To not let sister's dog use my garden as a toilet?

[YesterdaysQueen]

My sister recently moved to the same town as me but into a flat without a garden. She has a dog who only likes to do his business in a garden, not out on a walk. Since moving she has been letting herself into my garden with her dog so he can do his business in my garden as he won't do it anywhere else according to her. She does pick up after him but it all goes in my wheelie bin which stinks!

I had no problem with her dog using my garden when she would occasionally visit before but now it's become every day, 2 sometimes 3 times a day.

I've asked her to stop as I have young children who, now that the summer is finally here, want to play in the back garden and it just annoys me that all of the lawn area has had dog poo on it and as he gets a dodgy stomach fairly often, some of it is diarrhoea so my sister has been ripping up the grass in those areas when trying to pick it up.

Anyway, she's now very unhappy with me for saying her dog can't use my garden as his toilet any more and has said it's not a big deal and I'm overreacting and being difficult.

AIBU?

That’s ridiculous.

The sister should be respecting that op’s children want to play in their garden safely, without having remnants of poo around, (op said the dog suffers from diarrhoea). (And I’m a dog owner and have children.)

Her sister is completely selfish and self absorbed.
Why should OP have to put herself out, buying new bins and hosing down her own garden daily, to accommodate a selfish sister who lets herself into the garden daily to let her dog poo???

Dog poo in a wheelie bin should not be an issue. Wheelie bins are for all sorts of rubbish, and as long as poo is bagged up first, then I don't see a problem.

Big dog pooing in your garden, and weeing too presumably, is totally unacceptable. Even more so when you have children that play there.

I am a dog owner, and believe me when I tell you, when they need to go, they will go, they will do it there and then whenever. My dog looks out for and prefers grass, and pulls me towards it, but when caught short will just do it anywhere.

She is beyond unreasonable to expect your children to play in a garden covered in dog shit and wee.

🙄

id Be taking the poo and putting it through her letterbox! 🤬

As a dog owner, (and a very pro-dog, dog owner, at that.....give me a dog over humans, anytime!), you are NOT being at all unreasonable! No matter how careful one is, it's very difficult to completely pick up after a dog, especially if the stools are loose. So I'd be very unhappy that my children couldn't safely play on their own lawn because someone else's dog was using it as a toilet several times a day!

Your sister is being ridiculous, and selfish. Dogs can be anxious, yes
Some may not like "going" whilst on a lead, for instance, but they will eventually. It takes time to train a dog, and some dogs take longer than others. She just has to be patient and consistent. Can you not lock your garden gate so she can't just let herself in?

I'll admit I didn't realise the safety issue with children was as bad as it is. I knew touching dog poo could cause children to go blind but I think I assumed that would be a large amount, not traces. Now that I know how bad it is I would never have allowed it. Obviously I didnt know her dog had diarrhea before I agreed to letting them use the garden and I only agreed to a couple of days while she settled in and got done with unpacking before she could find a suitable spot. However she is now saying there are no suitable spots as all the local parks have signs saying dogs must be kept on a lead and apparently he won't go if he's on the lead.

It just sounds like a lack of training to me. This is why I don't own a dog. The training and responsibility isn't something I'd be able to meet.

Its hard to describe the back gate but its sort of a make shift one between the side of the house and a 3ft brick wall with an old bit of wooden fence on top of the wall to match the height of the gate. I don't have the money right now to get a proper fence and gate installed. But I will get a padlock as that hopefully would be enough of a deterrent.

She can use a long line, let him trail it, and get up early in the morning/take him out later at night. If his diet is good, then he shouldn't need to shit more than twice a day though. This is also something she should have addressed years ago, very much a her problem, not a you problem!

But if you'd read my other posts on here, no, a trace of fresh poo is not going to make your children blind. If the dog is regularly wormed then even ingesting large amounts of it isn't going to make your kids blind (and I doubt they'd do that!). It's the worms, not the poo, that are the issue.

Yes, poo from unwormed dogs that is left to sit for weeks at a steady warm, moist temp is a risk, it does have to be rubbed into the eyes or ingested though.

But that risk is higher from cats/foxes as they don't get wormed as regularly as dogs do.

However does your sister think other dog owners without gardens manage???
She's using you as an easy option, with no regard for your feelings or the safety of your children, who play on the lawn.
And she's using emotional blackmail to attempt to guilt trip you into continuing.

It’s so rude to ignore someone’s wishes about something and then tell them they are overreacting!

Buy a padlock today!

ah ok fair enough I didn’t realise you’d said about her sister needing to find an alternative arrangement as well.

Your sister is massively disrespectful Op, my question is - what is she normally like? I am just wondering if this is a symptom of a wider program and curious to know what kind of relationship you have for her to be emboldened to act in this way and then to double down when called out. Or is she just like this with everyone?

I don’t have a sister but I have had a few friends a bit like that. They would run all over me and then be super offended once I stopped being a doormat.

Thankfully I was able to let them go over the years, once I’d stopped being afraid of disappointing people. They usually fade themselves out your life once you start drawing boundaries, but I guess it’s a bit different when it’s your sister.

@Plishplosh she's always been like this and is generally like it although she will try and reign it in around people she can't get away with it with, eg work. My Mum is also very similar so I grew up pretty much being trampled over emotionally. They are both very overbearing and domineering personalities whereas I am passive and unfortunately a people pleaser although I working on it as I get older and learning to stand up for myself.

Ugh that sounds tough. I can imagine your mum and sister ganged up against you growing up and saw you as the convenient doormat.

Well it all sounded very bizarre, so this makes more sense now as in it explains why she thought she could get away with being so disrespectful and also why she’s now seemingly angry.

Well done on standing up to her this time and prioritising yourself and the family you’ve created.

I found that when I started saying no to people like that, they’d soon come back with another unreasonable demand - as if to prove they still could control me. So watch out for her trying to manipulate you into something else.

Actually not true. My dog only did a wee in our garden in the last weeks of his life when he couldn’t control his bladder. Never once did a poo there. And believe me when we all had Covid and couldn’t take him to the park I reckoned he’d eventually crack and use the garden but he went 18 hours without toileting before I had to ask a friend to walk him. They can be very habitual. He would also only go on grass. Most dogs can be trained I’m sure but usually you’d start at puppyhood.

I’ve yet to see a dog that won’t go in an area other dogs go though and would be furious if someone treated my garden like this @YesterdaysQueen I don’t think you are being unreasonable and think she can try harder to find a quiet spot to take the dog which may mean going into quieter parks or areas with long grass which most dogs seem to prefer. Or at different times when the park is less busy if he doesn’t like noise/gets stressed which may mean early or late walks.

We had to walk our dog before bedtime because of his habits and yes it was inconvenient but it’s all part of having a dog - caring for their basic needs. Inconvenient or not I was glad we knew our garden was dog poo (and cat poo - as he chased them away) free when my DS played in it.

Would your mum let your sister into the garden several times a day, for her dog to shite all over garden and then leave it in her wheelie bin?

Yes, I agree your sister should have stuck to a goldfish.