get ill or lose your job while of course a mortgage that is a stretch is a risk.

Most of this is people's attitude to debt, risk and investment balanced with need for frugality / lifestyle and peace of mind. And how it plays into their values and attitudes. For some people a paid off house low risk investments a good emergency fund and a relatively frugal lifestyle is worth it for the peace of mind that they will always be able to manage even if left on just benefits or state pension. For others they view stretching themselves financially for a better house and borrowing for education etc will pay off long term and they hope Thier ability to work will pay for their lifestyle and enable them to earn more for better pension whilst accepting that long term I'll health or a job loss leading to long term income loss would mean downsizing to cope and that is a risk they are happy with. Most people do not want to be so stretched that even losing 4-8 weeks of income puts them at risk. Most people are not so risk averse that they consider any investment that is not guaranteed to be not worth it and would live on baked beans till debt and mortgage free
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I was in the larger house category, I'm now in the smaller house and more holidays category with more investments in stock market than a larger home to maintain and clean

Your OP lists all the reasons you should stay in a smaller house - so you seem to want to stay!

Personally though I'd always go for the bigger house:

• it's an investment, property prices at least double every 10 years on average, it'll likely give you a great return on your money, more so than savings/investments & you can downsize once DD is older to access that money
• you get to enjoy a lovely big house! It's the place most people spend the majority of their time, so imo it's one of the best uses of your money. You'll use it every single day!

Those are the reasons I'd move if I was you. You can still give DD all the money, house deposit etc etc by downsizing later on. And you'll probably make more total money from a bigger house anyway (caveat: depending on area and house price increases)

Stay in the same area and get a similar sized house with a bit more garden for the kids and dog to play in. Terraced is fine if the neighbours are good ours were fabulous and then they moved, the next ones were the neighbours from hell. We're detached now (but still a smallish house) which is great.

Invest your extra money and if you need to move in 10 years' time because things have changed then you'll have a good pot of cash to dip into.

Stay put for now.

I don’t think it’s quite as simple as you make out. Children enjoy climbing frames and trampolines. Particularly only children. So whilst not essential of course, having those things add greatly to my kids health and happiness. Is there space to play ball games, have a piano, host a BBQ etc? Those things enhance a child’s childhood too, and it’s still postage for the future. There is a balance between massive and unnecessary and a little bigger with a bit more garden. Children are a commitment and providing for their needs starts with the early years as a priority over a secure financial future for them. (Though it’s possible to do both.)

I agree with you. We have a three bed, three storey, 1000sqm home. They are all double rooms and we do have a garden and drive. However, it was originally the starter home, then I got divorced. I could have moved to a bigger house, but didn’t want to spend half of the only income on a house.

The eldest went to a “posher” school than the youngest, so she did get comments about house size. However, we were always the party/meal/sleepover house 🤔

I was virtually mortgage free by the time she went to uni, and mortgage free ready for the second. And they need money for that. And now I’m almost an empty nester, and I do all my socialising out of the home, I’d be looking to downsize again if we’d have brought bigger. Indeed sometimes now, it’s like pointless levels of dusting!

Meanwhile, we’ve enjoyed a couple of holidays each year, good cars for days out, decorating when I wanted to, replacing the kitchen etc when needed. Couldn’t have done any of that if the mortgage was all my outgoings.

I say keep your happy, little home if you know you can make it work for the future. Invest in some clever storage solutions to keep the place clutter free. Attic space can be converted possibly, for a study/extra space for your daughter in the future, if you think it's needed.

I live in a small, 2 bedroom house with easy access to everywhere I need to go, friendly neighbours, it's my cosy, tranquil refuge from the busyness of the outside world - I wouldn't change any of it just to have more space.

I would move to something a bit bigger, but with no urgency. Older children like to have a bit of space and if that’s possible to acquire, I’d do it. I’d also consider the asset an investment for the future. Mortgage free sounds good but actually you’re depriving yourselves of potentially making quite a lot of profit from future sale, not sure it’s really that sensible but of course investment comes with a risk. I’d take the risk, myself.

