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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to confront workmen about stealing my engagement ring?

675 replies

Marooney · 28/05/2026 09:15

TLDR- workmen are only people who could have taken my engagement ring, do I confront them?

Need some urgent advice please-

We’ve had 2 workmen here for several days repairing the patio. They don’t need access to the house and come in and out the side passage which leads directly to the garden from outside. One of the men has done several jobs with/for DP over the years, let’s call him Bob, the other guy is an assistant DP doesn’t know.

On Monday night DP left my new engagement ring in its box on a table near the front door as he was going to take it to have a small adjustment done, however on Tuesday morning he forgot and on Wednesday noticed it wasn’t there. He assumed I’d taken it but I hadn’t and there’s no one else in the house, no cleaner or visitors, no one. We live in a rural area and I haven’t always been locking the front door when I pop out on errands as the builders are around - I never thought they themselves might be a risk- and it’s a cul-de-sac so no one passes by except one middle aged neighbour who we’re friendly with, walking her dog. Our Ring doorbell has not recorded any stranger entering our front gate.

We don’t know what to do. Obviously we can’t accuse with no proof, but it seems clear that one of them has taken it. My only idea so far is to have a word with Bob, ask him a bit about the other guy and how long he’s known him etc then say a ring has gone missing and we’d rather sort it out now than look through days of Ring camera footage (we have cameras but unfortunately not in that area, but he doesn’t need to know that). That way at least we’d be implying to Bob that we don’t think it’s him. Incidentally, DP hasn’t categorically said that it couldn’t be Bob.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SuziQuinto · Yesterday 14:50

RedTagAlan · Yesterday 14:47

Nah. I have my version of events and I am sticking to them :-)

It's down between the gearstick and the seat in DH van.

A secondhand car I had once, I was looking for something in it one day and found a bottle of Lourdes water down there.

See, I have experience of that bit of cars. That's what I am bringing to the table.

You'd think their prayer to the Blessed Virgin would have helped them locate that.
It's a fiendish spot, though. My husband lost his phone underneath the car seat and it took him ages to find it.

DressOrSkirt · Yesterday 15:14

Marooney · Yesterday 14:06

Not found yet unfortunately. I think we have ruled out Bob and his mate though, so the mystery remains. Believe me if it turns up in DP’s things I’ll not only be telling you, I’ll be cancelling the engagement!

Why?

VickyEadie · Yesterday 15:31

Marooney · 29/05/2026 13:24

Not at all, I’m basing it on the fact he realised he didn’t have it soon after leaving. You don’t realise you didn’t pick something up if in fact you picked it up. Backed up by video footage of his empty hands. Even if he’d put it in his pocket, contrary to normal habits, he’d have had to take it out to drive.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've assumed I haven't done a thing (locking the door is an obvious one, butthinking I haven't put things into my bag before going out has been a regular with me for decades), only to find out I have.

Marooney · Yesterday 15:37

VickyEadie · Yesterday 15:31

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've assumed I haven't done a thing (locking the door is an obvious one, butthinking I haven't put things into my bag before going out has been a regular with me for decades), only to find out I have.

Totally agree, I do that too, but that happens with regular habits that we do on autopilot and the act of doing it doesn’t register in the memory. When it’s a one-off task you know you need to do and then don’t, I think it’s very unlikely you’d have a false memory of doing it or vice versa

OP posts:
Bethany83 · Yesterday 15:40

Sorry if I've missed it but have you spoken to Bob O.P?

LasersInTheJungle · Yesterday 15:51

Bethany83 · Yesterday 15:40

Sorry if I've missed it but have you spoken to Bob O.P?

Why bother writing this if you don't read OP's posts? It takes one click to read 'all' of OP's posts.
Far better than asking her to repeat the whole thing for your benefit.

AnnaQuayRules · Yesterday 17:52

OP, I really hope it has been misplaced rather than stolen.

If it does turn up, do you promise to come back and tell us? I'm completely over invested in this!

Owly11 · Yesterday 18:40

Marooney · 29/05/2026 15:52

I don’t want help finding it! I don’t for a second imagine anyone on here can do that and I wouldn’t ask that of mumsnetters. Timelines of retracing steps would be completely irrelevant to strangers online. My OP was asking about how to bring it up with Bob.

Why don't you want help finding it?

NearlyNinety · Yesterday 19:41

Of course he may have been holding a drink and the ring box under his T shirt.

Marooney · Yesterday 22:15

Owly11 · Yesterday 18:40

Why don't you want help finding it?

I mean I wasn’t asking for help. I’d love some help turning the house upside down to hunt even though I don’t at all think DP wandered off with it, but a bunch of people online speculating and asking about DP’s trousers, tools and taxes (don’t know if you’ve read the whole thread), while pretty funny, is not what I was after when I posted the OP. How much help can an internet stranger really give in this case? I appreciate the engagement (excuse the pun) on the thread but you were incorrect about me wanting people to solve it, I never had any such expectation, that’s all. My OP was about the situation with Bob.

OP posts:
Marooney · Yesterday 22:17

NearlyNinety · Yesterday 19:41

Of course he may have been holding a drink and the ring box under his T shirt.

