AIBU to think my small family doesn't need a bigger house?

[Izzasaurus]

I'm annoyed with myself for even posting this in a way because I shouldn't need to ask. I know plenty of parents who seem to give their children wonderful childhoods, despite not having much money and living in small flats or houses. I also know from personal experience that growing up in a big house with a big garden is zero guarantee of turning into a confident and mentally well-adjusted individual! (although the garden was very fun).

DH, toddler DD, DDog and I live in a small 2-bedroomed terraced house with a little grassy garden. We like it. We are also mortgage-free.

We've thought about moving somewhere bigger because we both got promoted at work recently and suddenly find we are in the incredible position of having a lot of spare income. Our own house wouldn't sell for much (possibly not much over £110,000) but we could upsize a lot without too much pain.

On the other hand... we're settled here. We like the area. We have enough room to entertain the local family and friends who we care about. We could put some of the extra money into upgrading our house and making it nicer, and have a lot to spare.

Ok, DD will never be able to have a double bed, an en suite or a big trampoline and climbing frame, but does she really need these things? Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day? Plus there are lots of lovely play parks nearby and we go a lot.

I have a few friends and family members who reckon DD will be embarrassed by our house one day and will want more space. They act like I'm depriving my DD of a better future by staying put. I also suspect they look down on where I live. (Quote from one: 'I couldn't live like that'.)

Equally, I very much hope not to raise an entitled brat who judges value by house size, and I don't like the idea of buying into a sort of competitive house-upgrading culture now just because I can when I've never been interested before when I couldn't.

We have a sofa bed in the lounge for guests and I don't get why a family of 3 people need a bunch of spare rooms.

YABU - get a bigger house

YANBU - stay put

Stay where you are. It's perfectly fine. And you seem to have thought it out.

Stay put. Invest in home improvement not giving money to estate agents and banks. Value your local friendships and those of your DD.

The main reason I’d move house with all those boxes ticked would be to get into the catchment of a better school, so if you’re happy with the schools then why move?

Does she have space to study in peace and quiet, hang out with friends without a parent in tbe same room, access to good schools and transport for independence?

This is what matters, not clumbing frames and ensuites.

Wouldn't she rather have a good university fund / house ladder fund for the future, and the chance to have lots of cool holidays and experiences? Parents who can afford to cut down our working hours a bit soon so that one of us can be fully present with her after school each day?

Yes to all of the above. If you are in the catchment area for good primary and secondary schools.

I guess the only reason for moving would be if you plan to have any more children. If not, stay where you are. Mortgage free is superb, and gives you so much more income.

if you’ve recently had a promotion, could you start saving some of the extra money so if you do decide to move, you have a nestegg.

One of the points a friend of mine has raised is that she thinks our house might impact on DD's friendships. She reckons that when she's older, her friends won't want to come round because there isn't space for them to hang out privately beyond her smallish bedroom. She also reckons that other parents will judge and look down on our house.

I'd like to dismiss the second point completely and say who cares about impressing people that shallow... but then it's my DD who might suffer if she's right.

I suppose I do notice that, having been to a couple of people's houses for paydates recently, they both had much bigger homes than me (despite being in pretty low income jobs). Maybe it's made me reticent to reciprocate the invites, if only for the reason that the kids don't have much room to run around at mine.

(Talking myself out of my own certainty here...)

I didn't want a cramped house so moved but you do you.

It's also not a now or never decision, if you're happy now stay, if it gets too small later, move.

If you've no plans for more children, stay where you are. Moving is stressful, don't do it just to please people who don't matter. Maybe your DD will want more space when she's older but you can cross that bridge when you come to it. I've got a big garden with a slide and a swing which is useful, but my DS would still rather go to the park anyway.

Think that will be cramped for teenagers. Why not move niw if the right house comes up that you can afford?

We were in your position. We stayed put, extended the kitchen and had a loft conversion to create another bedroom and ensuite, basically turning what we had into exactly what we wanted rather than moving to a bigger place that wasn't necessarily proportioned to our specifications.

My teen DDs in the box room, she still has sleepovers in there.

Stay put,invest the money wisely..we were born in the 50s. DH shared a double bed (not room) with his late df and brother,his sister and late GM shared a double bed in the second bedroom. They lived on the top floor of a Victorian terrace house in London. "Kitchen" was a cooker on the landing..I was an only child,so 2 bedroom house. I had 4 dks, the biggest house we ever had,was a 3 bed semi..Other people used to make horrible comments, not friends,other school mums. I remember one sneering " I suppose it depends what you're used to". I had friends who moved when they didn't want to. One of my youngest dds class mates,had 7 children in an identical semi to ours. It was absolutely immaculate, the boys were so well behaved.

Think about investment.

At the moment you are young and working and you have borrowing power to invest in an asset which will grow. You will never have that borrowing power again or from anywhere else.

A mortgage is the only way for someone to lend you big chunks of money that then appreciates over 20 or 30 years beyond the interest you have paid. If you have a big deposit of 110k and you then borrow another 250k, the question you should ask is "will the capital gain on a 360k house outweigh the interest on the 250k mortgage over the long term"?

I know the boomer days of huge housing value growth are over. But houses still very likely go up.

