AIBU to ask my friend not to compare our children's height?

[Hokeyjokey]

I have a young DS, friend of mine has a DD the same age.
We meet up once every few weeks/months with the children to play etc.

Every single time, without fail, my friend will comment something along the lines of “OMG look at how much taller she is than him AGAIN” whilst looking at both children seemingly aghast.

It REALLY annoys me, I think because I don’t like seeing him being openly compared physically to another child, because it’s unnecessary and irrelevant, and also because I definitely get the impression that the implication is that “taller” is the more positive physical attribute.

AIBU with this? Taking it too personally? Maybe projecting my own internal bullshit a bit?
Would this irritate any of you?

I’m thinking next time it happens to respond by asking her not to make comparisons between them.

Just say boys tend to shoot up later and change the subject.

Just exclaim over how much BIGGER her DD is.

Or make a few personal comments about her. "I never noticed until now how big your feet are!"

It always baffles me that being tall is seen as a moral virtue; as though people could overcome their genetic inheritances if only they tried harder.

I’d just ask her why she is that amazed about a completely normal developmental phenomenon. I have a DS who is two years older than DD and they were the same height for ages as children. He’s now 6’1 and towers over us all because his growth spurt was later.

Yeah I'd just say 'well children grow at different rates, its not really worth commenting on' and hope she gets the hint.

I mean tallness isn't an achievement. My DS was tall for his age and it meant people always thought he was older and expected him to behave older even when they knew his age, which was unfair and difficult for him (He's grown up to be 6 ft tall, so not remarkably tall despite being a taller than average child, the other shorter kids caught up with him in their own time)

I'm pretty short, and I have 2 male cousins who are both about 5'3". both very successful - one is a millionaire (merchant banker) and the other a university professor. Their height didn't hold them back, because it is a total irrelevance.

Tell her to stop it. I had a cousin the same age as me and every time we met, my aunt would make us stand back to back (once on the pavement outside a department store ) and exclain with clear satisfaction how much taller her child was. I am maybe unusually sensitive but I still recall, decades later how humiliating I found it. My mother was equally annoyed but was intimidated by her older, grander SIL

My youngest was tiny, all through primary and part of secondary. Smallest in the year group tiny.

then in the space of year 9 went from the smallest to one of the tallest. At 17 he’s 5ft 11. Just ignore her.

I have this the other way around, friend with boy only a couple of months younger than DD will exclaim “I can’t believe how much taller she is than him, she makes him look tiny!”
Worst bit is, she’s told me previously that her son gets bullied for being short!
She doesn’t think he is but he is only just within the “normal” range for his age, so he is objectively shorter than most of his peers group. DD is the opposite end of range (she’s run out of percentiles!) so the difference is quite stark.
If it bothers you either raise it ahead of time or divert/brush it off when she mentions it

My DS is 15 and 6”5. We were at a family party at the weekend and I said why are you sitting down when speaking to people. It was because folk kept telling him how tall he was and it was getting embarrassing.
I think with you’re friend it’s an insecurity thing - she’s reassuring herself that her DD is “fine”, but like people with my DS, she’s not thinking.

I remember when I was at Infant School (Ks1) being told I was tall and "towering over" friends. I was embarrassed by it as I didn't see it as a good thing. By KS2 I was very average height and still am as a woman. She needs to stop commenting

The thing is, adults shouldn't comment on children's appearance. My sister always got "Ooh, look at those lovely chubby cheeks" and started being weight conscious at 8. It's not malicious, just stupidly unthinking, but it can be hurtful

I don´t know, I am tall for a woman, so I don´t know how it would feel to be shorter than. I am the eldest of two. I was tall as a kid. Taller than all the girls and most of the boys in my year in primary. Someone said to my mum "it is such a pity that the girl is the tall one, and not the boy". My mum was really annoyed. I think, that like you, she thought this woman was slighting my brother.
Well, puberty came, my brother shot up and now he puts his arm around my shoulder and looks down 😂on his big sister, big only in name. I am 1,76 m, my brother stands at 1,85 m at least.
One of the mums at my daughter´s school compared my daughter to hers, oh "your daughter is taller than mine now, but genes speak I guess, I am a shortie so the odds were my dd would be one too" said in a breezy way.
OP dismiss it breezely with, puberty will tell.

