AIBU to feel frustrated about managing TTC and fertile window sex?

[Laylaxoxo]

Aibu that I’m frustrated my partner is finding it hard to perform whilst we’re ttc? We have one DS, and would like another baby.

If I say I’m in my fertile bit (v briefly) and say let’s have sex apparently that puts him off and he then feels under pressure. So I just have to initiate naturally. It’s only actually been a few times that I’ve even mentioned it, as I am aware it can put them off.

So not only do women have to be pregnant for 9 months, give birth and all the rest but also we have to pretend we’re really h*rny during the fertile window and initiate DTD.

Don’t get me wrong I love DTD, but it feels like women have to orchestrate every aspect.
I’m posting as I can’t really talk about this to anyone but feeling frustrated like I have to keep track of it all and also keep it secret - as I feel chances would be lower than they already are if I didn’t track

Just have regular sex, ditch tracking and see what happens. We didn’t have tests when my dc were born, still got pregnant

Its best just to have regular sex throughout the month, no pressure

Does he even want this baby op? If he can perform ‘normally’ at any other time, I’d be questioning why he can’t when not only does he get to have sex, it may result in a baby he apparently wants?

LOL. A full time working couple with a child...let's all pretend they are having sex 4-5 times a week just for for the fun of it, sure.

Either just have sex normally or let him do the tracking/ share the app. Then you don't need to say anything, less pressure.

Assuming he wants a baby then he can do the easy bit of scheduling.

but also we have to pretend we’re really hrny*

So I take it this must mean you're not really "h*rny", but expect your DH to have sex with someone who doesn't want to do it, but is forcing herself to do it for other reasons?

Op if you’re this angry tbh I’d find it stressful!!!

Just have normal sex when you want to have sex!

What do you mean by pretend to be horny? You're not actually wanting sex you just want a semen deposit?!

She's angry because she has to pretend she's not the one doing the work here! TTC is hard. Of course it's on her mind. We are only fertile for a few days of the month and we are conscious of it. We are also conscious that once we do get pregnant, we have 9 months of hell to endure (or at least it was medical hell for me), schedule mat leave etc, so the timing will be on the OP's mind. OP is frustrated she has to pretend all this isn't on her mind. I get it OP.

This is the norm for some couples.

Honestly, I'm working 50 hours a week and also have a toddler. Having sex when I like could be ZERO times this month, zero or 2 times next month, maybe 10 times next month if work is easy and my toddler actually sleeps. Of course sex needs to be scheduled if you actually want a baby, everyone I know in real life has had to do the same.

You are meant to have sex every other day in the fertile period. That means being aware of the timing, you can't escape it.

Gosh I cannot imagine why he cant get in the mood 🤣🤣

And if it's not the norm for the particular couple you're part of, you have to track and
plan.

Sex when trying to conceive (when you’re tracking ovulation) is not the same sex you have when you just fancy it and the mood takes you. I think you’re being very unfair. When we were trying to conceive there were times I didn’t fancy it and felt stressed so we didn’t. Same when he felt the same way. I don’t think anyone should be pressured into having sex when they’re not in the mood.

Maybe you could try the Turkey baster approach 😬

Some of these replies are a bit harsh. I do actually know what you mean, my partner was similar, he felt under a lot of pressure when I told him I was in my fertile time, and it all became really difficult. We already had a young child, and not much free time so it wasn't like we could just have sex every second day and hope for the best. I don't really know what the answer is, we gave up for a bit and I got pregnant randomly in a month that we only had sex once. But I remember feeling very similar to you, I'm sorry, it's very stressful❤️

Getting angry isn’t going to help no wonder he feels under pressure
stop being as obsessed with it and let nature take its course.

Forget the tracking and just do your normal thing.
You can plan all you like but there are so many anecdotal stories of conception happening just when least expected.
From my own experience the longest time it took me to conceive was the one i was 'desperately' trying for.
Good luck .

We had this problem when TTC our first child, neither of of us was able to perform tbh! Best thing we did was just dial it back a bit. Don't visibly track it with ovulation tests or anything, just know roughly when you expect to ovulate each month and aim for that day and the 2 days before. You don't need to pin point it exactly every month as there's several days you can get pregnant. We actually found it way easier when TTC the second time around as at least we'd done it once before already.

I like the idea of sex but sadly the reality with most blokes has been lacking.
I really really wanted a baby. It happened with someone I knew it would happen with
Go with the flow..is it a baby, a relationship, or family life you actually crave.⁹

Yes, annoying we have to orchestrate but will be worth it when you fall pregnant. When trying to induce labour, I kept requesting sex and DP felt ‘used’ so I had to stop talking about it and put on the ‘moves’. Lol

It’s conception not a military operation.

Are you sure he really wants another child?

Just have lots of sex.

Even id find it off putting if my partner only wanted sex when it was baby making time especially if they were not really fussed the rest of the time.

Just wanting me for my baby making not because they want to have sex with me.

Not much less sexy than in fertile now to come on let’s get going. I can feel the imaginary boner shrivelling up from here. Or as women say drier than the Sahara desert.

Fertility window sex - is that when you lean out the window and he is behind you , doggy style and you conceive? Interesting for the neighbours.

@Laylaxoxo

I am curious as to why you are approaching TTC this way?

I never tracked a single thing. I got pregnant 4 times albeit lost 2 babies but I honestly do not understand this obsession with tracking and planning.

You say it’s the woman’s job but to me you are making work for yourself for no reason. Just have sex normally - unless you are on some sort of medical regime.

But if not, calm down.

I understand your DH completely. I would find your behaviour SO offputting - who the hell wants to fuck on a schedule?! You come across like you just want his sperm on a certain date like a Tesco delivery. So off putting.

Please stop it. It’s a bit dehumanising. I really sympathise with him. I would avoid a partner completely and entirely if they acted like this.