AIBU to think my small family doesn't need a bigger house?

[Izzasaurus]

I'm annoyed with myself for even posting this in a way because I shouldn't need to ask. I know plenty of parents who seem to give their children wonderful childhoods, despite not having much money and living in small flats or houses. I also know from personal experience that growing up in a big house with a big garden is zero guarantee of turning into a confident and mentally well-adjusted individual! (although the garden was very fun).

DH, toddler DD, DDog and I live in a small 2-bedroomed terraced house with a little grassy garden. We like it. We are also mortgage-free.

We've thought about moving somewhere bigger because we both got promoted at work recently and suddenly find we are in the incredible position of having a lot of spare income. Our own house wouldn't sell for much (possibly not much over £110,000) but we could upsize a lot without too much pain.

On the other hand... we're settled here. We like the area. We have enough room to entertain the local family and friends who we care about. We could put some of the extra money into upgrading our house and making it nicer, and have a lot to spare.

Ok, DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame, but does she really need these things? Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day? Plus there are lots of lovely play parks nearby and we go a lot.

I have a few friends and family members who reckon DD will be embarrassed by our house one day and will want more space. They act like I'm depriving my DD of a better future by staying put. I also suspect they look down on where I live. (Quote from one: 'I couldn't live like that'.)

Equally, I very much hope not to raise an entitled brat who judges value by house size, and I don't like the idea of buying into a sort of competitive house-upgrading culture now just because I can when I've never been interested before when I couldn't.

We have a sofa bed in the lounge for guests and I don't get why a family of 3 people need a bunch of spare rooms.

YABU - get a bigger house

YANBU - stay put

Firstly, other people's opinions are irrelevant. If they want to judge you for a small house then that tells you more about them than it does about you and are they people you want to be friends with anyway?

Secondly, if it's easily affordable I probably would move to somewhere with a bit more space. We're in a similar situation, 3 bed cottage with a small garden, 2 kids. In theory we don't "need" more. But I want the kids to be able to have a trampoline and a climbing frame and when they are teenagers I want them to feel like they can have as many friends over as they like. It sounds like you're in a relatively affordable area. How much would it actually cost you to move to a slightly bigger house with more outside space? Would it enhance yours or your dd's quality of life? If you genuinely think it wouldn't then stay where you are. But it sounds like you're in a position to think about what you want rather than just what you "need". And maybe you do want more space.

Don't be motivated by other people's opinions though! Do what's right for you.

I would stay, and revisit the idea when your child is a few years older

@Izzasaurus you sound very sensible which is great to read. It all depends on whether you want to have more children or not. Also, regardless of that your DD will definitely need somewhere apart from her bedroom to chill out with friends as she gets older. Teens like to hang out at each other’s homes and usually take turns with houses. Another thing to consider is sleepovers. If they have the lounge that’s fine but adults definitely can’t be hanging around in the same room or cramping their style at any age. Could you build a small extension such as a sun room or even one of those cool small summer houses / dens which are detached from the main house and are usually made from wood or some sort of metal? They can fit in small gardens.

OP could you convert your attic into another bedroom? We were in your exact situation and I still miss my old two bed mid terrace we were so happy there and I have the best memories. In our case the arrival of DC2 meant we literally couldn’t swing a cat and poor DD couldn’t get a Barbie house from Santa as we literally couldn’t fit one anywhere. The big thing is do you like the location? Is it a nice area. Thats a deal breaker. What I’d do in your situation is take a look around and see what’s out there. You are in no panic to move and if the right place becomes available you can think seriously about it but if you love the area and location then I’d look to see what improvements you could make.

I would like more space than you describe, but as the area is important to you, why not just keep an eye out for an upgrade within the same area, rather than moving away?

We have one child as well, and while we were absolutely fine in a small two bedroom flat when he was a preschooler, we did move to a (still fairly small) three bedroom terraced house when he was in primary school, and it is much better honestly - the main drive was having somewhere for DH to wfh that wasn’t an open plan living room/kitchen, but we also now have space for DS to have a desk for school work, room for musical instruments, space for his friends to play when they come over, a bigger garden to play out in. No trampolines or climbing frames, we have the park for that. No en suites or spare rooms.

I’m sure our house is still small by MN standards (you can’t bring up a child in anything less than a four double bedroom detached house with en suites in each room, according to some on here). We went from 70m2 to 100m2. Is there a medium option locally? Slightly bigger but still not a five bedroom detached new build?

Now is a bad time to sell so if I were you I’d stay put and build up savings and look to move in about 5 years.

It’s one thing having room for a small
toddler but a tall teenager will take up a lot of space and they like privacy and space for friends to come around.

I wouldn’t be worried about what other people think though and anyone mentioning that is very rude!

