AIBU to think my small family doesn't need a bigger house?

[Izzasaurus]

I'm annoyed with myself for even posting this in a way because I shouldn't need to ask. I know plenty of parents who seem to give their children wonderful childhoods, despite not having much money and living in small flats or houses. I also know from personal experience that growing up in a big house with a big garden is zero guarantee of turning into a confident and mentally well-adjusted individual! (although the garden was very fun).

DH, toddler DD, DDog and I live in a small 2-bedroomed terraced house with a little grassy garden. We like it. We are also mortgage-free.

We've thought about moving somewhere bigger because we both got promoted at work recently and suddenly find we are in the incredible position of having a lot of spare income. Our own house wouldn't sell for much (possibly not much over £110,000) but we could upsize a lot without too much pain.

On the other hand... we're settled here. We like the area. We have enough room to entertain the local family and friends who we care about. We could put some of the extra money into upgrading our house and making it nicer, and have a lot to spare.

Ok, DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame, but does she really need these things? Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day? Plus there are lots of lovely play parks nearby and we go a lot.

I have a few friends and family members who reckon DD will be embarrassed by our house one day and will want more space. They act like I'm depriving my DD of a better future by staying put. I also suspect they look down on where I live. (Quote from one: 'I couldn't live like that'.)

Equally, I very much hope not to raise an entitled brat who judges value by house size, and I don't like the idea of buying into a sort of competitive house-upgrading culture now just because I can when I've never been interested before when I couldn't.

We have a sofa bed in the lounge for guests and I don't get why a family of 3 people need a bunch of spare rooms.

YABU - get a bigger house

YANBU - stay put

Firstly, other people's opinions are irrelevant. If they want to judge you for a small house then that tells you more about them than it does about you and are they people you want to be friends with anyway?

Secondly, if it's easily affordable I probably would move to somewhere with a bit more space. We're in a similar situation, 3 bed cottage with a small garden, 2 kids. In theory we don't "need" more. But I want the kids to be able to have a trampoline and a climbing frame and when they are teenagers I want them to feel like they can have as many friends over as they like. It sounds like you're in a relatively affordable area. How much would it actually cost you to move to a slightly bigger house with more outside space? Would it enhance yours or your dd's quality of life? If you genuinely think it wouldn't then stay where you are. But it sounds like you're in a position to think about what you want rather than just what you "need". And maybe you do want more space.

Don't be motivated by other people's opinions though! Do what's right for you.

I would stay, and revisit the idea when your child is a few years older

@Izzasaurus you sound very sensible which is great to read. It all depends on whether you want to have more children or not. Also, regardless of that your DD will definitely need somewhere apart from her bedroom to chill out with friends as she gets older. Teens like to hang out at each other’s homes and usually take turns with houses. Another thing to consider is sleepovers. If they have the lounge that’s fine but adults definitely can’t be hanging around in the same room or cramping their style at any age. Could you build a small extension such as a sun room or even one of those cool small summer houses / dens which are detached from the main house and are usually made from wood or some sort of metal? They can fit in small gardens.

OP could you convert your attic into another bedroom? We were in your exact situation and I still miss my old two bed mid terrace we were so happy there and I have the best memories. In our case the arrival of DC2 meant we literally couldn’t swing a cat and poor DD couldn’t get a Barbie house from Santa as we literally couldn’t fit one anywhere. The big thing is do you like the location? Is it a nice area. Thats a deal breaker. What I’d do in your situation is take a look around and see what’s out there. You are in no panic to move and if the right place becomes available you can think seriously about it but if you love the area and location then I’d look to see what improvements you could make.

I would like more space than you describe, but as the area is important to you, why not just keep an eye out for an upgrade within the same area, rather than moving away?