AIBU to end it after he would not help with my flat tyre

[Leabee1234]

Ive been with my partner over a year and ive just ended things again as I am so fed up and I am distraught now. My final straw was today I had a flat tyre and was standed with my 3 year old in the car (not his child mine from previous relationship) I basically have a spare wheel but no.idea how to fit it and I was stressed panicking with my unsettled son in the car. I rang him he didnt once offer to help I then said are you not going to offer to help as no one else is available and im stranded. He said its not his fault I dont habe breakdown cover and im an idiot for not knowing how to chanfe a tyre. He was 30.mins away but was free this morning wasnt working. I would always and have always offered to help him if he eber needs it. So ibe gone mad and lost my shit with him. He said im entitled.i basically ended up having yo drive over 10 mins with flat tyre to garage crying as I was worried my car would break or wheel.would comd off. He just doesnt care or make effort at all. He always says he loves me and cares but he doesnt show it. He also doesnt show mucu interest in my son. Weve had alot of arguments about his lack of effort and how I feel unappreciated and unsupported but nothing changes. Now ive gonr mad he said that this is my fault and hes glad were over . We had a holiday booked in 2 weeks just me.and him for a few nights also. I just feel so shit. I feel like I make so much effort for him and always have and I dont receive it. How do I find strength to let go. I hate the thoucht of starting over again. Im exhausted from trying

He’s showing you what type of man he is. Stay away from him.

YANBU, your partner should have your back as you have his, otherwise what's the point of him. Ditch him and get AA breakdown.

He does not love you one bit if he just couldn’t be arsed to help you and called you an idiot for not know how to change the wheel. Well, many cars don’t even have a spare wheel these days. And RAC often take 5+ hours to come out these days.

regardless, look at it like this. Your tyre punctured for a reason and the universe has shown you what a selfish cunt this man is. You are better off without him. Run a mile, don’t take him back

it doesn’t sound like you’re being unreasonable no. (And I do normally say maybe he was having a bad day etc etc but to nag you when you’re stuck- feck that)

Maybe he doesn’t know how to change a tyre either

He does. He just refused to help me when I was stuck

You’ve definitely made the right decision to end it. Regardless of the rights and wrongs re having no breakdown cover, someone who loved you and was able to help would have done so.

Don’t worry about the holiday, its not important in the great scheme.

Do get breakdown cover now esp as you can’t change the type yourself.

Get breakdown cover ASAP. Thats the lesson Id take from this. Changing a tyre can certainly be done yourself but it is an unpleasant dirty job.

Why don't you know how to change a wheel?

My car doesn't even have a spare wheel. The last time I had a puncture I phoned the RAC who said it might be up to 4 hours before they got to me. I was on my way to work and didn't want to hang around on the side of the road for that long, so I googled local mobile tyre fitters, rang the first one listed and he arrived within 20 minutes, got a new tyre on my wheel within 10 minutes. Unless I was somewhere very dangerous there's no way I'd have driven on a flat tyre for 10 minutes, you can easily damage a wheel doing that.

If your partner is useless in other ways then you should leave him. But him not coming to your aid here isn't LTB territory

You said ‘are you not going to offer to help’? There is no reasonable reply to that. Could you not have just asked him.

He was horrible but you need to either get breakdown cover or learn to do it for the future, for your own piece of mind.

He was wrong to not help you.

You are wrong not to have basic breakdown cover and, more importantly, be expecting your partner to show any interest in your son after a year. Not the point of the thread, but that really stuck out from the wall of text.

Haha Mumsnet is the best

"Why don't you know how to change a wheel?"

is immediately followed by

"My car doesn't even have a spare wheel."

Well maybe, just maybe @AnnaQuayRules , the OP has been driving around as if her car doesn't have one either, and so hasn't yet bothered to learn.

Honestly, why belittle the OP people?

Lot of drama for a flat tyre. If you really couldn't put the spare on (?), you could have just called a mobile tyre fitter. Feels like this was a test and he knew it and couldn't be bothered with it.

