AIBU to think my small family doesn't need a bigger house?

[Izzasaurus]

I'm annoyed with myself for even posting this in a way because I shouldn't need to ask. I know plenty of parents who seem to give their children wonderful childhoods, despite not having much money and living in small flats or houses. I also know from personal experience that growing up in a big house with a big garden is zero guarantee of turning into a confident and mentally well-adjusted individual! (although the garden was very fun).

DH, toddler DD, DDog and I live in a small 2-bedroomed terraced house with a little grassy garden. We like it. We are also mortgage-free.

We've thought about moving somewhere bigger because we both got promoted at work recently and suddenly find we are in the incredible position of having a lot of spare income. Our own house wouldn't sell for much (possibly not much over £110,000) but we could upsize a lot without too much pain.

On the other hand... we're settled here. We like the area. We have enough room to entertain the local family and friends who we care about. We could put some of the extra money into upgrading our house and making it nicer, and have a lot to spare.

Ok, DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame, but does she really need these things? Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day? Plus there are lots of lovely play parks nearby and we go a lot.

I have a few friends and family members who reckon DD will be embarrassed by our house one day and will want more space. They act like I'm depriving my DD of a better future by staying put. I also suspect they look down on where I live. (Quote from one: 'I couldn't live like that'.)

Equally, I very much hope not to raise an entitled brat who judges value by house size, and I don't like the idea of buying into a sort of competitive house-upgrading culture now just because I can when I've never been interested before when I couldn't.

We have a sofa bed in the lounge for guests and I don't get why a family of 3 people need a bunch of spare rooms.

YABU - get a bigger house

YANBU - stay put

Depends on whether you think everyone will have enough space and privacy as they get older.

We live in a 2 up 2 down. The footprint is on the smaller side but ok but the layout means we all live on top of each other and there isnt anywhere other than our bedrooms to get away from each other. My daughter doesnt bring friends round because she doesnt like people in her room but unless we go to our room we all have to sit together.

We cant afford to move and stay in this area but I would move to a better laid out 3 bed in an instant.

We're a family of 3 plus Ddog. DD is now 16. Our home is small ish but we're happy here, 3 bedrooms (one used as an office plus storage). DD has a big room, plenty of room for a double bed. It's been fine.

Cons
Only one bathroom
One large double lounge downstairs so no second social space
Long walk to train station

Pros
less cleaning
lower heating bills
it's cosy
Band A council tax
Good schools in walking distance
We have a big garden on 3 sides, driveway, garage and parking outside for 2 cars - this is really important to me
I have saved £70k towards reducing hours/retirement

DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame

Most children/teens have never had these (I had a large trampoline as a kid but not the others). Plenty of adults don’t have an en-suite. You don’t need three bedrooms as you only have one child. Also just say dog not ddog.

I don't have kids so v open to being corrected here, but do older kids need much space to hang out? We always used to just sit and chat or listen to music etc.

As for now, is there a park nearby you can take them to run around?

I'm biased because I really hate the mentality of "the biggest house we can afford". We're a nature depleted country, we need to live more compactly and allow more space for the wildlife whose habitat is rapidly diminishing!

If the house suits your needs, you're near good schools and not planning to have more kids then why go to all the hassle of moving! It doesn't sound as though you want to...

Kids dont give a toot about size of friends houses.

Id much rather have lots of savings and disposable income to do activities and be able to work less hours and do things like school pick up

Mine are teens and never will have doubled bed and two of ours share. But we can afford some amaxing holidays because we have a cheaper house

We moved to a large house when DS had just turned eight. In hindsight, at 3500 sq ft it was way too big for three, although we had several cats and a dog as well. It was a renovation project and we spent years - and loads of money - doing it up to a high standard (mostly DIY, with DS joining in where possible which he loved. It's stayed with him as he's now renovating his own house beautifully).

The house was always full of his friends - the place for parties and sleepovers throughout his teens...it was lovely knowing ours was the place they all gravitated towards. We had a cellar that I helped DS convert to a little 'night club' and he had his own sitting room for watching tv/playing PlayStation games etc too.

We sold it when he was eighteen and whilst the sale enabled us to become mortgage free at under 40, we later regretted it because once DS was at university, our home was no longer the one where everyone met up. His best friend vowed he'd buy it himself one day and so did I , it held so many fond memories. It's worth upwards of £1m now, so we couldn't afford it 😭

You sound very happy/settled where you are @Izzasaurus, but I do wonder if you'll struggle once your DD is older.

No need to move no, but houses are a good financial investment, and you might be glad of more space when DD is older. It’s totally different if you have other plans for the spare money eg private school, amazing holidays and love your little house.

A great range of perspectives here. Thank you everyone.

