AIBU to ask my friend not to compare our children's height?

[Hokeyjokey]

I have a young DS, friend of mine has a DD the same age.
We meet up once every few weeks/months with the children to play etc.

Every single time, without fail, my friend will comment something along the lines of “OMG look at how much taller she is than him AGAIN” whilst looking at both children seemingly aghast.

It REALLY annoys me, I think because I don’t like seeing him being openly compared physically to another child, because it’s unnecessary and irrelevant, and also because I definitely get the impression that the implication is that “taller” is the more positive physical attribute.

AIBU with this? Taking it too personally? Maybe projecting my own internal bullshit a bit?
Would this irritate any of you?

I’m thinking next time it happens to respond by asking her not to make comparisons between them.

Thank you everyone! I wasn’t quite expecting so much validation.

I do very much value the friendship, she has so many wonderful qualities and is really quite special actually, but for some reason when it comes to the kids there are elements that I find very difficult to bear.

Needless to say, I’d never retaliate in an unkind way, that’s just not my way, and not what I want to teach my DS. But the advice here has been invaluable and next time I’m going to just tell her that I don’t like it and why.

Some mums are very proud of having tall children. I once put my then 18month old dd in a playpen while I was changing after swimming. Another mum did the same. She was beside herself with excitement to learn that my dd was 6months older than her ds, and yet the same height.
I just smiled and nodded, but should have perhaps just pointed out that us adults come in different heights so it's not that surprising 🤣..

I'm short myself. Dd is now fully grown at 5ft 5 and very happy to be that height.

If you feel the need to comment, just point out, as PP's have said, that it's very common for girls to enter the adolescent growth spurt sooner than boys. It's also true that those who start the growth spurt earlier, will probably finish earlier. One of my good friends at grammar school came in (we were all measured yearly in the school medical) at 5'1", 34-24-36. Back row in the form photo, one of the tallest. When we left, 18 years old, her measurements were exactly the same, while her classmates sprouted around her. (I was eventually 5'10"). In our final form photograph, she's down in the front row with the short ones!
During my teaching career, the only time I taught a child prescribed puberty blockers was not because of gender dysphoria, but to delay the onset of puberty (he was only in Yr 4) so that he didn't start too soon and finish too soon IYSWIM.
But better to brush her comments aside if you can.

You are not being unreasonable at all! I would totally take that as here secretly saying, "my child is better than yours" but that could be my overthinking mind.

I have a 15yr old DS and my grandparents are always saying how my cousins son is taller than him and more built than him etc even though he's younger. It's not a competition. I usually just change the subject but I am with you on how frustrating it is!

OP I had a friend like this. The infuriating thing was that her child wasn’t actually taller than mine, but it felt so petty to argue about it I’d just say nothing and feel pissed off!

In your case id probably say (nicely) that you never compare him to other children and would prefer that she didn’t - if she is a good friend it’s probably thoughtless and she’ll get the message.

It’s annoying and unnecessary .
I am small , not out of the ordinary small though , just 5’3” .
I was told a few times when I was a teenager “ oh you’d be beautiful if you were taller “
hmm who’s going to tell Natalie Portman , Eva Longoria , Natalie Imbruglia and many more that they’re plain because they’re short 🙄

My daughter is very tall for her age
She used to be best friends with a boy who was very short for his age.
The height difference was very noticeably and people would comment but I never mentioned it to or in front of the kids or his parents. I know some kids don't like being the short one. They seem to put a lot of emphasis on being the tall one. I don't want to add to that. It's not that interesting either.

This is something you challenge at the time, not whine on the internet about. Tell her they're not livestock and that you're sure her daughter's growth rate will probably slow down, if it's concerning her.

My DD was an unexpectedly tiny baby despite being late and throughout her childhood people commented on how small and skinny she was “like a little doll” compared with her brothers and sisters and asked “did I feed her?!”. Fast forward she is now 22 and taller than all of her siblings including her brothers and a very strong and fit paramedic! Size and weight comparisons are never good and mean sod all! Tell her to stop it!

The making comparisons would annoy me as well.

If she was taller last time then it makes sense she would be taller the following time so seems a bit tiresome to keep commenting on it. Would think it’s only worth a commenting at the point that it changes and they either become the same height or he is taller.

I don’t get why this is acceptable …. but if you turn to someone and say “oh aren’t you short” you’re being rude!!

This shouldn’t be acceptable either!

@Hokeyjokey I would tell her BEFORE meeting up that can she please not mention the children's heights because your DS is fine but might start to get insecure due to her comments. She's a twat anyway. I would never comment unless it's favourable to the other kid- it's just social incompetence to do the contrary. And I wouldn't say anything infront of the children.

No, but generally it is

Completely unfair.

Say something like "Alright, give it a break, you'll give DS a complex!!"

It is weird. I suppose she is surprised her DD is taller than a boy, but it's not really surprising because there is variance in height and particularly when they are toddlers, sex doesn't make as much difference to height anyway.

Is she quite tall for a woman? I am 170cm / 5'7" and never especially thought of myself as tall, but statistically I am.

Wow! Don't say that in front of her dd whatever you do.

Honestly I feel you on this. My 2 step sons are now grown up but they were really little when they were young and so self conscious about it. Adults seemed to thing it was absolutely fine to go in an on about it. Used to drive me mad
we dont say our friends kids are fat or unattractive or spotty etc but seems it was completely fine to say they were short

DS is on the short side. Any time I‘ve had gloating that another child is bigger, I‘ve mused on how those who shoot up as children tend to stop growing earlier and end up as rather small adults.

If that doesn’t stop it, I‘ll muse on how puberty is set off at a particular body weight and how tricky an early puberty must be.

Usually, though, the conversation stops at how kids grow at different rates. FWIW, boys do tend to shoot up later, and in spurts.

Yes you probably wouldn't care if it was your kid that was taller

Yeah, that's really irritating. I would say something like "well, it won't last long" or just change the subject with "yeah, do you want a cup of tea?" and move on.

My son was always the tallest and youngest in his class. Then he stopped growing at 5’11” and other boys grew taller, even the lad who was very short until about 16.
I’d just look at her and shrug my shoulders and nothing. Change the subject.

Having been told by a parent she is so proud her child is tall and not stumpy nothing surprises me!! As advised pre-empt it with “How big your daughter is!”

Best things come in small packages

your dd is like a giant - in a tinkly voice