not to help BIL with the kids while DSis goes away for a few days?

[saynooo]

DSis and BIL have four lovely children under 8. They’re good kids but obviously four children are hard work at times. DSis wants to go away with friends for a few days and has asked me to come and stay/help because BIL says he’ll find it too much on his own.

The thing is, BIL regularly goes away on cycling holidays for a week at a time and DSis manages the children perfectly well without extra help.

When he goes away, it’s just accepted that she copes, but when she wants a few days away herself, suddenly she needs support put in place for him.

I do help out with the kids generally and love spending time with them, so this isn’t about disliking them. I just feel a bit irritated by the double standard and I’m tempted to say no this time.

My brother’s wife is a partner in a law firm and often talks about how lucky she is to be married to my brother and she is one of a few women she works with who can travel for work without needing to do any household / childcare prep. And that that was exceptionally rare. It’s depressing to start to realise how correct she was.

You need to say no to your sister and explain why. Her DH needs to be able to look after his own children safely. You could offer to be on standby in case their is an actual emergency, eg one of the children needs taking to A and E. But not to go round to wash up and put the children to bed.

This absolutely boils my piss.

He’s not a child. He’s a functioning adult and father of 4. He can keep them alive without bloody safety harnesses like this.

Say yes... for your sister's benefit.. do NOTHING.. then 3 hours before he gets back, put the kids in front of a movie and order him around to actually do some work..

Or.. spend the whole weekend ordering him around.. maybe while holding a child.. BIL.. you need to make lunch.. I've got the kids.. BIL you need to tidy the lounge.. I've got the kids.. then point out to him, at every opportunity, that your SIS does this on her own.. repeatedly saying... while holding one child.. I don't know how she does it.. two of us here and it is bloody hard!!

I would struggle with 4 kids under 8.

Its why I stopped at 2.

Your sis and BIL should have factored in his parenting abilities before having 4 children. Not relied upon the nearest other female.

He’s not a woman.

Why can’t he ask his dad/brother/friend?

Exactly why does he struggle-is he genuinely crap at parenting/tidying his own kids/house? Or does he just prefer to sit on his arse?

Honestly, I would leave him to it.

if she doesn't already know then how stupid can she be?

Absolutely this.

I would leave him to crack on. His choice to have 4 kids, plus he goes away without a 2nd thought! This will do him good.

I think BIL wants to have his own bit of time off while his wife is away and will dump everything on OP if she turns up.

I think that's the plan too. He'll disappear and she'll be stuck.

I despair ... she's enabling this incompetent man she thought was suitable dad/husband material yet clearly isn't.