Called DP a disrespectful **** in front of our friends

[Seasidescarl]

Views welcome on if I was OTT, this is a couple we are very close with for context. Over dinner at at a restaurant last night , we saw a group walk past who were all in ‘costume’, some sort of odd animal get up, onesies etc. We had a chuckle.

My friend jokingly said that is a normal night in the bedroom for us - to which my DP replied we never do dress up and ‘the most she allows is a finger up the arse’. I replied unkindly- swore at him and he said he was joking.

He claims I’ve had a sense of humour failure and over reacted in front of friends. WIBU?

Your friend set the tone for bedroom talk, your DH joined in with a joke. I think you've overreacted calling him a c* in front of your friends. You could have politely told your friend and DH you don't want to discuss sex and had a word with your DH about it when you were alone.

You clearly have different boundaries to your p and friends. Your language was not good but neither was their behaviour. Is this typical your social chat?

Both as bad as the other. You and DH I mean

Every time you see the friends again they're going to think about your boyfriend putting his finger up your arse.

The boyfriend sounds like a embarrassment. Do you want to keep dating him?

I feel sorry for the friends in this case - I wouldn't be rushing out to dinner with you two again.

This.

Why are they? I know my friends have sex, I don't think about them having sex everytime I see them.

Interesting that when a man calls a woman a cunt, its abusive…

Well neither of you covered yourself in glory, rough as. Keep it classy is my advice,

If someone said specific details about anal to you, you'd never think about it again? I'm sure no one at the table wanted to know about it.
The friendship is probably over, I know I wouldn't want to be around a couple who behave like that.

Depends? whose arse?

I wouldn’t want to be around a couple where one person called the other a cunt - I think the comments that lead up to it are irrelevant. The friend made a joke, the boyfriend made a joke in the same vein and OP lost it.

The problem seems to be that when your friend made a joke, your boyfriend responded by referring to something that isn't a joke. Possibly even a little complaint of his.

Thats disrespectful. I wouldn't blame either party for being upset.

I would think your friends comment was really funny. DH comment really grim.

I think the comments about the animal costumes you saw and then the friend’s joke about a normal night in the bedroom were both completely fine and good natured. The bedroom comment could have been true or not, but either way it was jokey chat and fine.

Then your DP replied with private personal information that was not only true but was also a jibe at the OP not being sexually adventurous enough for him (because he’s a porn hound no doubt). I think it was fine to call him a disrespectful cunt - that was a correct descriptor for what he did.

I really despair at what is now seen as restrictive sexually these days and what is seen as normal. I hate the world my 18 and 20 year olds are entering into as adults. Choking and anal, often without specific consent is run of the mill normal, which is really sad.

This is mumsnet double standards everywhere

The dressing up bedroom comment was funny but not the finger one. That's going too far and yes, it's disrespectful to you. He's showing no boundaries there.

So you can reply to someone who "offends" you but you can't answer the posts asking for clarification?

Your husband sought to humiliate you in front of your friends, he is a disrespectful insensitive, vulgar little prick.

Where are well getting c**t from and why are we all presuming that’s what she said when several swears fit

she hasn’t said that’s the swear she used .

I'm curious where the idea comes from that choking and anal are now considered universally "normal" or expected by young adults. That's not something I've personally seen or heard from my 18 year old & his social group (and trust me I hear plenty ).

There's also a difference between things being discussed more openly and them being expected. Anal sex, BDSM and other kinks have been around for a very long time they're not a new thing created by young people.

The concerning issue isn't whether people engage in particular sexual practices; it's whether there's genuine consent, respect and communication. A healthy relationship can include kink, or it can be completely vanilla. Neither is inherently better or worse than the other.

I think it's possible to be concerned about consent without assuming that all young people are being pressured into the same sexual behaviours or that kinks enjoyed consensually by many adults are somehow a sign of societal decline.

That’s gross. Your DH took it way too far for a polite conversation friends. Sorry OP I’d find that level of banter repulsive in a partner.

There's a thread like this regularly - always about anal play and someone being called out about it in front of friends.

I wouldn't take it too seriously.

When I was first seeing dh, I had a situation like this.

Dh was at the bar and I was with his friend (who I’d met a couple of times) and his girlfriend, it was my first time meeting her.

She said, “yeah I’m not Simon’s usual type, all his other girlfriends were goths!” And he said, “you’re bald and you swallow, there’s not much difference.”

I got up and walked out. I am older than dh, at the time, I was 31 with a 8 year old child and a mortgage, they were all 25. I was too old for shit like that basically.

I walked past now dh on the way out and told him what his friend has said and that I was too old for this shit and was going home. Dh winced but did the old, “he’s drinking, he doesn’t know what he’s saying” shit.

Nope, not for me.

The whole thing made me rethink my relationship with dh for a long while, but he did get that it was an awful thing for his friend to say.