I don't know about you but nobody is going to give me 250k to invest. Sure, people might get an inheritance but that happens later in life usually.

So if I was in my 30s with a toddler and both working, I think a reasonable stretch on a mortgage is a no brainer. Even if the interest I pay on it is 5%, I leverage all the gain and I pay down the debt too, so I get all the appreciation of the asset.

That will outweigh what you can save out of income for housing and university and things in future. Also paying a mortgage is a more disciplined kind of saving, you have to pay it every month.

The issue is calibrating the amount you pay back each month to maximise borrowing power without leaving yourselves really vulnerable day to day. So the sums I mention above might not work for you.

That's separate from whether you like your house, whether it feels too fancy-pants to have a big garden, etc etc. I'd look at it from the view of financial freedom later in life.

It’s completely up to you! People prioritise different things. There are lots of reasons why a family of three want a bigger house (privacy for teenage years, separate room to wfh, space for guests to stay for a while and feel comfortable - grandparents etc., hosting parties). There are also many reasons why people would prefer a smaller home.

I’m not sure why you mentioned the ‘small incomes’ of those with a bigger house than you? I’m surprised you know their financial position and it sounds as judgemental as the hypothetical people judging your house!

People actually have such thoughts about someone else’s lovely home 🤔

Hmm, I’d defo want a bigger house when your DD gets older and wants space for herself, her friends etc. You probably will too. Particularly if you only have one bathroom currently, lol. Seems silly to be falling over each other in a small space when you can easily afford somewhere bigger. Sounds like it’s fine for now though. Assuming the schools are good there’s no rush, so take your time and maybe over time the perfect house will present itself.

Lone parent for years so just DD and I. As she got into tweens there definitely was a need for a second space downstairs for her and her friends to hang out. I also don’t approve of TV or games consoles in bedrooms etc so a second social space enabled that AND for me to watch what I want to. I did an extension around that time. I know you aren’t there yet, your DD is still very young but I would definitely consider a move for those reasons, future proof.

It depends on what's important to you.

I moved for the purpose of a bigger house when each of my children already had a room. As they get older and they get hobbies they accumulate so much stuff - it was important for me that our home be comfortable and welcoming for everyone. I really, really, value the space of my current house. And as luck would have it, we had a surprise baby - so the extra room was needed in the end!

It's lovely being able to host comfortably at our house and when the kids have a playdate being able to give them space but maintaining supervison is excellent.

If you're a minimalist, don't care for hosting and aren't planning to expand your family - stay put! Do what works for you.

I was brought up in a two bedroom terrace house. My bedroom had been split into two rooms, one was the bathroom and the other my room.

I had a dog from the age of 6 and our house was always full of my friends. I cannot remember anyone saying that they did not want to come around because the house was small.

Stay where you are @Izzasaurus and enjoy not having a shedload of debt😀

You do you.

What everyone else wants is irrelevant.

But as your child gets older you may find you want more space. But you'll know when you need that.

Some small houses can be massively extended if that is something you want to do. You need to be careful to be able to balance out the house correctly.

Loft conversions, garden rooms can be done.

Having 3 adults in a place with only one toilet or combined toilet bathroom can be a bit of a pain though.

Edit : I am fairly confident if you posted on here, is it OK to buy a house with a family and only one toilet/bathroom the overwhelming response would be no.

I’ve got a massive house and my teenagers were ashamed of it because it was too big. They didn’t like it when friends came and said ‘wow, your house is amazing’ and they didn’t want people to know they had an en suite we’ve got two spare rooms and a games room and we absolutely thought this house would be where they brought friends but it just didn’t happen. And yes, when it did occasionally happen dh and I would barricade ourselves away.

The house they did end up all sleeping over at has a cute dog so maybe try that!

My DD has such a mix of friends who all live in different sizes/types of houses, different holidays, different family set ups and she doesn't care, as far as I know none of the other parents care.
She cares that she has savings to buy a car/possible house deposit/go travelling, that I always worked part time so could easily facilitate play dates etc, we go on nice holidays, and a lot of that is because we live well within our means in a fairly compact.house in a cheAp area.
We were going to move 3/4 years ago until interest rates went crazy but we're so glad we didnt because we're also now mortgage free & have spent money on home improvements instead

If you’re all happy, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. People value different things.

Personally, when our first got to toddler age, we moved to a big house as we wanted more bedrooms, plenty of outdoor space, a separate playroom etc. As our children got older, it definitely helped for them to have their own bathrooms and big bedrooms for sleepovers.

We didn’t have to choose between the house and the uni fund, holidays etc though as we could afford them all. We may have made different decisions if we couldn’t afforded it all.

Your child is still very young, you may feel you need more space when she gets older, just see how you feel. I’d certainly ignore anyone who judged you on the size of your home.

Can you convert the loft? It depends on your personalities, a house full of teen girls, in a small house, wouldn't suit everyone. I inherited a house and everyone seemed to think I should be using it as a stepping stone, rather than have trips/holidays and yotal housing security. The parks local are a bonus. I'd consider what high schools are about, bus routes. Pick what suits you and try not to be so judgemental about people who do like a spare room/more space. As long as I could make the yard nice, have planters and sit out there, it would suit me. Parking is often the downside to two up-two down terrace houses.