Well it is not as either you can do anything or it is neither good or bad parenting or anything else rhat either of you have done orcould do to change it

Height is height wishing it any thing else is not going to change it

I think I would approach this from a it is rude to comment on someone's appearance especially a child. Height is not something that can be controlled.

Some children also peak early than others. My 5'3" female friend was the tallest girl in her primary then she stopped growing and everyone caught up and most just topped out above her height.

I would ask her to stop commenting on it and if she tries to justify it I would ask her if she would be happy about people commenting on her DD's appearance especially when she hits puberty.

She’s an arse.

Commenting on children’s appearance like that isn’t good for either of them.

I think you're taking it on yourself a bit too much to be honest op, but I can understand why. When kids are small there's almost an implied after thought of malnourished or hasn't thrived or developed properly but also - that's in fairly rare cases. And there's a stereotype that boys will be bigger. Mostly it's just normal body development and genetics. I have a very tall child but I'm tall and so is his extended family on both sides so i do notice when he's with other kids who's ages I know (because otherwise its hard to tell) and I'm reminded that he's actually a little abnormally tall. So if I said it I'd definitely be thinking that your child was more on the normal side than mine and it would be a comment on mine rather than yours! Is it possible your friend is thinking that? Is her dd overly tall/ is your son within a healthy normal height range? I'm thinking this is more her own issue around her dd than anything to do with your son at all and I hope she doesn't give her a complex.

I can't say it's something I'd get annoyed over, I remember a woman at a baby class saying about how wee mine was once (how things changed) and the next week she was obviously making a really conscious effort to talk about how he was getting big and it amused me because I knew we were having some challenges with feeding and he just was the size he was!

If its bothering you then say something especially if she's within ear shot of both kids and if it's very persistent.

YANBU
Repeatedly commenting on a child’s body within the earshot is not acceptable. My DD is very tall and slim and not a day does by without somebody commenting, often complete strangers and she hates it.

Is your child old enough to understand?

I’m short & while it doesn’t bother me now if people comment, I absolutely hated it as a child. If I was your DS & understood what your friend was saying, I’d be refusing to go anywhere near her.

I don’t get why someone would be fascinated by the fact a child who has always been taller is still taller. That’s just bizarre.

My cousin and I always had a laugh about the fact that our DS’s (born on the same day) yo-yo’d height wise. But never in front of the kids, and it was only funny because no matter how long or short the gap in meeting up (we live 6 hours apart) the boys steadfastly took turns in being tallest 😂

Maybe sadly that's the only "one upmanship" thing she has .... I've come across people who have boasted about their kids teeth came through early!

My son has a shy friend who is 6 foot 7. He said that someone comments on his height every single day! He hates it 😔 I've no idea why anyone finds it necessary to say 'ohh aren't you tall!' to a tall person 🤦‍♀️ tell your friend it's rude to comment and to stop it!

It would depend on how much I like this friend. If the inference was that her daughter being taller was better I’d go all out on that I think. Enthusiastically talk about how huge and massive her daughter is, I have a feeling if you really went to town on it she’d probably back away on the subject. If I really liked her though I’d probably be quietly irritated but tolerate it.

Totally agree OP. I’m short- 154cm so my kids are not very tall. My in laws always compare them to their much taller cousins and it really grates on me. My kids are super sporty and coordinated and I would never highlight this as a way of demeaning the cousins.

You’ll get your turn a couple of years down the line when he shoots up like a weed.

But yeah I’d say “Please don’t keep doing that in front of them, it’s not very nice for DS”

I'd be so tempted to either patronise them in response like they're a tiny child - "YES, well done, the animal who has long ears and hops around IS called a rabbit!!"; or otherwise answer them in a monotonous robot voice saying "Affirmative: obvious higher than average height of tall person acknowleged, although tall person already very aware; move to next stage: say something interesting!"