He doesn't even like you so why are you finding it hard to not feel relieved it's over?

Learn how to look after yourself or get breakdown cover and have a think about the kind of qualities in a partner are non negotiable for you, you need to develope your discernment.

@Leabee1234 For your sake and your son's, stay "broken up" from this man.

Even if it had been the case that he didn't know how to change a tyre/wheel, there was no need for him to be such an arseho1e about your reasonable request.

Make this the final time you ends things.. This wasn't just lack of thought for you but no care for the safety of your dc..

the point is i was stressed with a crying toddler who was unsettled and I was panicking. I havent a clue how to change a tyre and as he was free I would of thought he would offer to help me as I would help him if he ever needed it and I was able to. He couldnt be bothered to.make the effort

That is sad. That's how you kmow someone cares or not. If they are there for you when it is needed and they can nut choose not to.

OK, two things.

Firstly dump the boyfriend. He is a selfish lazy arsehole, and adds nothing to your life. You are putting in lots of effort for no return.

Secondly, find someone - brother, father, colleague, friend, trusted car mechanic, to show you how to change a tyre. With a couple of pieces of basic kit in the boot, you are just as capable as any man. And being able to do it yourself can save you a lot of time and stress. Although most times a lady is stopped on the side of a road with the spare wheel on the kerb and the jack out, a kindly driver will usually stop and help.

And for the record....a flat tyre will not make a car break down. Nor will the wheel come off. Driving on three tyres needs to be done SLOWLY with your hazards flashing, but the worst that will happen is you will need a new tyre, and you may damage the wheel rim and need a new wheel.

I'm sorry you had a rough day.

You sound unreasonable. If you can't change a tyre (I can't and don't want to) then get breakdown cover. Don't be dependent on someone else's time or generosity. That's for emergencies. This wasn't one.

I have changed tyres for years, I am a bit of a car enthusiast, but I will dispute your point 1)

It is not "easy" on some modern cars:

• Does everyone know where their locking wheel nut is? I'm sure we'll get a slew of "of course i do!" but I'd wager some of you don't

• Does everyone have tiny 15 inch wheels like the ones on my station runabout? No you don't. Many people have 19, 20, or even 21" inch wheels, and that's to say nothing about the crazy SUVs which have 22 and above. Trust me - if you've ever had to lift off one of those, you know about it.

Car culture has become like owning an appliance or a mobile phone. For many people they pay the monthlies and they don't want to know about the grease monkey bits.

He doesn't sound very nice but what's with all the drama.

It's a flat tyre. It's unfortunate but all stress snd panic is completely over the top.

It's as simple as (1) change it, (2) call someone who can change it or (3) have maintance cover/call out service.

There's no stressing required. It's a major overreaction to a flat tyre.

Maybe he's just dine with too much dramatics.

Im surprised you drive around with your child without the cover or the skills to deal with roadside emergencies. You shouldn’t rely on someone else to help you. Drop the man and take basic car repair lessons (or pay for cover)

There is not a snowballs chance in hell I'd give this waste of space another moment of my time or energy op.

You say the idea of starting over is exhausting but op - you're exhausted because you're doing the emotional labour of two people, that's why you're exhausted!

You were absolutely right to dump him. Most decent men would jump to help a friend never mind their girlfriend stranded with a toddler.

He's shown you consistently who he is, you've obviously broken up over similar issues before. He's not going to change, he's bringing instability to your life and he's literally upsetting you in front of your child. You owe it to yourself and to your kid to make sure that any man who comes over your door recognises that it's a privilege to be there.

Do not take him back, block him and delete his number so you aren't tempted to reach out and you find a friend to bring on that holiday with you. Focus on yourself, maybe do a bit of counselling to look at your self worth and confidence and invest in yourself.

As a lone parent to a child the same age I understand its a lot, but that's why we cannot afford to be wasting any of our precious energy on men who are taking more than they're giving.

He is gaslighting you.