AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

[Marooney]

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

DH worked on various jobs (kitchen fitting, etc) with a charming, charismatic guy who, according to DH, would take anything valuable lying around if he thought he could get away with it.

Yes I did tell her and she apologised but I didn’t have a big go as she is really sweet and I’ve already been angry with her this month for some accidental damage she caused. I don’t think she’ll come unannounced again

Thank you! Logic is a bit scant round here..

Sadly there have been several such tales on here. I do absolutely trust my cleaner though, but even if she were to steal from me it would be easier for her to do it during her time working here than make a special trip while I’m out!

Occam’s razor in this case would point to the people you knew to be in the house at the time, not a totally unexpected other person who left no trace! The cleaner’s random undisclosed visit cannot be considered to be the simplest explanation.

Why wasn’t it caught on camera?

This is what I'd say. Dh left my ring in its box by the door and we just can't find it did either of you see it or anything suspicious I'm going through the camera footage but wanted to check. No way I'd ignore it but no way I'd assume it wasn't them but it's possible DH will find it. I found mine in the coin bit of the car nearly 6 weeks after I lost it. Dh got a text message telling him to pick up his dad's signet ring he'd totally forgotten he'd taken it in.

Indeed it was mates rates I guess, or Bob just doesn’t charge much in general. DP wouldn’t have time to do the patio, he’s out from 5.30 to 20.30 most days. But what’s that got to do with having a cleaner? 😆 DP is decent enough at cleaning as am I, but he’s working hard and I’ve got the baby. I’d be surprised if most tradesmen could regularly take on the cleaning of their own house tbh. If anyone could be doing it, I could, but I’d rather pay someone else. And if you had mentioned her, my reply would have been that she comes every other Monday which rules her out for a Tuesday ring disappearance (one would think).

As I said, it was an assumption I made. Therefore I have bias.

I can’t picture the cabinet/drawer situation in my minds eye. Can we have a diagram/picture! Sounds daft but it’s annoying my brain not being able to picture it 🤣 I’ve been following this thread closely hoping you’d find the ring and am so glad you did.

Oh please! Woman moves ring to unexpected location - it's 100% the man's fault for not noticing! It's ridiculous the reaching some people will do here to make it a man's fault!

👏

Sure - just pointing out that had you not had that bias you wouldn’t have magically cracked the case anyway!

You don't know that.

The MN detective team might have been on their 3rd G&T on your patio when the cleaner walked in. " Who are you then?". Case would have been cracked.

A wee bit if common sense please 🙏🏻 Did you think for example that I’d climbed ladders to search the top section of linen cupboards that haven’t been opened in months? Where the cleaner shoved the little box of items wasn’t up a ladder but it was about the same kind of obscure place. She actually put it in a box of table decor on a shelf inside a cupboard that we don’t open much. In the timeframe available my search focused on the places that form part of our daily lives. As people kept going on about, it was possible that DP had put it down somewhere while doing something else- this couldn’t have been the case in a cupboard he has not opened this year, if ever.

It is the man’s fault here because OP continually said her dh was never forgetful, always conscientious, never loses things, notices and remembers everything, it couldn’t ever possibly be that he had moved it or forgotten it. Not ever. Despite the fact that he actually forgot to take it with him that day 🤔 But, when realising it was missing, retracing steps etc, he would surely have said, yes I definitely left it here along side xyz .. yet xyz is suddenly gone. Due to his absolute excellent observational and memory skills, he would, should, surely have mentioned this?!? It’s also his fault because he (somehow, miraculously) forgot to take it with him that morning 🤔

Read OP’s full updates and you will understand why @Goinggreymammy has written this. I agree with her completely.

Glad the ring has been found though OP.

You could report it as "lost"

Have you even read anything here 😆😆😆

Here you go!

Yes I should of added report it as lost to insurance company!

Again, have you even read anything 😆😆

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for DP not to ask after a couple of receipts or whatever. The area in front of the cupboard is sometimes clear, sometimes littered with unimportant detritus. I clear it as and when, or pick up single items if I need them i.e. it’s an ever-changing landscape 😆 He wouldn’t have asked if I’d moved XYZ items of unimportant crap as it wasn’t seemingly relevant to the ring. People seem to assume that we’d have instantly been able to work out that there was an innocent explanation with another person involved- if only we’d noticed the screwdriver wasn’t there! I just don’t see that happening. The actual explanation isn’t something we could’ve guessed.

Also, my point about trusting DP’s visual memory stands. He insisted he left the ring there and he did. Everyone’s so full of “Aha! Gotcha!” forgetting that by halfway through the thread I’d abandoned the idea of the workmen taking it and was scratching my head as to who could possibly have entered- it was just all so unlikely. DP didn’t lose it in his van, as I trusted was the case.

What is a 'rug cleaner'?

I’ve said multiple times- camera missed bits, too far from wifi :(

Yes I offered it to her for that purpose, there was nothing sneaky whatsoever. She loved using the machine at my house and said her other client needed something like that, I said why not borrow it and show her how clean it gets the sofas - brownie points for cleaner and my machine gets more use. I’d rather have it be used than sitting in a cupboard. Maybe her other client will buy one and that would make cleaner’s life easier.