AIBU to ask my friend not to compare our children's height?

[Hokeyjokey]

I have a young DS, friend of mine has a DD the same age.
We meet up once every few weeks/months with the children to play etc.

Every single time, without fail, my friend will comment something along the lines of “OMG look at how much taller she is than him AGAIN” whilst looking at both children seemingly aghast.

It REALLY annoys me, I think because I don’t like seeing him being openly compared physically to another child, because it’s unnecessary and irrelevant, and also because I definitely get the impression that the implication is that “taller” is the more positive physical attribute.

AIBU with this? Taking it too personally? Maybe projecting my own internal bullshit a bit?
Would this irritate any of you?

I’m thinking next time it happens to respond by asking her not to make comparisons between them.

If your DS responded with “And you’re (insert unflattering comment on friend’s appearance)” would you tell him off or consider he’d been goaded into it?

My SIL used to do this and insist on photos. It soon stopped when her child was no longer the taller one! It drove me up the wall but I decided just to let it go over my head whilst reassuring my child that they couldn’t control their height and it didn’t matter how tall you are as long as you are kind

Not being unreasonable at all. I have 3 DS. DS1 is 6'4", DS3 is 6'0" and still growing but DS2 is only about 5'10" and finished growing. I am so sick of people commenting on him being the short one, it happens so frequently.

Oh this is a huge thing on my in laws side, always talking about the size of one child like he’s some kind of livestock.
I hate it and think it’s so unhealthy and bad for everyone

You should have nipped it in the bud first time but it's never too late. Next time say something like 'no, it's not ok to compare them'. If she protests you could say something like 'well ds will likely be fine with it because he will shoot us after puberty but you don't want to give your daughter a complex about her size and being too large'.

Don’t set this example for children in front of them please

Yep. Trying to say this without doing exactly the same thing, but my son always says 'why is everyone so obsessed with how tall I am?'. He is nearly 8 and noticing people commenting on his appearance. I try not to comment on children's physical attributes unless it's something like 'love the new haircut'

Tell her to cut it out. She knows what she is doing. Don’t dance around it like so many people suggest. Tell her to cut it out and you don’t want to hear it again.

Or address it directly and say “And? Why is that important? Please tell me why.” And watch her squirm. Then tell to. Ever mention it again.

Shorter people live longer, so.........

My mil had a dreadful complex about height. I am as tall as she was and it’s never bothered me but she seriously damaged one of her children’s attitude to their height . Another child made sure their partner was very much smaller. I did have to tell her that if she mentioned height even once to my children she would never see them again.

Bide your time until puberty kicks in, then (as your son is likely going to be taller than her daughter) you can remind her how much she used to comment on their respective heights.

What absolute idiots. Even apart from seeking to cause strife absolutely needlessly, they're basically jeering at him for being a very normal height for a man (not that it would be acceptable if he actually were short, mind).

It would be as ridiculous as constantly asking somebody with an average 3-bed semi how they manage living in such a tiny little house - purely on the grounds that some people happen to have bigger ones.

I’ve got two small ones - it’s irritating so I get it.

You're not being unreasonable. This is the kind of thing that, if kids hear, can give complexes that take years to unpick.

Me too. Being tall is not an achievement but people act like it is.

It wouldn't occur to me to give a shite really.

But you do, so no harm in asking her to stop.

My DD was the smallest in the class and we’d always get this. Fast forward to puberty, the taller, fast growing girls started earlier and pretty much stopped growing, my DD started later and sailed past them all height wise.
My DSS was the same and suddenly shot up at 16 and overtook many of his mates.

Height at primary school age is not always a good indicator of adult height and no parent should be making these comments.

‘I’m not sure if you mean to be nonstop calling ds short, but he doesn’t like it and you need to stop.’

It's baffling, and potentially very harmful. It's completely nonsensical, as it's just a totally normal variation in your genes. It has as much 'logic' (i.e. absolutely none) as that displayed by the racists who just naturally assume that having white skin must be somehow superior. Just no reasoning powers whatsoever.

Don't say this. It implies you think being taller is a desired attribute. What is he stays short?? What would be wrong with that??

I fucking hate this.

Ive had this with so many people over the years with one of mine.

She’s 12 now and still quite small for her age - but all the women on dh side, both sides are only 5’2” or a bit less. She obviously takes after them genetically so she’s never going to Amazonian.

One of her parents friends keeps going on and on, her dd is tall for her age, same height as me (5’6”) already.

Everytime we are together it’s a she talks about. I’ve told her again and again that it upsets dd and to stop it but she laughs it off. The girls are best friends and no longer at the same school, so it’s sleepover and we socialise as families. It’s so fucking irritating and makes dd upset.

What a horrible suggestion. Just because the mum is a dick you don’t need to punch down on the daughter. 😧

Op I had a friend like this. So bloody competitive and always comparing everything with our children. I used to find myself almost putting my DC down “oh he’s no good at that…” to give her ‘the win’ she obviously wanted, and to stop her competitive bragging but it never stopped. She was a childhood friend and each others’ bridesmaids, god parents to the children etc but it got so bad I ended up ghosting her. We still exchange Christmas cards but I never see her anymore. She couldn’t help herself and it wrecked the friendship.

I agree OP, right from birth my MIL has commented non stop about size and it drives me up the wall, everytime DD see's her grandparents without fail they will mention how much taller she's grown in the space of three weeks, I do say " going by your calulations she'll be 7 ft in three months, it's because you've not seen her in a while that's why" drives me bonkers