I created this thread quite focused on the pros of staying. I think I'm a bit more balanced in my thinking now. Not sure I've changed my mind really but I think I will be a bit more open to the idea of moving at some point in the future, if not now. I also take on board the points about how it might be possible to avoid a binary choice here.

I quite like the idea of us being a family who live 'on top' of one another in a way. We do have a separate dining room, lounge and kitchen, so it's not like there is no privacy at all. My own experience of growing up in a fairly big house was of us all being really isolated from one another, which I probably liked at times as a teen but I think was overall quite a shame. However, I can well appreciate my DD might not always share my perspective on this!

No child "needs" an ensuite. Maybe you could think about a loft conversion if that is practical at some point. Of course you may want to move later on but your child is certainly not being deprived.

How small
is her room? We are in a two bed with two children so we swapped and my husband and I have the box room and our children share the large room. We rent though but if we owned it outright I’d stay put and when we had money one day maybe extend to the loft if possible .

I have two teenagers now and we live in a smallish 3 bed house and I’d move to a bigger place in an instant if we could afford it. Dd has the box room and is sad she can’t have sleepovers - there isn’t even room for an airbed on the floor. My dp works from home and as we haven’t got a spare room/study, the dining table is permanently covered in monitor, laptop, cables etc, and in the school holidays we can’t eat off the dining table in the day as he’s in there working - we also have to be quiet/keep out of the way. My kids both spend more time at friends’ houses than here - lots of their friends have a second reception room/big kitchen-diner type arrangement where they can hang out away from parents, as well as their rooms. This is all first-world problems of course and we’re very lucky to own our own home, I know that - but honestly if we had lots of spare income then upsizing would be a no-brainer.

En-suite, trampoline, double bed - meh. No-one ever wishes they had those when they reminisce about their childhood. What may make a big difference is space to study/revise, have a bit of mental space etc. They can’t really be revising in the kitchen, dining room or in the shared bedroom. One thing if you have no choice, no funds but you do.
Your DCs are small now but when older and teens they will probably need more space - you will effectively have 4 adults in a 2bed - and probably a room each.

I think if you have money to have a house that size then you probably have enough money not to worry about heating and you would definitely have a cleaner(s)!

She has 1 child and they have their own room.

Sounds as though it suits you fine for the time being so I would stay put for now. Save the money you would have spent on a mortgage in a stocks and shares ISA and then you can use it towards whatever you want / whatever’s needed at some point in the future rather than having it tied up in bricks and mortar now.

I was going to say the exact same thing. My 2 bed terrace is now a TARDIS with a loft extension and a rear extension.
It's perfect.

Do you have room for a small summerhouse in the garden? We invested in one for a hang out for Dd and her friends, and they loved it growing up

I stayed in a small house with my kids Didn't stop friends coming over and it was paid off by the time I was 46 so all good

And we are in catchment for good schools

I grew up in a large house but I still didn't have a double bed, an ensuite or a climbing frame. I did have a swing tied to a tree though.

Stay where you are imo. Being mortgage free is fantastic

We were in a similar position, living in a small cottage with no parking and small garden but mortgage-free. I didn’t have any intention of moving but had a windfall and we did move to a bigger house with a garden. It’s made me very happy and I wish I’d done it sooner. It’s quite surprised me. I don’t live in a huge house by any means, but kids can have a living room to themselves when having friends over. They use the garden an lot and I love looking out on it. That all being said, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you staying put and enjoying a mortgage-free life. People are very jealous when they find out you don’t have a mortgage I find. Sometimes that’s behind their encouragement of you to move! The kids never felt hard done to in our former house but we all appreciate the advantages of extra space and better outlook.

Ah I stand corrected - I read it as toddler and DD, I think the d-dog added to my misreading, In that case, ignore my tuppence worth.

I think part of what you need to weigh into the decision making, is whether you live life indoors or out and about.
Is your family life more about staying in, TV, indoor hobbies, relaxing, or more about going out with DD, trips, nature, holidays etc?
I guess you have a balance, but may also have a preference to one or the other. Makes sense to invest where you get the most satisfaction.
As far as DD is concerned, very few people have everything. So what she loses in entertaining space, she gains in you have more disposable income to give her experiences. Or vice versa if you move.

Don't live your life to impress others. Stay where you are.

We could have bought a bigger house but haven't as we'd rather spend the money on holidays. We also valued the security that if one of us lost our job we'd be ok. It's also meant I could go part time and pick the kids up at 3pm each day.
Some people will judge you though unfortunately. I've heard a 9 year old discussing Egyptian cotton sheets.
The teenage years could also be an issue as you'd rather your DD to be home than rooming the streets. We've combatted this by giving our DD the biggest bedroom so she can have lots of friends over. Our DS only has a little bedroom though so we hope in the next couple of years to build a garden room that he can hang out in.