Yes but much more likely to have gone in his pocket. I never thought the ring was there, just couldn’t understand what he could have stuffed under his shirt!

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · Yesterday 22:37

Marooney · Yesterday 14:06

Not found yet unfortunately. I think we have ruled out Bob and his mate though, so the mystery remains. Believe me if it turns up in DP’s things I’ll not only be telling you, I’ll be cancelling the engagement!

😂😂

HBLpsy · Yesterday 22:40

Off topic but I just want to say how lovely you seem!

It’s so nice to see you constantly sticking up for your husband and I appreciate the point of the post was to do things in a fair way.

Marooney · Yesterday 22:41

Didimum · 29/05/2026 19:24

I think you're getting mixed up between what you can know and what you can believe. They are two different things. Of course you can believe something to be true – but it doesn't mean it IS true, unless you have the direct knowledge that it is.

You have the indirect knowledge that he left it on the ledge, because he told you he did. You believe that's true. You don't KNOW that's true. He is the only one that can know he left it on the ledge. And even then, memory is an imperfect thing.

Anyway, that's all getting a bit existential now, but the point is that if you start going by what you know to be true, rather than what you believe to be true, then you have a better chance of solving mysteries like these because then you don't rule out any possibility of where it could be.

It's not saying 'hey, you're lying', it's saying 'memory is imperfect – let's not discount any possibility'.

As I said, I hope you find it. Or I hope that you have some luck with the insurance.

Thank you, no I wasn’t confused between knowledge and belief, but rather than getting epistemological about it I’m choosing my beliefs based on my knowledge, hence putting ‘know’ in quote marks in my reply to you. I can see why people think I’m being closed-minded but despite being convinced the box was on the ledge in the morning we have conducted thorough searches elsewhere!

OP posts:
Marooney · Yesterday 22:46

HBLpsy · Yesterday 22:40

Off topic but I just want to say how lovely you seem!

It’s so nice to see you constantly sticking up for your husband and I appreciate the point of the post was to do things in a fair way.

Haha thank you! That’s a different angle to most of the posters

OP posts:
JayJayj · Yesterday 23:52

Marooney · Yesterday 22:15

I mean I wasn’t asking for help. I’d love some help turning the house upside down to hunt even though I don’t at all think DP wandered off with it, but a bunch of people online speculating and asking about DP’s trousers, tools and taxes (don’t know if you’ve read the whole thread), while pretty funny, is not what I was after when I posted the OP. How much help can an internet stranger really give in this case? I appreciate the engagement (excuse the pun) on the thread but you were incorrect about me wanting people to solve it, I never had any such expectation, that’s all. My OP was about the situation with Bob.

😂😂 imagine 100 mumsnetters turning up to help

Mumandcarer80 · Today 00:06

A crow or a magpie might have swooped in and taken it. Watched a vid on TikTok before of a crow tormenting a dog with one of his squeeky toys it had swiped.🤣🤣🤣

VickyEadie · Today 08:12

JayJayj · Yesterday 23:52

😂😂 imagine 100 mumsnetters turning up to help

I'd be there if it was the UK! My (female) partner is legendary in our house for misplacing things and it's inevitably me who finds them.

SuziQuinto · Today 08:17

Mumandcarer80 · Today 00:06

A crow or a magpie might have swooped in and taken it. Watched a vid on TikTok before of a crow tormenting a dog with one of his squeeky toys it had swiped.🤣🤣🤣

Corvidae are notorious thieves! People's valuables have been found in their nests before now.

RedTagAlan · Today 09:25

SuziQuinto · Today 08:17

Corvidae are notorious thieves! People's valuables have been found in their nests before now.

So the OP needs to get a drone to search the local nests.

Needs to check the local wildlife laws first though. Could get into trouble if disturbing nesting birds.

:-)

SuziQuinto · Today 09:26

RedTagAlan · Today 09:25

So the OP needs to get a drone to search the local nests.

Needs to check the local wildlife laws first though. Could get into trouble if disturbing nesting birds.

:-)

Fair point

RedTagAlan · Today 09:32

VickyEadie · Today 08:12

I'd be there if it was the UK! My (female) partner is legendary in our house for misplacing things and it's inevitably me who finds them.

Looks nice and hot there. And it has a nice paved area for us to set up a table to sit at sipping G&Ts as we plan the search.

Will OP start a crowd-fund to pay for our tickets ?

:-)

VickyEadie · Today 15:16

RedTagAlan · Today 09:25

So the OP needs to get a drone to search the local nests.

Needs to check the local wildlife laws first though. Could get into trouble if disturbing nesting birds.

:-)

What if it was a monkey who climbed in through an open window and took it, though?

SuziQuinto · Today 15:21

VickyEadie · Today 15:16

What if it was a monkey who climbed in through an open window and took it, though?

Yes, that could happen

Mumandcarer80 · Today 16:57

RedTagAlan · Today 09:25

So the OP needs to get a drone to search the local nests.

Needs to check the local wildlife laws first though. Could get into trouble if disturbing nesting birds.

:-)

And cats heard about one that was taking the neighbours washing.

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