I’d look at maximising the space in your current home. My neighbours garage butted onto their house so they converted it and built over it.

my mum and dad extended back a bit on their house and had a bigger bedroom upstairs, new dining are downstairs and moved the kitchen from the back to the front of the house.

my partner has extended into his loft and has a large room upstairs there now.

have you space for a fancy large garden ‘shed’ that could have power etc and be a hang out space?

id stay put and invest the money in savings, pensions and experiences as well as improving the current home you love.

this money could be for riding lessons or other expensive hobbies.

amazing holidays at home and abroad etc.

People can have their opinions but won’t be paying your new higher mortgage or bills, so it’s not really relevant to them. If you are all happy, what does it matter!

It’s up to you, but as a heads up, teenagers need a lot more space. If her room is small and wouldn’t fit a double, she’ll likely feel a bit claustrophobic having friends over. Personally I’d size up in your shoes

If your house is worth £110000 and you are mortgage-free, presumably you could get a smaller 3 bedroom house for under £200k in the same area?

If you are both earning well, you could pay that off in 10 years or so, and then have plenty of money for amazing holidays in DD’s teens, and to support her through university.

Surely there's room for compromise?

Most people aren't mortgage free at the point they are young enough to have a small child. If property in your area is cheap enough for a 2bed to only be worth £110k now, which is insanely low, then surely either a slightly bigger 2bed with double room for dd so she can have friends over, or even a small 3 bed won't make the difference between being able to help with her uni fees in 16 years years or going on holiday?

Particularly given you have "a lot of spare income" - taking out a very small mortgage to buy somewhere worth, say £140,000 at some point in the next 5 years or so would still be paid off quite quickly and allow you to have lots of experiences and savings.

I actually agree there's no point in having a giant house when you don't need it, and in my experience spare rooms just end up accruing extra "stuff" to fill them with, but don't understand why you seem to be acting as if its a choice between stay exactly where you are for the rest of your lives or buy a mansion in London right now!

See how it goes.
If you are not in a rush you can change you mind at any time.

I would be very very wary of anyone who would say they couldn't like like that?
Not the words of a friend.

I would definitely step away from such a rude, toxic, judgy person.

We live in a large house, my daughters friends live in very very large houses and two up two down terraces.

They are all great girls and it is absolutely their lovely personalities, fun and kindness that make them so attractive to my daughter, not their homes.

Stay put and don't move for the opinions of others.

Why not build a loft conversion with en-suite for your daughter with the stairs coming from her current bedroom and turn the under stairs space into a little study area.

Keep it simple. Why make more complicated unnecessarily?

I have 3 kids who have friend who have lived in everything from a council flat in a high rise to a £800-900k fancy new build and EVERYTHING inbetween
we have an older 4 bed semi that could do with some TLC 😂
however true friends never judge - if you are happy that is all that matters

I would only move if it affected catchment areas for schools, and even then I’d keep your current house as an investment property.

I’m in the smallest house but quite some way compared to my friends (2 bed plus box room mid terrace) I could have upgraded but instead we have traveled a lot, I spent more on travel each year at one point for a few years than my mortgage. My daughter is now a young adult and agrees I made the right decision, she has a love of travel and experiences herself now.

At the moment you are young and working and you have borrowing power to invest in an asset which will grow. You will never have that borrowing power again or from anywhere else

Stocks & shares ISAs invested in a good index fund would be a much better investment than a mortgage.

Likely yes with a moderate risk portfolio, property usually escalates about 5 percent annually but she could get more in stocks and shares, but then she also gets the pleasure of living in her bigger home,

and the more valuable your house is the higher the return, even if paying a mortgage, ie 5 percent a year increase in value on a 110k house is 5.5k. It’s 25 k on a 500k one.

I could happily live in a very small space but equally I think that there's no such thing as too much space. If you could find somewhere bigger without compromising your lifestyle I would go for it. It's not necessary to borrow the maximum just because you can.

Now is a bad time to sell
I don't think it is with 2 beds. My DM house had 2 offers the same day of first veiwings for asking price. A couple of weeks ago and so did their neighbour.

Honestly, my DD has friends across the whole spectrum. From those with a full suite to themselves, to one whose family of 5 are in a small 3 bed flat and she doesn’t even have a bedroom. I remember DD coming back and saying she thought that was her favourite one of her friends places because it was so fun and cosy.
we also have a small 2 bed but it’s only the 2 of us so it works.

I live in a similar sized house with 2 young adult DS. They also didn't have "cool holidays" or expensive day trips. And no university funds/car expenses/house deposits etc.

It's fine. They had a lovely childhood. They are happy young men. They had friends over when they were younger, didn't particularly want to as teens. Maybe that's different with girls.

There is definitely a problem with too much space.

OP, your house sounds great. Her friends will come if it is a home where they feel welcome, relaxed and comfortable. That’s much more important than being the home with the huge garden or whatever.

The house sounds fine, and you could better invest the money you'd spent on an larger property elsewhere. It's not like you're choosing a house to die in anyway, if she does find she wants a bit more room in a few years you can move then.