My mum has been very hot and cold towards me my entire life. I didn’t spend a lot of time with her as a child, i was always at a grandparents house during school holidays and weekends; which she seems to forget. She has never been supportive towards me and nothing i do is ever good enough.
im 30 and have 3 children; 10, 8 and 9 months. she has the oldest 2 for tea once a week. The kids enjoy going and i appreciate her having them. She came to pick them up yesterday and my partner just changed baby’s nappy and had left the used nappy on the floor of the living room (that i had just cleaned top to bottom) and took the baby, who is teething and was crying loudly, for a walk. i hadn’t been back into the living room as was getting the kids ready. (if i had, i would of put it in the bin). my mum came in and was talking to the older 2 as i ran upstairs to get a charger for the oldest switch, i heard my mum mutter dirty b*h. i came back down and asked her what she just said and she denied it. i then said, i heard you? and then she went off on a rant, shouting at me about how i’m disgusting, don't look after my children properly, how i shouldn’t be going back to work after maternity and should be focusing on the kids, and a whole lot of other nasty judgemental comments. i told her to get out, i didn’t shout, i just kept repeating it until she left, and she was shouting at me the full way out of the door, in front of my kids and with the neighbours watching.
I am absolutely devastated. I have PND and feel like a failure at the best of times. But i do my best. i had spent the day cleaning, looking after a crying baby, the kids have been out on a walk, to the park, and been playing football in the garden. My mum has made me feel completely useless and failing, over a nappy that had been on the floor for less than 5 minutes, that i didn’t even leave there. My partner has apologised, he said he was just in that much of a rush to get baby out to try settle her that he forgot to pick it up.
In terms of going back to work, i wish i didn’t have to but i have no choice, there are bills that need paid and we absolutely can’t afford them on one income. i’m going back to work 2 days a week, instead of my previous 40hrs. i now feel so guilty for this, but in contrast, she worked full time my entire childhood so i don’t really understand how she can judge me for going back to work.
This isn’t the first time she has spoken to me this way, and to be honest this is one of the tamer arguments. She has said some very nasty things in the past and i have never had an apology, so i don’t expect one now. I don’t feel i can carry on my relationship with her anymore. I feel like i try my absolute best, i don’t drink, i don’t go on nights out, my world revolves around my children. My house is by no means spotless, i have 3 children, and it could a touch of paint here and there, but it is clean, normal home.
Sorry for the ramble, i just needed to get it all off my chest. I’m never going to be good enough for her, and that hurts. As a mother, i can never imagine purposefully making my kids feel this way. Has anyone else had to deal with this?