I grew up in a 2 bed house and shared a room with my sister. You will be fine

Your friend sounds ridiculous. Yes, of course some people will be that shallow but most won’t and probably not kids. Growing up my best friend lived in a static caravan then moved to a very small flat with her mum, single parent, not much money, and I used to be over there all the time. We would just sit on her bed, watch tv, read magazine. I appreciate things are different now but I wouldn’t think her friends would judge.
i would stay put.

We found the extra space as the family grew up was invaluable.
A separate area where they can hang out with friends and an extra toilet ( even better an extra bathroom )
you don’t need to have en suites or family rooms , just a large enough kitchen maybe that you could fit a sofa in and a TV or have your child’s bedroom large enough that can be where they hang out

Your house sounds perfect - your daughter has her own room, so what additional space does she need? We all hung out with our friends in our bedrooms, if we were lucky enough to have no need to share with a sibling.
I can thoroughly recommend being mortgage-free from a young age. Not only does it give you some protection from future job loss etc, but you can use the released funds to save for your child's education or your retirement, have great holidays, fund hobbies for the 3 of you.....whatever! You are also teaching your daughter not to "keep up with the Joneses"..... who gives a shiny wotsit whether their house has a playroom or ensuite?
You have fantastic values, OP, so I hope you stay put.

You like your house and are happy there, so I would stay put. I wouldn't give a toss what other adults thought.

As for your daughter's friends, the most important thing is that they are welcome. Don't underestimate that. My parents had a big-ish detached house and big garden but my mum was not very welcoming which made me feel anxious about having people over. I much preferred going to my friends houses which felt more warm and relaxed. My bestie was one of 4 kids and they didn't have an inch of spare space but I loved it at their house, full of happy crowded chaos. My own daughter prefers sleepovers at her friend's (smaller) house as she has pets (we don't) and the mum makes pancakes for breakfast!

The benefit of having a bigger house (and I'm only taking slightly bigger here) are more tangential rather than the sqft of the house itself - it usually means more storage (particularly if you have a spare room/loft etc to put stuff in) = easier to keep tidier, just by being able to hide stuff away. Unless you are very strict with not buying anything you don't need, 3 people plus dog in 1 double 1 single bed house is more stuff than space.

Also terraced houses = double the chance at least 1 neighbour will be noisy - even if they aren't now, you can't control who moves in and out. Of course you can be unlucky with semi or detached houses too but generally the fewer adjoining walls the better.

I don't agree with the 'need to squeeze an ensuite for every single bedroom' thing newbuilds do but one extra toilet is a godsend for when someone is ill or you desperately need the loo while someone is in the shower, etc.

So yeah, for me just a little bit bigger would increase quality of life and would definitely be worth it particularly given you can easily afford it.

I also had a very privileged upbringing house wise so also know this doesn’t turn you into a well rounded etc individual.

I also live with my DH, DD and DDog.

I am also in the privileged position of having a high income and we are soon to be moving from a 4 bed into a much larger 5 bed with half an acre of land.

Do we NEED the space, no of course we don’t. Is this a ridiculously privileged position which is unattainable for most - yes and I’m grateful every day.

However, the new house means she will have her own living space separate from the rest of the house which she can use when older with friends. I love the idea of her being at ours with privacy rather than at someone else’s house or out on the streets somewhere.

However, we also knew our current house has a ceiling price. We could have made improvements and extended and so on but we would never make our money back. Ultimately all our money and assets will one day be hers, and our new house will absolutely increase in value with any improvement we make because of where it is. Therefore it’s a good financial investment as well as giving us the luxury of space.

id absolutely disregard any reasoning around feeling embarrassed of your current home or being judged. People saying this to you are projecting their own issues there and I’d shut it down. But if I were you I’d look to find the middle ground - a bigger home with more space that doesn’t stop you also being able to enjoy the nice holidays and extra curricular activities.

I would stay put, and would reconsider if you later have another child so they can each get a room of their own as i do think that's important.

I think having spare money to support your child as she grows is much more important than having a flashy house. Having a small garden is a down side when there young and you want them to fun free (particularly with playdate friends) but if you are accommodating that with lots of trips to the park or using spare money for fun outdoorsy trips then I think that makes up for it.

I don't think I'd take advice from your snobby friend but my two pence on teens is they go where's comfortable to them and who has the 'cool' parents. Arguably I had the attractive house growing up large garden, hot tub, spare room however I spent a lot of my teen years at my friends in the tiny terrace as her parents let us watch horror films and have the odd drink. Then when I was older at my boyfriends who also had the box room but who's mum would be out every weekend so didn't care/notice about the cigs I smoked out of his window...

That’s a good point actually.

I still think OP should stay put for a few years if she’s happy but I think eventually they will outgrow the house.

I'm mortgage free with a baby and we are definitely staying put but it sounds like we have a bit more space than you. My DD is still in a cot and we're not planning to buy her a double bed anytime soon but there is enough room for one and space for a desk when she's older. In your position I would probably think about up sizing a little, staying in the area you like but giving yourself a little more flexibility and comfort. For me it wouldn't be about snobbery or having to have a trampoline or climbing frame but the practical improvement that even a small increase in space can bring if used efficiently.

Stay put - because you want to.

Of you wanted to upgrade to bigger property and could afford on would be encouraging you.

But you don’t. You’re happy. So tell others you are halogen with your choices rather than questioning them.

We loved our little semi, but it did feel cramped as the 2 dc got older. Especially as the box room was even smaller than the box room I grew up in (1970s vs 1930s house).

We moved to a 4 bed, because there were no big 3 beds around. I was scared of taking on more mortgage etc, but now dc are teens, it's great to all have our own, large spaces in the house to retreat to.

You dont know what the future will bring..you may find that you can retire early and buy a second home abroad? It may be that one of you is not able to be in employment for your entire working life, infact the odds are against that.
You are quite entitled to put quality of life above the square footage of your house. Security for you now, and options for your daughter later, above furniture storage space and of course home improvement above home enlargement.
Why would you question the logic of this?

Being mortgage free is great means you’ve got forever roof over your head

Butt, it’s also nice to have some extra space

I would probably look at three bedroom houses so you have a spare bedroom or that toddler DD as she’s older and have a bigger room whether that’s for her clothes, toys, friends or even a double bed

Equally having a bigger gold can help I love having a trampoline we got one when DD was two. It lasted seven years and I’ve recently bought her new one age 9

She’s on it so much with friends, but also on her own and with her dolls and cuddlies being an only child she plays with them

If you have a lot of spare cash, I would seriously think about moving to a three bedroom place or at least the two bedroom with two good size bedrooms and a bigger garden

It’s fine why she’s a toddler and small, but it’s very different when you’ve got a teenager

Obviously, if you couldn’t afford it fair enough, but if you’re saying you can, I would seriously consider it

Who are these judgemental friends that Dd is going to have!? When I was a teenager we hung out on our friends bed or their living room, we didn't care about the square footage of their house, if I could be mortgage free, this would be my dream! A lovely family cosy home without debt is all anyone really wants, my dc had a huge swing set and slide at one point, they don't even remember having it that's how much impact it has on their life!

I grew up, 5 of us in a 3 bed semi. I hated it. We moved to a bigger detached 3 bed with outside space when I was 14, what a difference! We weren’t on top of each other wherever we went. I only have 1 child and it’s so much better for us to be in a bigger house. It’s up to you what you choose but it didn’t work for me.

I doubt anyone will judge your house. We have teens in an area where some friends will live in massive houses and some will be in tiny flats and shared bedrooms. They do understand that different people have different circumstances for whatever reason and I’m pretty certain there is no judgement going on. Honestly, teens are worrying about so many things other than the square footage of their house. If friends do judge, they’re probably not worth having.